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Hysterics over toilet training

3 replies

KentOwl · 11/09/2014 22:33

I would be really grateful for some advice about potty / toilet training. Our DD (3 years 4 months) is very resistant. Over the past few weeks she has gone through phases when she will do a wee on the potty when prompted, but only once or twice ever has she done one unprompted. And never a poo.

She just doesn't seem to understand that she needs to wait until she has that feeling, and then go, rather than just going in her nappy (well, in her pull up, rather, but it's same thing, effectively). I know she has the ability to understand, because she is perfectly intelligent, which makes me think the delay is caused by an emotional issue rather than anything else.

Today, I got fed up with it - it's been going on for months, this softly softly approach, with zero progress - and I just said, I'm just going to take the pull ups away during the day. So I did, and then she got absolutely hysterical with me, sobbing and crying - I really just didn't know what to do. The last thing I want is to make this into a huge issue. So in the end I gave in and put her in a pull up again - probably the worst thing to do, but I just felt in such a quandary. My fear is that if we don't push her, she'll become dependent on the pull ups to such an extent that it'll become a major challenge to train her later (and she starts school next year!) I think she has developed a fear of it though.

Alongside all this, she is being very clingy at the moment and for the first time, we have seen real tantrums (we never really had terrible twos with her). We had a new baby boy in January of this year and there has been a normal amount of jealousy as you'd expect, but we have tried to give her loads of attention and reassurance. Any advice?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ArabellaTarantella · 11/09/2014 22:38

She's obviously not ready. If she is going to start school at just over 4 (depending on her birthday) then I think you need to tackle this again in a couple of months. If going at nearly 5 then I think I would leave it for 4/5 months and then try again.

Putting her back in the pull up has just shown her that you will give in if she screams and shouts enough, though.

KentOwl · 11/09/2014 22:59

I know. I knew that as I was doing it - it just felt all wrong, whatever I did. I'm normally a stickler for not giving in to crying / whinging / whatever, but this was another level of sobbing misery. I'm going back to work next week, as well! Maybe you're right, maybe she is just not ready yet. But I felt like such a terrible mum today!

OP posts:
KatyN · 12/09/2014 06:31

If you are going back to work, if your daughter in childcare? My son's nursery have been amazing at helping him potty train. When I expressed surprise to his key worker that she was getting on so much better than we were at home she replied 'I've been doing this for 10 years'.

Maybe leave it for a while and then consult an expert if necessary??

Don't beat yourself up about the pull-up.... It's done. And hardly the worst crime of the century.

K

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