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Parenting

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Original poster

Toys - do they belong to everyone or to each kid in your house?

51 replies

LlamaLover · 13/09/2014 11:26

I was on only child and now a single Mum, so nothing to base this on really.

I'm looking ahead to buying toys for my new daughter as well as my 3 year old son for Christmas.

In your house are all toys shared? Or all toys belong to one kid but both can play with? Or only each kid can play with their own unless the other says its ok?

Currently we have my son's toys in lounge and playroom. Do I set up a few different boxes for her toys? Or bundle them all in together? We all co sleep together in one room, so no separate rooms to put things in.

I'm thinking a few puzzles and teddies for her. So not much, but want to start as I mean to go on and gently introduce my son to the fact that not every toy in the whole world belongs to him! I'm also guessing as they get older the difference in what they are in to will get bigger? I'm a hippy at heart and would love things to be shared (especially existing big expensive toys like the train set and play kitchen) but do kids benefit from having 'special' things too? How to distinguish between the two?

I'll stop waffling now. How does it work in your house?

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Artandco · 13/09/2014 11:31

All shared here. Mine are 3 and 4. They play with same things so wouldn't want double.

They have own special teddies in bed that belong to them, but everything else is communal for now.

Saves arguments also as friends do things belonging to each other and if one is playing with say sisters toys they have to give back as not theirs i sister wants, which to me is unfair if the other was playing with first.

I guess once older they will have their own odd bits but for now no. If ds1 gets something for birthday he would get a few days of preference to play with maybe as new but after it's communal. They wouldn't know tbh what was brought for who anyway now still.

Artandco · 13/09/2014 11:32

Also we don't have space for say x2 train sets!

Catsmamma · 13/09/2014 11:33

we muddled through with all the toys/all the children.

But with the proviso to check first if you are playing with something of someone else, take extra care and be gracious and kind if someone wants to play with something of yours.

lots of some in there!

Anything that was never to be shared stayed in their rooms...thinking bedtime toy, that sort of thing.

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Lucked · 13/09/2014 11:38

A mixture. There are age appropriate toys and a few special toys which the older one is allowed not to share but he realises that means he can't always play with them so often says he is happy to share. I am also not buying two sets of megablocks, baby walkers etc.

Original poster

LlamaLover · 13/09/2014 11:39

What do you think of my evil plan to give her an accessory that goes on the train set for christmas, get her to 'share' it with him (she'll only be 8 months) and then get him a 'babyish' present so he's happy to share it with her. Get the ball rolling so to speak.

Or will he think Father Christmas has gone a bit bonkers?

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/09/2014 11:41

DCs are 10 and 8. Shared generally, but when it comes to getting rid of things, if it was bought specifically for one child as a Christmas / birthday present (which is most stuff really) they get the final say on keeping or letting go. Teddies are exempt from sharing rules.

We don't really have separate storage, all toy storage areas have stuff belonging to both DCs (they have a room each in theory but sleep in bunks in the same room, so the boundaries are blurred). Stuff is just stored wherever happens to work for whatever it is. To be honest it's never been an issue and and they do gravitate towards different things as they get older, but a lot of stuff (especially games, puzzles etc) are used by both.

OrangeTart · 13/09/2014 11:43

As my mum used to say, "we don't have mine and yours in this house". So whilst they get individual presents it is all stored together and nobody has to ask anyone gor permission to use anything.

Artandco · 13/09/2014 11:44

That's a good idea. Or get x2 trains. One technically for him and one technically hers in stocking, but them share. He will be happier that she is sharing a train like his, that she will a ball :) and she will be able to play with train also when you watch, and by next summer will join in.

I would also try and buy not so gendered toys. So don't get him everything blue and her everything pink. Aim for reds and greens or natural woods so less distinction of what might belong to who

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/09/2014 11:45

Taking the train track example, my DS was bought a set of Brio for an early Christmas, probably the year after DD was born, but he doesn't have any recollection of that, it's always just been there, so although it was originally bought for him he's never seen it as his, it just belongs to our family. So, I could happily have bought them each a new engine for it at subsequent Christmases.

In general stuff in our house doesn't particularly belong to one person, unless it's particularly important or precious, so that applies to toys too.

gamescompendium · 13/09/2014 11:55

All shared here. To the extent that the ragdoll I gave DD1 for her first birthday is the doll that DD2 takes to bed every night. I guess she's really DD2's now. I have 3 kids, I'm not going to keep their toys separate.

gamescompendium · 13/09/2014 11:59

Oh, definitely get accessories for the train set for each of them. Our train 'set' is actually 3 different train sets (Brio, JL, Tescos) plus various bits of fancy Brio accessories that they have received over the years. Same with the LEGO and the toy kitchen. Some toys are better shared, and imagine the time wasted having to DC1's lego separate from DC2's lego!

MiaowTheCat · 13/09/2014 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresthelight · 13/09/2014 20:47

She isn't really going to be able to play with the same sort of toys yet so I would have separates and then a few that are joint maybe?

dss and dsd have their own toys and so does dd but dsc's have very different interests ie dss is obsessed by minecraft whereas dsd is my little pony and dd is just 1 so not practical to share although the dsc's do enjoy playing with her car garage!

Yama · 13/09/2014 20:54

All shared here.

As ds's nursery says 'sharing's caring'.

I had a friend who would protect each of her ds's right to have their own toys. Her boys didn't like each other much.

My two (dd 8, ds 4) play together all the time. Watching them play together makes my heart sing.

I don't think it's healthy to be attached too tightly to anything material.

o0 · 13/09/2014 20:58

I'm the opposite from the rest of you.

Mine have their own toys. There's a few things that's are shared - lego, board games, big castle but mainly they own their own stuff.

Sharing is encouraged but not mandatory. I'm not made to share my stuff so don't make them share theirs.

But like most children they like to play together often so do share without drama.

DIYandEatCake · 14/09/2014 20:35

This is really interesting and I'm trying to work out how to approach it too! I have 3.6yo dd and 9mo ds. Dd hates baby ds touching 'her' toys - which of course is pretty much all the toys in the house. I can kind of see where she's coming from, it's hard for her to adjust to all these things having to be shared after 3 years of them just being hers. I've told her that she can keep 'special' toys in her room and that anything left lying on the floor in the rest of the house is fair game. It's hard though as ds' play is all about chewing and bashing at the moment and I don't really like having my things chewed or bashed either! I was an only child too and was terrible at sharing as a child, so I am finding this hard to work out too.

ElizabethMedora · 14/09/2014 22:26

Sounds similar to our dynamic DIY, DC1 was 3y3m when DC2 was born so had clear ideas of things that had been hers. And then continued to have different toys eg Hama beads that DC2 wasn't old enough for... And we made mistakes like giving DC1 the dolls house, whereas we never actually thought we would be buying another dolls house for DC2, we expected them to share! I would love everything to be communal with a few exceptions for precious items but it is currently the opposite in this house - everything is owned apart from a few communal items...

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/09/2014 22:40

I think we got away with it because of the small age gap (23 months), DS hadn't really got got his head round ownership, toys were just objects in our house the same as books, DVDs etc to him at that age. I think also the fact that most of our toys were stored in communal areas rather than his bedroom helped too.

Lally112 · 14/09/2014 22:46

both, some are shared toys (mostly bigger things like the trampoline and paddling pool, board games etc) and some are their own, like bikes, lego, dolls, scooters, cuddly toys etc.

LBOCS · 14/09/2014 22:50

They have their own toys (aged 7 and 1). It works both ways; if the 7 yo is playing with the 1yo's toys, we point out that we don't allow it the other way around. And the 1yo isn't allowed to play with Lego! We do praise sharing though.

sunnydaylucy · 14/09/2014 23:16

3 DD's, 7,9&12 soft toys are definitely not shared. Most other things are though, with the exception of DD2's Pony Parade, which she will fight to the death to protect. Probably.
I only back them up on the ownership of a toy if they have saved up for it themselves, therefore it belongs to them.
In my experience the girls know who's things are whose even if I don't! But on the whole they share nicely.

NoSquirrels · 14/09/2014 23:26

Bit of both - mine are same sex and small age gap so most things are communal. Presents bought since youngest was born/aware of presents have been 2 slightly different/pretty similar versions of the same thing (like the toy train example above, if one gets a book the other gets a book, if one gets a figure for the castle so did the other) which naturally encourages shared play. Soft toys have one owner!

Birthday presents are the birthday kid's but will mostly be incorporated into shared play - but we do remind that that's been so-and-so's present so ask before playing and encourage good sharing and being gracious.

Our house is too small for separate ownership - plus life's no fun that way.

kiki0202 · 15/09/2014 08:23

I asked my mum this one as my sister and I are 2.5 years apart she said that we each had our own toys as in marked for lola or lolas sister at xmas and birthdays but she always reminded us that if we share we had twice as many toys she said we had a few arguments now and then but in general a reminder about sharing would stop it. I don't ever remember not sharing with my sister we grow up sharing everything and it was lovely we were so close when we moved to a bigger house as teens we decided to continue sharing a room asking to borrow each others things came naturally as we got older we still share clothes etc.

I would do the same with my own I think it's a great start to teach them how to get along with others.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 15/09/2014 08:34

Baby toys were passed down (3 year gap) Duplo/Lego, happy street and train were shared.

Dolls and soft toys belonged to the DD they were given to.

Playmobil, dolls house and pushchairs belonged to DD2. (Even though the Dolls house may originally have been DD 1's. I honestly can't remember).

Why, because DD1 didnt like imaginative play. She was completely happy for DD2 to have those things to herself. She very rarely wanted to share.

She liked to do craft, climb, chat and just be. When she was older she read.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 15/09/2014 08:36

DD1 still reads and the glitter and glue have turned into A level art stuff all over her room (and the dinning room)

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