7 year old finding making friends very hard

[su72]

My daughter has gone from being confident and happy to nervous and overly sensitive since joining school. She previously went to playgroups and private nurserys where she made friends and is very conscientious. Since joining school nursery one girl started picking on her (spitting, chinese burns, pushing off walls, bossiness...). Obviously I went to see the teacher and the parent and we eventually sorted it out while keeping things mainly amicable. She's now in year 2 and coming home in tears, she seems to open herself to bossy children, be too submissive and has no self-esteem and I just don't know what to do to help her. I'm a governor at the school and regard the school positively but believe the problem is one of building her self confidence to help her to deal with things herself and don't want to rely on teachers to intervene all the time as this in itself can diminish self esteem and alienate her. Can anyone help!
Thanks

have you tried having children back to play?

I would send her to a self defence type of classs
re kickboxing, ju jitsu, judo etc

it would build up alot of confidence for her personally
and also give her alot of patience, control etc

those type of classes are for mainly self awareness and also good for when you have a problem child so they can redirect their anger etc
good luck
xxx

Thanks, we do have friends back to play butit seems to be hard for her to maintain the friendships in the playground when there are others, she often sits alone and finds it hard to join in. The problem with the only self defence class within 10 miles of us is that the child who did the spitting etc. goes too! otherwise I had considered that. She's great in after school clubs, rainbows etc. and loves them, I think it's because they're structured, it's when it's freeplay at lunchtime she struggles and it all becomes a major problem.

Thanks for your comments

su maybe the self dence class is the better option imo if the other person goes

I remember I sent my ds1 to boxing to control his anger
and he was taught to respect people and himself more than anything

if it is a good tutor/teacher etc
he will not tolerate bullying in any type of form so maybe it will put a stop to it

as they will be cl;assmates in that sense and have to RESPECT eachother

Good thought, might look into class times and availability again, it's worth a shot! thanks

hi su72, how did she get on today?
i only ask cos i went through the same thing as your dd and it's taken me years to feel anywhere near as self-confident as i should be and i don't want the same thing to happen to your dd.
tbh, the school teachers ahve duty of care towards your dd whilst she is in school and should ensure that this sort of thing does not happen. i understand that you are on the board, maybe you could look at what the school policy is on bullying because that is what it amounts to for your dd (whether or not her teachers agree with her) and ask for an appointment with head. i also understnad that you might not wan the teachers to intervene but your daughter has a right to enjoy school so maybe the classes are a good idea x hope it goes well x

su. Our primary/junior school has a 'Friendship Bench' in the playground and 'Playground Pals' who are given a sash and cap (to make them stand out and feel very important.)

Any child who is either not enjoying a game (ie. feeling excluded or 'picked-on') can go and sit on this bench and it is the job of the 'Playground Pals' to make sure that they are looked-after and invited to join in a game with kinder children.

I'm a governor too. Can you maybe suggest that this is implemented at your next governor's meeting? Or have a word with the headteacher? It works very well at my son's school.

Thanks for the comments, all taken on board. We have a governors meeting tonight and will broach many of the suggestions made here. We go someway to meeting some of the suggestions e.g. a buddy bench for children feeling left out etc. and a play session for each year group in the ball area with skipping ropes etc. The problem mainly occurs when they're on the field at lunchtime where dinner ladies are in charge and it's more of a free for all. I know several parents have concerns about them going on to the playing fields although I can see the advantages in a big green space for them to let off steam on so am reluctant to suggest it's not used as a resource! Thanks again for all the comments, if things don't settle down I'll be in to discuss it with her teacher and see how things go from there. Will definitely suggest playtime pals with a specific responsibility for looking out for children feeling excluded.

bubble's suggestion is very good. but how about going one further and having friendship benches on the edges of the playing field?

su72, how did the meeting go? are things any better for your dd now? hope they are x

I often think that 'Friendship Benches' for adults wouldn't be wasted, either.

There seem to be so many people in the world who could do with an adult 'Playground Pal.'

Please excuse me. It's the hormones...