Things you never thought you would say

[lbsjob87]

I know there are threads about the funny/awkward things kids say, and about saying things your parents said but I need reassurance that it's not just me who ends up saying something totally surreal at least once a day since becoming a parent.
Just this week I've had cause to utter "Ooh, that poo smells much better" (in reference to 3 month old's nappy after we sorted some digestion issues),
"Badgers are junior St John Ambulance, it's like Brownies, they don't actually play with real badgers" and "No, it's not OK to take a trumpet to ASDA."
I'm sure that if aliens bugged my house they would think I was insane.

"You're right, DD, looks like the snail does want to play with a stick after all."

Toddler has a thing about giving snails small sticks. Turns out that if you check half an hour later, the snails are on the damn things.

Who knew?

"Is that all the broccoli from your armpit"

'Please don't put my shoe down the toilet, again...'
'DD has managed to break my FOURTH phone charger...'
'That's the third shoe we have managed to lose...'
Yeh, being SUPER organised and cautious; I thought these parenting fails would only befall other, less able parents, HA! Nothing like a majorly hyperactive / WILD toddler to bring you back down to earth...

"Fingers aren't for bums."

"Carrots aren't for bums."

"Daddy's cereal isn't for your bum."

• recently potty trained, DS has quite a thing for his bum

"Please stop licking that shopping trolley". Said in asda to 2yo DS1. He likes licking stuff apparently

ipswichwitch Ha ha, I remember my brother used to do that - and my dad saying that regularly!
I seem to remember he was a darn sight older than 2 though.... He's 32 now and seems to have suffered no long term damage!