Technology free dinner - with a toddler

[wishingforwillpower]

Parents of two year olds - are you really really able to go out for a meal, for say an hour, and not resort to technology - iPads etc?? I really really want to be one of those families that can sit nicely with their well behaved toddler who chats happily to us. That is how I imagine our meals out will be. The reality is that he will sit contentedly for maybe ten minutes, looking about and chatting. Then he wants to know when his drink is coming, then that's not the drink he wanted, it's too cold, I don't like ice, I want mummies drink, when is my pasta coming, I don't like pasta, where's my pizza (you told us you didn't want pizza), can I sit on the ground? Please can I sit under the table? Mummy I just need to check under the table for something, can I get down? Can I sit on your knee? My finger hurts, I need a poo, I don't need a poo, my straw is broken etc etc etc.... Today by half way through my pizza he was on my knee, trying to brush my hair with his straw. We also have a newborn. After perhaps a minute of having my hair combed with an apple juice-y straw I broke out the iPad, I just couldn't resist any longer.

And it's not that we didn't try - we suggested drawing (lasted 30 seconds), we talked about animals (2 minutes) we looked round the room to see what we could spot (2 minutes) drawing again (no mummy I not want you to draw)...
So if you are one of those families that I stare at with a mixture of jealousy, bewilderment and slight hatred, whose two year sits nicely and quietly for the duration of the meal, no technology required, how do you do it???
Also if you, like me, fail every time to have a technology free meal, please come and let me know I'm not alone??

We dont offer dd any techology outside the house (she will be three at christmas).

I take colouring in stuff, little figurines, box of raisins.

Yes we do. But, I don't think it's anything we, as parents, have done. DD1 is just a contented toddler who enjoys eating out. She was an incredibly difficult baby and I couldn't have taken her out in the first 6 months as she spent most of that period crying/screaming inconsolably. It was silent reflux.

DD2 is totally different. A most contented baby - so far (4 weeks old).

I think you get what you get. A good or bad sleeper. A good or bad eater. Not much you can do.

It gets easier as they get older! I have an almost 4yo DS and we struggled eating out most when he was 2 ish.

I try really hard not to resort to technology as I hate it at meal times but if I know it is likely to be a long meal ( eg family bday etc) I do take an iPad etc.

If it is a casual hour long dinner say, I try and take a few small toys eg dinosaurs or cars which generally keep him entertained. The main thing is that I don't take the iPad which reduces temptation!

DS has only recently been even vaguely interested in drawing or colouring so for us the toys are invaluable.

Don't stress about it...it will get easier and in the meantime always have with dinner!!

Sorry posted too soon - its something that has taken some practice and some firmer times "no dd seats are for sitting on not standing on" etc, and we try and time the meals right and pick places where if she does get antsy we can take her for a run around outside (family run local pub on a form.for example).

I have to admit she is an absoloute pleasure to take anywhere though, now, but it is something she had to learn.

I think it's sometimes to do with individual children. My DD is one of those children you envy. She will happily sit though meal, be quiet, eat nicely. We used to always get compliments about her when we went out.

My DS now is a different story. To be honest iPad/phone does not even work. We just have to get out of there as he will be literally climbing on the table.

Done nothing differently, so put it down to personality. But figure you've got to keep going to get better.

We've always had technology free meals. It takes a bit of work at the beginning, you do have to deal with the constant fidgeting, sitting on your knee..

I figure as long as they're not disrupting other diners then let them get on with it. Mine have never sat perfectly, that's just too much to expect. Little tricks- go to places they maybe can get up an run about a bit between courses, pleas like bluewater/trafford centres. One parent supervises while the other gets a few seconds peace :). Then they only really need sit to eat.

Drawing, obviously. A glass of ice separate from their drink, mine can play with ice cubes for ages..

Take it in turns who gets to eat while the other deals.

Mine are older now and are much easier. 6 year old still likes to sit on my knee and take a million toilet trips but otherwise manages OK.

We just don't go out for dinner unless there is a ratio of about 4 adults to 1 two year old...

I always find the main problem is getting them to understand they have to wait 20 mins or so for food which, if DD is getting hungry, pushes her over into being whiny and needing serious entertainment.

We are trying to make an effort to eat out a little bit more so we can gradually teach DD how to sit nicely in a restaurant and all that, but 2 is a really difficult age. You can take all the colouring and sticker books you like but if they decide they are more interested in seeing what is under the table you're almost on a hiding to nothing...

At which point, yes, Swashbuckle in the iPlayer comes out

Just remember 2 is not a reasonable age. Sure, make an effort to engage them in books and colouring and all that but sod it, if he needs 10 minutes on the iPlayer before his pasta comes there are worst things in life. He'll learn slowly.

Another thing we used to do when dd was smaller was to order her food with the first round of drinks - it would appear within ten mins and gave her something to do while we waited for ours.

Dd(2.5) will sit quietly (well not quiet but chatty not shouting). But it's not much fun for us adults and involves lots of entertaining and distraction. We've eaten out a lot with her though so she knows what to expect.
I think it depends on the child. Dd isn't particularly "physical" so can sit and appear well behaved for quite long periods of time. Our battleground is over getting her to eat anything resembling a vegetable instead. I suppose my equivalent of the iPad is letting her leave most all of her main course and still have pudding for an easy life when out and about.

We are quite happy to get the ipad out and sod what anyone else thinks.

I have a 26 month old and a 13 month old. We have just been away for a week with lots of eating out. DH and I figured out that it's all about timings. No point going if it's approaching nap time. They go past it and it's a nightmare. No point going out to eat unless the kids are hungry, unless there is something like soft play, outside play area or crayons to keep them entertained. So with that in mind I cut out the snacks between meals. A toddler is more likely to sit nicely to eat if they are ravenous.

We like places with quick service, and I have an emergency banana and raisins in my bag. The eldest like to eat pears, without me chopping them into easy to eat chunks, so she sits there eating it slowly. She sometimes wants to sit on my knee and eat my food with me. I just go with it, I think that I'd rather have a tantrum stand off about table etiquette at home and not ruin everyone's dining experience!

I also don't let them drink squash/pop this is because it used to send my sister and I loopy, I don't know if there is any truth in it, but personally I reckon my kids are calmer because they have limited access to sugary treats and drinks.

Yes. But we have colouring book and pens usually.
I'm also not adverse to taking the boys outside for a wander round (Pizza express had a duck sitting in the flower pots last time we were there).
No starters. Order fairly quickly after arrival.
Its not particularly relaxing for us, but DS1 (5) thinks its a real treat, and loves going out for a meal.

We take massives of different toys. Probably a selection of toy cars, a bag of duplo, books, his favourite teddy, sticker books and magazines plus lots of snacks raisins, rice cakes etc make sure we have a drink for him incase there is a wait and an emergency pack of smarties (all packed in a very large bag!). If possible we look at the menu before online and choose what he is having or if not as we are shown to our table we ask for the childrens menu or if not main menu and pick something for him immediately before the waiter leaves the table along with our order for wine . We then go on to order our food. We only go for lunch and we aim to get to the restaurant at 12 as he normally eats between 12-12:30. Most of the time it work and we get complimented on his behaviour but it is hard work and we only have one child so 2 adults to one child. He isn't allowed to leave the table even with us as think it is easier for him to think it is just not allowed otherwise he will want to do it all the time, Sometimes it doesn't and we just eat quick and get the smarties out to bribe him for more time. Occasionally he asks to sit in the pushchair after his meal and falls asleep while we finish our meal and wine-it is occasional but bliss when if happens!

My DC are 15, 13 and 10, and even just a few years ago, there were no iPads, iPhones etc. We usually took a few books, I always had a few little toys in my handbag, and we would sometimes have pencils etc.

You just have to realise that if you take little ones out to eat, you need to entertain them - you might not be able to have long adult conversations, and meals might be a bit quicker than they would be without children.

Still, now mine are a bit older, we have lovely conversations about all manner of things, while eating out.

Thanks for the suggestions! I think (as a pp mentioned) letting him have juice might be a mistake, he never has it at home and it seems to make him totally high! I think I might just have to accept dinner with a toddler isn't that fun. I don't want to give up though because I want him to be able to behave nicely in a restaurant. For me the most important thing I want to instil in him is that you have to stay at the table, no getting down and running around the restaurant. I know from past MN threads that kids running round restaurants and kids on iPads both attract a lot of criticism - but I think the former is a lot more annoying than the latter so if I can achieve nothing else then I would like him to learn to stay at his seat (or at least my knee!).
Colouring in and sticker books etc just don't cut it for DS though - he loves them at home when he is in a quiet mood but a restaurant environment just seems to exciting and stimulating for him to be able to focus, and instead he just seems to want to explore... The iPad, on the other hand, just seems to stop him in his tracks and absorb him fully. Which is probably a bit worrying and a good reason to avoid it. But it is just SO tempting when he is dying to get down and I am dying for just two minutes peace to eat my meal! I will persevere though and yes as pp suggested maybe the answer is just not to bring it...

We eat out a lot and have done since both boys were babies and don't have iPads or phones at the table. However, we do take a couple of books. I don't take colouring pencils because they were ending up on the floor too often.

I think the key to eating out in relative peace is practice. If it's an occasional event then that leads to over excitement for any child. We also used to employ a divide and conquer strategy when they were very young. No matter how well behaved a child is, if they are under 2 there will be times when they're restless. When that happens they are swiftly removed by one of us and taken outside for a bit. Also, you do have to accept that you can't have the 3h long lunches you enjoyed in the past.

When they became older they were expected to behave and if they didn't they were taken out straight away. I've only had to do it once. We had to leave the food (we paid obviously), but it taught them a lesson that I would follow through with a warning even if it meant not eating myself.

Now they are 6 and 4 things are a lot easier.

I eat out quite a lot with my twins, who are now nearly 4 years. I am generally on my own with them, so the ratio is one adult to two tinies!

I basically stick to what I want to happen, and always have done. I don't take technology, and rarely take toys/books as the table just gets too chaotic and they won't eat if there's toys to play with.

I still put my two in high chairs if I'm on my own (at nearly 4 years). That way there is no getting down and running around without me lifting them out. I order quickly - if it's a menu I know then I order with the person who shows us to the table if I can. At least order your drinks with that person, and ask for breadsticks too.

Once the order is placed, I take then both to the loo. With hand washing, that kills 5 mins, and by the time you get back to the table, the drinks and breadsticks are there to provide a bit of entertainment.

When the 'where's my dinner' questions start, I talk about the restaurant. Point out the kitchen (open ones are great if you can see in to them), the waiter who writes it all down, the bar man who makes the drinks, the different things other people are having delivered, different sized glasses/plates blah blah blah. Keeps them entertained but also keeps them interested in the restaurant/food rather than thinking about being/doing somewhere else.

When the food comes I get a few mins peace while they satisfy initial hunger. I eat fairly quickly, but if they're far ahead then I'll order their pudding to eat while I finish my main. I may or may not get pudding depending on how things are going.

During this time there are normally at least one, maybe two toilet trips. I hope they'll reduce, as some of the trips are more about boredom than needing the loo (and it is very irritating taking two kids to the toilet while your dinner goes cold, when neither actually manages to go!).

Although this sounds very busy, I enjoy taking them out. I have to say that Bella Italia get a lot of custom from us because I can use tesco vouchers; it would be difficult to reconcile an expensive bill with such a dinner!

In your shoes, I would make the change in one go - next time you go out, don't take the iPad etc, maybe just a small book and some paper/crayons. Use the high chair (explain that it's about being high enough if he is resistant. Completely matter of fact - "you won't be able to reach the table without the high chair, so in you go") and challenge unacceptable behaviour each and every time ("Ben, this is a grown up place, and we need to be quiet/still/no throw things. If we can't do that, we'll have to leave". Take him out if he can't do it, have the same discussion outside and then go back in and try again).

It will soon sink in and you'll be that serene family you envy right now :) I reckon two, maybe three dinners where you have to put in a fair about of leg work and you'll have it cracked :)

Good luck!

Interesting.

I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old. Neither have played with an iPad or played games on phones.

They sit like angels when we eat out (usually 4 days a week) as they know they have to.

Sometimes we bring a book or colouring in, but usually a game of 'I Spy' or just chatting works for them.

Maybe I'm a bit strict, but they ways know the behaviour I expect from them, so 90% of the time they're fine.

3 yr old DS - yes.
2 yr old DD - not a chance in hell.

We don't bother eating out often but DD requires one of us by her side and we eat in shifts. Dd won't last a whole meal without having to be distracted with something more than a bit of colouring - normally a walk around outside or inside if appropriate. I hope she improves over the next year as it's a total hassle now! My grandparents love us all going out for lunch somewhere and I dread it!

Our 2 year old behaves gorgeously when we're eating out. We/she get complimented all the time, often by older people who tut at badly behaved kids in the same breath!

It's just her personality and the luck of the draw. You get lucky with some aspects of behaviour and you miss out on others. She is quite the gourmand, I think this helps - she's anticipating her food as much as we are. Also, I really agree with the poster who mentioned prolonged use of high chairs (DD is 2.8). This is definitely a factor in her good behaviour.

I'm a bit to admit that we eat at least one meal out every weekend, though, even if it's just a breakfast of coffee and toast. Neither DH or I ever got to eat out much as kids and as a result we just love doing it now. I've been taking DD to cafes since she was a newborn - it was very easy in those days because I could sit there for hours while she fed, and I guess she just got used to it as a 'thing'.

I do always have a colouring book and wipes stashed in my bag though. Both of these things make life a bit easier. Colouring in is more relaxing for her than books or toys when she's hungry.

I don't really ever expect small kids to behave well in restaurants. It's brilliant when they do (thanks DD), but from their point of view it must be really quite overstimulating most of the time.

We had too. DD2 is 13, God it was grim.

If tablets/iPhones had existed of course we'd have used them!

The number of nice meals rushed that could have been savoured for the want of an iPod.

DD2 just finds food really dull, she'd always finished way way ahead of everyone's.

Where's the harm in using a little technology to enjoy the food you've paid for.

As for teaching social skills, DD2 has the best social skills of any of us and turns on the charm big time at extended family meals, weddings etc.

LOL, tablets are such a recent invention, I did not even have them when DC were small. We took Tomas Trains etc, instead.

My advice is not to take kids to restaurants until they are about 4.

If you must, let them eat what they like (chips, more chips, ketchup, massive puddings) and ditch the healthy eating for a day (relax).

And sit them next to another child, as toddlers love other kids.

iPad is very useful for younger toddlers, like our 2 year old. Once DS1 hit three or so, games likes 'I spy', sorting the sugar packets or sauce packets in pubs (by colour, counting them etc etc) would keep him occupied for ages! Hard work and you can't just sit back and relax, but it keeps him entertained!

One Christmas dinner when ds1 was about 2.5, a pair of child scissors and a piece of paper occupied him for ages. The place was covered in confetti afterwards, but he behaved himself....!

I guess it just gets easier as they get older..

An iPad can turn a torturous meal into an almost present affair.

We could do without it, but why? He uses it so infrequently that having it for half and hour is a massive treat, I get to eat in peace and I don't see anything wrong with it.

It's not going to be forever.

Agree lizard- we used the iPad most when DD was around 2 . Now she is older (nearly 4) she is easily entertained by colouring and her drink etc and it rarely comes out with us.