Co-sleeping with toddler and baby - is it inevitable?

[ZebraZeebra]

I've co-slept with DS (22 months) since he was born. He night weaned himself around 12 months and started sleeping through from about 13 months. We've had pretty much perfect sleep since then, bar any occasional ilness - he sleeps around 13 hours a night and we don't disturb each other. We have a big king size mattress on the floor and sidecar cot and it's wonderful.

DH - because he is self employed and has 7am clients and has a very physical job - is semi-permanently in the spare room with a big double bed. I do miss sleeping next to him but it's a small compromise for everyone getting a very decent night's sleep every night. It's for such a small time in our lives, it's not really an issue.

However, I'm pregnant with DC2. We plan to do the same again that we did with DS - DC2 downstairs with us of an evening then up to bed in the side car cot, breastfeeding through the night. But I'm vaguely worried me bringing DC2 into the room when we go to bed and settling them next to me will wake DS. DS is completely in love with his daddy and though he's not as used to sleeping with him, DH is going to spend several nights sleeping just with DS instead of me so if we have to do some bed hopping in the middle of the night - say I need to change DC2 at 3am - DS will be totally fine.

But for those that co sleep with toddler and baby - did your older child eventually decide/you decide they were getting better sleep in another room? It's likely DH would probably just be the co sleeping adult with DS if me and DC2 keep waking DS but I suddenly feel so sad that in six months, I might not be co sleeping with DS anymore!

(Sorry that this is really long!)

Also, how did it work with dual bed times when your youngest was ready to start having a proper bed time, like around 6 months or so? DS was really bad for waking every half hour in the evening from around 7 months to 12 months - it was a nightmare, I was up and down like a jack in a box! Now he sleeps so well, I'm loathe for anything to wreck it.

But that basically means accepting I can't co sleep with both of them and settling them to bed in different rooms. Maybe DC 2 will be an amazing sleeper but I'm not banking on it!

We coslept with my DD(3). She now goes to sleep in her own bed, but if she wakes in the night (which is more often than not) she'll come in with us.

My DS is 4 months and we've coslept since birth. He currently feeds multiple times in the night. My husband needs sleep for his very physical job, so he sleeps in the spare room. If/when DD wakes in the night, she goes in with him.

I do miss having her in bed (and even my husband, occasionally!) but this has worked out best for everyone and ensured that we all get some sleep. Trying to all share together would have been carnage!

My DD was 2y8m when DS was born. She used to go to sleep in her bed then come in with me from first waking (roughly 11pm-1am). When he was born, her sleep was unsettled for a bit and she was jumping up to help with his nappy changes etc. It was a bloody exhausting nightmare for a while, but then (here's the good news....) she decided to stay in her own bed.

She still wakes in the middle of the night but now I have to climb in her bed with her to cuddle her back to sleep, then slope off quietly...!

We all share together and it's carnage

Right. Have 4 children, dd1 and ds1 are ok in their own beds but still get in in the morning for cuddles.
Co slept with ds2 (4) until dd2 was born (4 months ago) she co sleeps -we have a side car cot, but she won't flipping go in it and is constantly attached to my boob- he is in his own bed, but if he wakes he gets in.
Dh then sometimes goes into the spare bed. (I prefer him to but sometimes he ignores my kicking and stays!:( )
Dd often cries in the night, but rarely disturbs anyone but me.
Ds and husband sleep through it.

Hope this helps :)

Is your husband really happy with this situation?

We have 3 teenagers who all started out in our super king size mattress on the floor. The two eldest moved themselves out, more or less, aged about 3, maybe because siblings had come along a few months previously, maybe because they were ready. They still came back sometimes, but it was all quite ad hoc.

I think it is hard to plan, and it will work itself out, as it has done for you in the past. Sorry not to be more helpful, but you sound like you will cope well with whatever happens.

kelly1814 thank you for your concern but yes, my husband is happy with this arrangement. Co sleeping was initially his idea. Amazingly some people choose to co sleep and it fits our style of parenting. DH is a self employed personal trainer. He gets in at nine pm and then gets up the following morning at 5am. There is a lot of pressure on his shoulders alone to feed, clothe and keep a roof over his family's head. He can't call in sick and he works long hours. These were our choices and to ensure he gets the adequate sleep to enable him to do this, we have this set up. It obviously hasn't affected our sex life as I'm pregnant with dc2.

He's not a brow beaten husband who's been kicked out of the marital bed.

Everyone else, thank you for your helpful responses.

DS is only 10 days old but this is how it has worked so far. DD had co slept till 2yo and then I would put her to sleep (sometimes a very lengthy process), but during the days I was in hospital for the birth she has moved into DP's bed and I co sleep with the baby. She has asked a few times to sleep with DS and me but I have put her off so far because DS wakes up constantly and I have to switch on the light to make sure I don't drift off to sleep. DP and I were sleeping in separate bedrooms before the DCs anyway because he snores terribly and likes to sleep in a freezer.

We all bunk in together. My ds starts of in his own bed but gets in with us somewhere in the night. He sleeps inbetween dh and me. Dd is 9 Weeks, and sleeps in a a side cot. I'm very lucky that she only wakes once or twice and goes back quite quickly. If she is having a fussy night she just stays next to me. Ds occasionally asks to cuddle or wake dd which i don't allow and that can cause a few tears, but other than that, it's worked great. They don't wake each other at all. You'll find something that will work.

Thanks everyone. I think I'm having second baby nerves We've got such a good thing going with DS's sleep now, it feels like madness to mess with it. But I was going to sleep the other night and it occurred to me that this might be the start of DS sleeping on his own or me not being the co sleeping parent, and it made me a little sad.

I guess we'll take it as it comes - try it with me, DS and DC2 in the bed and see how any night disruptions go. We have the Angelcare monitor with the little blue night light on it and i think I could probably change DC2 of any pooey naps by the light of that but it's not so bright it should wake DS. I guess I just have to expect there'll be nights DS is disturbed and see how much of an effect that has on him.

I bought those under the sheet bed bumpers and plan on training DS to go to sleep on the other side of the bed in order to make room for dc2 in side car cot.

Am a single Mum and DS (3y8m) and DD (4m) are in with me all night. I had a sidecar cot for the first month but got rid and made our bed bigger instead. We now have 3 single pushed together, with bungee cords to keep them together and bed bridge and super king mattress protector and sheet on two beds DD and I sleep on so no fear of her slipping between the two. (I'd have one big sheet over all three beds if I could afford two custom made sheets!)

The first night DD was here DS sleepily told me that the cat had woken him up in the night, then from then on he ignored her cries. Only issue is he stirs around 6am when I'm feeding her and as he sees me awake is convinced its time to wake up. Before DD I used to pretend to be asleep and he'd roll over for another hour or two!