When did you feel confident taking newborn out by yourself?

[Heatherbell1978]

My DS1 is 17 days old and DH went back to work after 2 wks paternity leave yesterday. While he was off we made an effort to get out most days whether it was a walk with the pram or a more adventurous trip to the shops. We had mixed success with all these trips mainly due to baby feeding constantly so wherever we go we need to factor in time to feed numerous times and change etc. Anyway, just back from my first lone trip with the pram; started off well with baby asleep as I just fed him and then about 20 mins in he started crying which I managed to calm after picking him out and carrying one handed for a while but then he really started screaming and i couldn't find a bench to stop and feed him so this went on for about 10 mins with people staring and one old man telling me I couldn't sit on 'his' bench with 'that screaming child'....anyway eventually I found a free park bench and situation was resolved with a feed and he slept the rest of the way home. I feel pretty shaken up though like the whole trip was a disaster. I really want to get out every day with him but days like today just make me want to shut myself inside. Is this normal?

Firstly, Please do not pressure yourself. And secondly, it does get easier ;) My DS is now 8 months old and in hindsight I was in too much of a rush to get out, and like you, sometimes ended up very stressed! I've had screaming baby, poo-nami with no where to change him, I've bought a coffee only to leave the whole drink when DS kicked off!! I was lucky in that I had my mum for a week after DS went back to work, so DS was nearly 1 month when I braved going out solo. I would say go on small a short journey first. Say 10 min walk & build up from there. Don't sign up to any groups just yet (I took DS from 3 months) but when you're ready they are a great way to give you something to aim for. Good luck & it's not easy at first!

Hiya, I have an 8 week old and know exactly how you feel. My little one is a crier and I've struggled with going out alone. I've only just started to ignore all the comments from people and get on with it. People will always comment, you just have to change the way you feel about it. What made me laugh one time I was out in town and LO was crying in the buggy, someone made a comment about him being unhappy as they always do. Then 5 mins later I'd calmed him down and someone else made a comment about how cute he was. So people will always pass comment, whether it be good or bad! I've had strangers suggest reasons for his tears such as teething (definitely not), he must be hungry (nope, I've just fed him!), and have just learnt to ignore it. Honestly, you must get out of the house as you'll feel so much better. My other half tells me to tell the people who comment that he's crying because he just saw their face! Haha, I never would but it's tempting sometimes!!

I had a similar experience with my first. I found a sling much better and made sure I timed outings just after a feed if possible.

With my second I had to go out and was more confident about feeding etc etc.

I was going out alone with the baby as soon as my DH went back after paternity leave, but that was because I found it really difficult staying at home! We had to get out every day. I went to baby friendly places and always tried to time it so we left straight after a feed. Don't put pressure on yourself, only do what you feel comfortable with. There's no rush.

Don't feel you "have" to go out but if you want to then you shouldn't be scared of it. First of all, in a calm and quiet time, think about and pack the bag with all you need, including a change of clothes for baby and possibly a clean top for you (DS projectiled on me more than once) . Then decide where you are going to go and just go. Anyone like that old man really gets no more than a raised eyebrow. Its a public bench. If there are no others within sight, tough. Nappies can be changed on a knee, in the pram, even on the ground with a foldout mat if needs be. There will be times when it all goes wrong and you knock over your drink (or someone else's) or you get the pram wheel stuck in a door or they wake up at just the wrong time. Both of mine clearly resented any idea that I might browse in Waterstones. Both woke up without fail as I went in the door . The challenges are not really practical ones, they are about having the confidence to out-face anyone like that old man or the well meant but incredibly annoying "helpful" suggestions. Just smile and say "hhmm" "uh huh" and move on. Its early days..don't stress x

I used to take my son to the same cafe everyday for a cup of hot chocolate. We sat outside even though it was December because it was easier than battling the pram inside. I did that for about 2 weeks. Then I might have braved another cafe.

I remember having my hair cut and my sister took my son around town in his pram. She couldn't believe the helpful comments she got whenhe cried and finally understood why I was so Whiney about helpful people.

Hang in there. Maybe try two trips for 10 minute rather than one for 20?

Agree with what everyone else has said. I felt immense pressure to go out and about and be up on my feet around the 2 week mark. However I had a disastrous trip into town with barely being able to walk from the car park to the shops in town. I totally rejected the idea that a c section would mean more rest and more time to recover. Dd screamed and cried and wee everywhere during a nappy change! Total disaster! I felt emotional and shaken and cried all the way home. I then ventured out at 6 weeks and was a completely different experience. We then took it slow and by 3 months I was a pro at feeding / changing / popping car seat into pram / timing feeds etc

I think at the beginning everything is so new and with my next one I am def not leaving the house till I feel ready and willing to.

Oh and don't let the silly old man put you off! You can change/feed your baby anywhere - always remember your baby comes first! Whenever I'm in a situation like that - I tell myself dd and her needs come first and all other doubts simply melt away. That's all I need to justify myself when feeding or having to change somewhere other than a changing room.

Confidently at 6 weeks and since we live in London started using the Tube not long after. But at 2 weeks 20 mins would have been a long trip. I very gently built up my confidence. Would give the baby a massive feed, a change, and then walk for 10-15 mins on a pre planned route. I used to often target his late afternoon nap so if he did fall asleep I would walk for 10 mins more. I promise you it gets better. 17 days is very very early. I had a big breakdown at 17 days and said I wouldn't breastfeed, didn't know how to be a mother, and was sick of it all. A walk and a chat with DH later I was better. Breastfed for a year and didn't hate motherhood after all. So hang in there, this is very early indeed and good on you for trying to go out. And congratulations on the new baby!

The day I brought him home from the hospital I was out down the shops and had to take the dog out for a run too, I had no choice because I was on my own with DH away and I didn't have any food in or even milk to make a cuppa.

I dont wish to offend but I will politely suggest at least strengthening your backbone and not letting people tell you its their bench get to you or leave you 'shaken' because as a parent I am afraid you are going to face much much worse than that for the next lifetime.

remember that 10 minutes of crying baby seems like a super stressful disaster when you've just had a baby and are no doubt very sleep deprived. But really, your trip wasn't a disaster it was fine, nothing bad happened. Ignore the rude old man. The more you do it, the more confident you'll get. Maybe make trips you know will be easy for feeding in the meantime to get you used to it all first?
I wasn't confident taking DS out at all, I literally just thought that he would die or something if I accidentally went over a big bump with the pram or someone breathed near him, think I managed a 10 minute walk on my own with him at about 2 weeks.

If you can, it's worth trying to get over that apologetic "so sorry my child exists" thing that the English have. Your child has every right to be in the world. Babies cry. I am Irish and the attitude the English have to children was a real shock to me, it upset me when my DS was tiny. But I soon found my inner couldn't give a fuck and now I just completely ignore everyone when I take my children out; unless my children are actively engaging with other people then they are entirely my business and no-one else's. Focus on your little one and fuck everyone else.

Take it slowly, you will get more confident.

Hi go at your own pace. The advice, sleep when your baby sleeps is sound advice. You know when you want or need to get out the house, your baby will not starve if he/she doesn't have milk exactly when they cry and crying is their communication. Other folk ignore. I had a csection so wasn't able to get out for 6 weeks. My first trip was to the zoo and did all my challenges in one day.... Negotiating the pram, car seat and even took ds1 to work for a peek. Don't worry.... All comes with time and more kids!

I would have sold said old man to sod off - probably in a far more impolite manner.

Personally when DH went back to work I started commuting with him with the mini (3 hour round trip twice a day - Sussex to London). I appreciate many will think I was mad but DD liked the motion and I fed wherever and whenever I needed to; first BF and then by bottle. From 3 months I got a sling (soon found my baby bjorn was awful and got a rose & rebellion, then a Boba 3g). I continued my epic commutes until DD was 6 months and DH moved jobs to dramatically shorten them lol. I still do it now (DD almost 2) albeit part time and only in the mornings as it coincides with dinner time in the evening.

I found people mostly lovely (I got far more seats with a newborn than I ever did pregnant) - although i've had a few epic wa*ners that didn't bank on me speaking up for myself. Now if I get them when mini plays up I tend to let her create more. You are only human and you are doing the best you can.

Friends thought I was insane but for me it saved my sanity. On the flip side; as a baby I would never wake DD from her naps to go to meet friends whereas they all did - now as a toddler thats totally reversed lol.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do as much or as little as you want - you will find your own way and there is nothing wrong with whatever that is.