Feel like I am failing - need some better strategies.

[Hawaii5o]

DD2 has just turned 3. I complete adore her but I think I am failing at some parts of parenting. She's started having major tantrums, often over small things. She is playing up a lot and has major meltdowns.

I am usually very good with kids, others as well as my own, but I'm just not improving her behaviour and mine is getting worse too. I ended up walking into another room earlier today and shutting the door because otherwise I was just going to end up shouting at her.

Any ideas how I can improve things?

Three year olds can be pretty hard work and it sounds norm to me. I take it your first child didn't do this? Walking away is the right thing to do trying not to react, giving her space to calm down. I don't imagine you are doing anything wrong.

it sounds normal

What do you do at the moment?

Thanks Swingball. I would say DD1 had the kind of tantrums I would have thought normal at 3. Perhaps a bit less. DD2 has been pretty full on since she was about 1. Most of the time she is an absolute joy but she can be exhausting (even when not playing up) but she is very, very determined. I usually try to work around her as she is so stubborn. But sometimes I have to put my foot down and then she really kicks off. One of today's was because she didn't want what I had made for lunch but I was buggered if I was going to make something else. Cue 20 minute tantrum.

Hi Wolfieball. It depends. If she is just wanting to do something else but is reasonably calm I'll try reasoning/negotiating etc which can work. But if there is no negotiating to be done I sometimes just say no, which can trigger the tantrum. I generally try and ignore her but occasionally I lose the plot and shout, which is totally counterproductive. Or do what I did today which is walk away and leave her until she has calmed down. Also, she had another tantrum when she wouldn't get in her car seat and we had to leave. I took her toy away but that didn't work. So ended up holding her face so I could look her in the eye and told her that she was being naughty and her behaviour was not ok. Thing is, I think she really wants to be good and is so devastated when I tell her she isn't being good I feel awful.

Whenever I do tell her off I always tell her that I love her very much, but I don't think she believes it.