can't take losing

[jinna]

hi there
my son is 4 years old and can not stand it if he loses. If he loses he is very upset and sometimes even if he thinks he may lose he will either give up or cheat. Is this usual for his age or should i take some action so he will lose gracefully.
thanks.

My first born was also no good at losing. She didn't like coming second in anything - even to the point where she would have a tantrum if she wasn't first in the house, first downstairs, etc.

She was about the same age as your son when she was like this. She did eventually learn that winning is not everything - it is the participating that counts. She is now 9 and obviously has no problem with no winning.

My son, who has just turned 5, was the total opposite. He has never had a problem with not winning - if we play a game and I lose, he says to me "don't worry mummy, you might win next time". Obviously copying what I used to say to him.

From my experience, I think this is a more common "problem" in first born children although I might be wrong.

my son is the first born - baby two is on the way in 6 weeks time
it is good to hear that your daughter changed as she got older
thanks

My son was also a sore loser (also a first born!) and I'm sorry to say, still is even though he's in his 20's. Fortunately he doesn't have tantrums now(!) but when he was small he always ended up taking himself to bed by 5.30 on his birthday parties because he didn't win the games. He is very competitive so I don't know what the answer is.

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My first born (now 7) was also very competitive and wanted to be 1st at everything. I think things got better when he started (big) school and there reality hit him!!

My 2nd also a boy is not at all competitive and was very laid back about positions. He enjoys being part of the game or whatever, winning is not important. Of course he loves an applause if he does win, but usually applauses the winner if it is not him.

Maybe this is a 1st born thing?