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8yo dd owrrying me

12 replies

ditavonteesed · 16/09/2014 18:51

She has been googling excercise videos, beauty regimes and is barely eating (normally really good appetite) she is really glum and doesnt seem to make friends easily despite being the loveiest girl to all her class mates. I am worried she is getting esteem issues and I dont really know how to help.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/09/2014 19:36

Really feel for you dita. Unfortunately I can't offer any help though sorry, apart from not letting her have access to google obviously Smile

I'd see if MNHQ can move this thread to the preteens section. You'll probably get some posters with experience.

ditavonteesed · 16/09/2014 19:38

theres a pre teens section, should have realised.

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Wishfulmakeupping · 16/09/2014 19:43

My only experience of this is with my dn as my dd is younger but my dn gained so much self- confidence through joining various groups at one point we were worried about her not having a good network of friends now at 10 she has become better friends with girls from her class and year .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ditavonteesed · 16/09/2014 19:48

funny you should say that I have just got back from reenroling her in brownies after persuading her.

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enderwoman · 16/09/2014 19:52

I have an older dd and a ds the same age as your dd.

8 is so young... I'm not surprised your worried. In your shoes Id assume that someone has said something to her or she's over heard something someone else and assumes that beauty and weight loss will make her happy.
At 8 years old her daily beauty routine she be no more than leaving the house with clean teeth, brushed hair and no visible stains on her face. (She probably had her toenails painted but nobody saw those)
My dd had opinions on hairstyles at her age asked for a fringe and loved going to bed with plaits in and having wavy hair the next day. There is always one girl whose hair she has envied. At 8 years old it was girls with long wavy hair or ones who had fancy hairstyles like French plaits. (There's a YouTube channel called Cute Girls Hairstyles)
At 8/9 ish she swapped briefs for girl boxers and started to develop a taste for fashion and music. She went from wearing "anything pink or glittery to picking up words like "fake uggs" and"skinny jeans" (no interest in labels thank god)

enderwoman · 16/09/2014 19:54

What I was trying to say in a roundabout way is do you ever chat about fashion with her? My dd enjoyed exploring conversation like that in an age appropriate way (don't mix spots and stripes etc)

ditavonteesed · 16/09/2014 19:58

she loves fashion, earllier in the year she decided she was a goth and bought a little leather jacket with her birthday money, she likes skinny jeans (well think leggins), she is not allowed to wear makeup and some of her friends are (really), Heels are for dress up. She is very into gymnastics and is very talented and trains really hard, her body is solid muscle and I tried to explain that if she doesnt eat properly her body wont be able to do all the amazing things it does now and that she needs to be strong for gymnastics.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/09/2014 07:54

How is she now Dita? Its so worrying isn't it. My dd(7) said in the week that she was fat. Honestly, you've never seen a more skinny child. Luckily she was naked so we had a chat about how her tummy was sticking out because she had just eaten dinner and how she eats fairly healthily and does lots of sport so is lovely and healthy. That seemed to stop her worrying.

Does anyone talk about things like naughty food, being overweight and diets around her?

ditavonteesed · 14/10/2014 15:20

bumping this thread. I could do with some advice on helping dd with her self esteem without referring to the other thread.

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Hedgehogging · 14/10/2014 20:27

No advice as my DD is only tiny but self-esteem as she gets older is something I'm already thinking about.

Maybe have a look at this website (I sound like I'm on commission as I seem to be referencing it all the time of late!)

www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/tweens/prevent-eating-disorder-child

Hope things improve for your lovely DD.

Wadingthroughsoup · 14/10/2014 20:44

I try to avoid commenting on my DD's appearance as much as possible. Really, I just want to tell her how breathtakingly beautiful she is all the time, but I try not to do it too much (or at least only as often as I tell my DS he is beautiful). I try to comment more on how interesting and funny she is, and what a kind and thoughtful friend she is.

I have also had some quite mature chats with her about how 'prettiness' is just luck, and not something that requires any effort or skill from the individual. People who happen to be pretty are just lucky, whereas being thoughtful and considerate and working hard are things that anyone is capable of, and which require effort.

I've also told her about airbrushing in magazines and adverts, and popstars who have oodles of help from stylists and make-up artists. I've tried to help her understand that very little of it is 'real'.

We've talked about how prettiness is something that fades when people get older, and that when we are all very old, it really won't matter how pretty we once were. What will matter is the lives we've led; the things we've done, the places we've been, the people we've loved.

I hope you find some ways to help your DD.

Wadingthroughsoup · 14/10/2014 20:55

Forgot to say- I've also stopped commenting on my own appearance in front of her. That was a difficult one and took time. DD likes to tell me I'm beautiful (I'm not) and my instinct was always to deflect that with something negative. I have stopped doing that and will now just smile and say 'thank you'. She also doesn't see me examining myself in the mirror or weighing myself. We don't have any scales at home and I restrict any mirror-examining I want to do to the times when she's not around Grin

She often sees me in my gym kit and a couple of times has said things like: 'going to the gym helps people stay slim, doesn't it mum?' To which I reply- 'well it can do, but mostly it just feels really good to have a good workout and feel strong'. Stuff like that- just trying to move the focus away from body image and onto seeing her body as a marvellous, healthy machine.

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