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Original poster

So worried - what would you do?

24 replies

sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 20:36

I have a 6 month old baby, and this evening he started gagging on some food. DH wrenched him out of the highchair to rub his back, and caught his leg on the tray on the way up. There is not a bruise there the size of my thumb!

The reason I am worried is that I have an appointment with my HV on Thursday. She is always going ovwerboard - when I mentioned that I sometimes talk to myself when I am bustling around the house, she refferred me to a psychiatrist. When I said my older child has problems paying attention to what people say, she started talking about autism.

Plus DH and I had a domestic last year to which the police were called. The police obviously made a note of the fact that there were toys in the house, and told SS that 'a child was present at the time of the diturbance'. He wasn't, he was upstairs, asleep, in bed, nowhere near us. So I then had SS contacting me.

DH has never raised a hand to my children and never will. I know this. But I also can see how this would look - bruised baby, panicky HV, previous SS involvement.

I want to cancel the appointment. Wouldn't you?

OP posts:
Original poster
sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 20:40

ergsryjdts

OP posts:
lulumama · 25/09/2006 20:41

definitely, cancel cancel cancel! change HV too!!!! This sort of overprotective ,scared to miss any thing HV can be dangerous......

if your gut insticnt tells you this will be more trouble than
it's worth, reschedule for next week...

just cancel with some excuse as it's just a routine appt i guess, so it can wait?

anniebear · 25/09/2006 20:42

Most probably I should tell you not to but Im sure if it were me and my HV was like yours, I probably would cancel

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anniebear · 25/09/2006 20:43

yes, I agree, would also change HV, she sounds a nutter lol

Original poster
sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 20:46

My oldest has had a contagious thing, I could say I am seeing signs of it in the baby and arrange it for 2 weeks later.

The woman terrifies me. She is so insistant on seeing me when she wants to see me, she turned up without warning once as I was about to meet friends in the park, and told me 'for my own good', reducing me to tears, that my house was a health hazard to my children because I hadn't mopped the floor for over a week. Baby was 7 weeks old, I barely had time to scratch my arse.

I just have a horrible feeling that if I refuse to see her, she will tell SS I am being 'obstructive'. God I really do not like her.

OP posts:
2Babies0Bumps · 25/09/2006 20:47

i would cancel. i had a hv like this with ds1.
he has a stork bite birth mark on the back of his neck and a small bit of it is between his shoulder blades.
she asked me about it suspiciously and i told her it is part of the birth mark but still she wrote in his red book 'bruise like mark on back - birthmark ? ?'
got rid pronto.

Original poster
sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 20:48

She seems convinced I am going to neglect and abuse the children the very second she takes her eye off me, because I suffered very badly with depression while pregnant.

OP posts:
Original poster
sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 20:49

How do you get rid of a HV? I don't think I have a choice do I?

OP posts:
beansprout · 25/09/2006 20:50

Can I ask why she is coming over anyway? I didn't see my HV after the first few weeks. Is there a particular reason for her visit? You really don't have to be seen by someone who is doing more harm that good. I would cancel. I'm all for vigilant professionals but they really should know what they are talking about!

TooTicky · 25/09/2006 20:56

Report her! Shesounds likea nightmare on legs.

Original poster
sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 21:00

There isn't anything to report her for though. The house was a bit of a tip, but I am pretty much on top of it now, and I feel if I try not to see her, I will look like I am avoiding her because I have done something wrong (although I know I haven't) and she will start sending people round to check up on me. I just hate being scrutenised!

OP posts:
TooTicky · 25/09/2006 21:05

Report her for mentally intimidating you. She should be supporting you fgs!

TheArchangel · 25/09/2006 21:06

Shit, i talk to myself all day. It's the only sane conversation i have in this house.

Cancel your appt at all costs. It's a shame you have to resort to doing so but prob best.

TooTicky · 25/09/2006 21:06

Oh, and our house is always a tip and our lovely hv has never saidanything.

Original poster
sonotsaying · 25/09/2006 21:11

I will say I have seen a spot on the baby then. Chicken pox is going round our town, she won't want it in a clinic full of babies.

OP posts:
noonar · 25/09/2006 21:13

Tell her you're going away and change hv. she sounds mental!

lulumama · 25/09/2006 21:22

change HV - i did after got shouted at for delaying DS's MMR as it was the time the time the whole single jab argument started,,,swapped to someone else! when we moved, got a fab HV who visited me weekly ( by appt!) when i had PND to make me a cup of tea and chat - so there are some really good ones out there, while she is driving you nuts, some other poor kid is really needing her attention.,infuriating! you are obviously a devoted mother, don;t let her bully you into thinking otherwise.

badkarma · 25/09/2006 21:26

Get rid of her... fgs, my HV is a class act! she is amazing...

Yours sounds like an interfering old busy body!!

runkid · 25/09/2006 21:26

Its awful you should feel this way about HV there suposed to be supportive and helpful. I would cancel and report her she sounds like she is over reacting and making you worry get rid of her

WestCountryLass · 25/09/2006 21:40

I would cancel the appointment. I wouldn't say it was because of CP as they will put it in your red book. Do you have to tell her why? Can't you jsut say you need to cancel teh appointment and would like to make another one for whatever day in two weeks or so. I think sometimes making up something makes things appear suspicious kwim?

Then get rid of her. I changed HV, I was doing the 1st time Mum thing of umming and ahhing about when to give my DS his MMR, and she told me to pull myself together, she was allergic to penicillin but jsut cos that would kill her if she was given it didn't mean she wanted it banned. Didn't fill me with confidence to be honest!

CurrantBun · 26/09/2006 14:31

So, how DO you go about getting rid of a HV or changing to a different one?

lulumama · 26/09/2006 15:50

i told my doctors surgery i was unhappy with her advice and wanted someone else as felt she could not be objective with me....coincided with moving house luckily so had new HV, then moved practice entirely and am blessed with marvellous HV>
if your doc can;t do this, change doctors!! easier said than done....but give it a try - perhaps write to practice manager and explain you can;t have an objective working relationship with this lady and feel she is too hard on you...

Beetroot · 26/09/2006 15:52

I wouldn't even give an excuse, just sorry I cannot attend I will come on xxx. If she presses you on it just say you are visisting family

Twiglett · 26/09/2006 15:55

refuse to see her if she makes you feel that bad

it is YOUR decision if you see a HV ... not hers

and 9 times out of 10 they're crap anyway

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