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Parenting

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Original poster

My 12 year old son has been given a solo singing part in a play but wants to say 'no' to it. Not sure if I should let him.

35 replies

tigermoth · 25/09/2006 19:16

My son goes to a youth theatre group. He enjoys it and has happily taken part in 2 plays.

For the next play, my son has been given a small solo singing part - 2 verses from 'The Snowman' the classic 'I'm Walking Through the Air'. He was pleased at first but has now told me he really doesn't want to sing alone in front of an audience (play is on for 1 night, audience made up of family and friends).

I am happy to phone up the youth theatre organiser and tell him that ds1 is too shy to sing alone and could he sing it with other people or not sing it at all.

I am hesitating though, becuase ds1 has a good singing voice, loves singing in front of people at school (in class, not on stage) and has got told off about it consistently since he was tiny. He is pretty extrovert, too.

I think it wouild be a really good experience for him to break the barrier and sing 'properly' for once. In rehearsal apparently he sung it very well. If he says 'no' I think the leader will simply offer the solo to someone else.

Since he joined the drama group, I have never pushed him to volunteer for any big or solo parts - the group ask for volunteers before handing out parts - but as a result of this, ds complains about being bored as he is always in the chorus, and has the least to do on stage compared to the other actors.

The song is not my favourite by a long way, but ds1 seems fine about the choice so I not letting my views influence him. In the play, other children will be singing various solos, so ds will not be the only one.

I have asked my son to think about it again - I have told him I realise he is nervous and I can fully understand this.

Do you think I should push him a bit harder to accept?

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brimfull · 25/09/2006 19:18

I definately think you should push himm to do it.Is there something about it not being cool ,that's making him regret it/

Mud · 25/09/2006 19:19

no let him decide for himself

Blu · 25/09/2006 19:21

Difficult.
In some ways, I would say stay out of it, and tell him that this is between him and the Youth Theatre Director. If s/he is good s/he will have a few ways of dealing with this - especially with the whole rehearsal period to go. But if he sees you as his rescuer at this early stage, he will feel all the more that he has something to be rescued from, iyswim. Maybe you could secretly and privately tell the Director that he has 'nerves' around it, so that s/he can be supportive.
Well done him!

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FrannyandZooey · 25/09/2006 19:21

I would let him decide, however I can see why you feel the way you do.

FrannyandZooey · 25/09/2006 19:22

Oh I missed the bit about him wanting you to tell them - I would think he should do this himself.

sugarfree · 25/09/2006 19:23

Can you tell him that it's ok to be nervous but to think how great he will feel after.Would visualisation and/or relaxation techniques help do you thimk?
Lots of very famous performers get nervous before hand and its the feeling that they get after that makes them perform again and again.
I do some voluntary work at Ds1's school (for the annual school production) and they are all nervous to an extent before,some to the point of near hysteria but without exception they are euphoric after. It's great to see.

julienetmum · 25/09/2006 20:46

We had a similar situation. There was a girl in one of our classes who was very talented and I wanted her to have a good part in our little presentation. However as they were all quite young we asked the children who would like to play what. She occasionally got bored as although we make sure everyone has plenty to do, it didn't stretch her.

The next term our normal teacher (who had been absent due to illness) returned and got frustrated that she couldn't get said girl to agree to do a solo. In the end the situation was solved as the child who9 was playing the solo part missed a lot of classes due to illness so we told the first girl she would have to take over.

She absolutely stole the show. Her mum said to us that she was better when she was told that she was doing something rather than being asked if she wanted to.

ScummyMummy · 25/09/2006 20:49

Let him sort it out, t'moth. He can handle it, I'm sure. Hope he decides to do it- bet he'd be great.

julienetmum · 25/09/2006 20:50

Just noticed his age though. I'm guessing that his voice hasn't changed yet. 12 can be an awkward age and he may be starting to feel some differences.

sugarfree · 25/09/2006 20:52

Very good point Julienetmum.

Beetroot · 25/09/2006 20:55

Can you give him some singing lessons?

Beetroot · 25/09/2006 20:57

ds2 is nervous about sinigng and after having 2 sinign lessons he auditoned really well for a part in the next show

Beetroot · 25/09/2006 20:58

very rare for voice to break at 12..you are talking to an expert here

batters · 25/09/2006 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

julienetmum · 25/09/2006 22:50

12 is a bit young but changes can start to happen. Dh is very experienced and has studied vocal anatomy as well as having taught many many children.

Some, not all, but some boys can start to feel a bit self conscious around this age and I just wondered if it was a factor. Some can feel the changes quite long time before the actual break (awful term by the way)

Anyway, I'm not the real expert, dh is so I may not be 100% on my recollection of what I have heard him say.

Original poster

tigermoth · 25/09/2006 23:32

Just as I thought, opinion is divided. It's a difficult one and I welcome all perspectives. I know it's a very minor problem in the grand scheme of things, but it has kept nagging away at me today.

I like batters' idea of asking ds how he will feel if someone else sings the part. It might help focus his thoughts. I think a private phone call to the director is a good plan as well (thanks blu) as it still leaves things open.

I do think the final decision has to be from ds (mostly) and the director(a bit). It is not fair of me to push ds into doing anything - but I will certainly support the director giving him a gentle nudge. I think the director will also have more influence in calming my son's nerves.

Interesting to hear that boys' voices don't break at age 12 usually. I have no idea about it.

Beetroot, I think singing lessons would be a great idea, but not sure if we can fit any befoer the show, which is in 2 weeks' time.

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Marina · 25/09/2006 23:36

Agree with Blu TM. He needs to sort it with the director himself (I've sung solo on that stage more than once and was bricking it every time ) but given his nerves, tip the director off. Also agree that if your boy really likes his drama, the very thought of another member of the group getting his solo should be enough to galvanise his vocal cords...you have to keep us all posted. Your ds1 might end up with his very own claque.

Blu · 25/09/2006 23:41

I agree, you shouldn't push him into doing anything he doesn't want to.
But my thoughts came from the pov of a Director who has dealt with young people in your DS' position - and I would see it a part of my job to help him feel ok about it, and equip him to deal with it, if he could. And also too look inwards to the 'team', not outwards to his Mum - however fab she may be (and is!) iyswim.

But you know him best!

Original poster

tigermoth · 25/09/2006 23:58

I am hoping the director sees things the same was as you, blu. Hadn't thought about the idea if ds drawing his strength from the team, not relying on me - thanks!

Marina, I don't think the stage lighting helps - you can see the audience pretty clearly even when the lights are down. If it was like that in your time it must have been really hard to concentrate. I never had the voice to sing solo to an audience. I did backing vocals with a mike with lots of added effects on the mike so my voice sounded better. Actually, I wonder if the director will be giving the soloists a mike - that might make a difference to how ds feels about things. Must ask when I phone him.

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Beetroot · 26/09/2006 08:09

Tiger, you must be able to find someone to do at least one class..go to your local church, theatre? where are you?

Beetroot · 26/09/2006 08:12

Blu, I am with you there - if the director thinks he can do the part, I am sure (perhaps with a little word from you) that he can encourage him to feel ok about it.

Also, it is normal to be nervous - that happens to everyone

SSSandy · 26/09/2006 08:13

At his age I wouldn't have welcomed the opportunity of doing a solo on the stage. I can understand him not wanting to.

Marina · 26/09/2006 09:21

Lighting hasn't changed tigermoth.
I know a singing teacher in Lee Green who is a nice woman with (younger) boys of her own if you want an emergency confidence booster, but I really do agree with Blu that the Director should be working with all the children to make them feel they can sing/act/dance on stage.
The guy who ran it in my day was as you know a notorious eccentric but he did have the strange ability to inspire complete confidence in those who needed it.

Original poster

tigermoth · 27/09/2006 07:43

my son hasn't mentioned his nerves again, after our talk on Monday. I am letting it lie for now. His next rehearsal is on Thursday so I am going to talk to him just before (about him and the director sorting it out between them) and will also phone the director myself.

Thanks for the emergency singing lesson contact, Marina. I will go down that route if this becomes a big issue with ds.

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batters · 27/09/2006 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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