some advice needed re childcare

[mrsleomcgary]

Posting here for traffic.

I've been back at work following maternity leave for pfb for just over a month. DH took 5 weeks paternity leave and goes back to work tomorrow. MIL (who took early retirement) had agreed to look after dd a couple of mornings a week (dh works shifts),my mum will take her on Friday afternoons and dh can do the rest.

However,mil dad has alzheimer's and she does 90% of the caring for him. He lives alone in his own home,mil spends the night there as he gets confused between night and day and trys to go to buy milk at 3am,that sort of thing. He has taken a turn for the worse recently, suffered a number of falls and is getting to the stage where he needs to go into a home but mil and her sister aren't ready to accept that yet.

Anyway,to my point. Dh and I starting to realise that looking after dd as well as everything she does for her dad may be just too much for her. She volunteered to look after dd but that was when I was pregnant and her dad wasn't as bad. We've looked into childminders and nurseries but they all want set days which isn't practical for us because dh works shifts and can't get a set pattern every week. My sil lives pretty close to where I work,is unemployed but would like to go to college to study childcare. She has a two year old son and lives with her partner,who is sporadically employed therefore they're always skint. We are thinking about asking her to take dd a couple of days a week and would of course pay her for this. How much do you think would be acceptable?.

Where I am cms charge around £4 hr. The charges then vary depending on what they offer eg lunch and tea. The ones I've used ask you to provide lunch and snacks but do tea

Personally I would use a registered childminder or nursery. You may find the hospital nurseries will take you on a more flexible basis as they're used to shift workers.

Using family for childcare can be a minefield. What will you do if her DS has chicken pox etc? What will you do when she goes on holiday? What will you say when your dd isn't getting naps/wrong foods/discipline you don't like? What if the environment isn't right?

If you're paying her there are employment things to consider too and I think she may have to have first aid etc and register? Not sure on that one.

Depends a lot on whether you like SIL parenting style, home environment and you feel you could approach her if there's a problem. Otherwise it could put major pressure on your relationship.

You can pay a member of your family for childcare without them having to have any certificates or be on any register set .

I think though it sounds like you're totally sure about using her for another reason - is that right? If you're hesitant then I'd keep researching nurseries as some do flexi care. How unpredictable are the shifts? If they're always at the same time but sometimes not on then I'd just pay and know sometimes she'll be in nursery when you're technically free.

I think you'll need to talk to her about the money. You'll also need to decide if you pay her when you cancel sessions and what you're going to do if she/her child/your child is ill. You also need to decide what you supply - food, nappies, clothes, toys and agree extra money for any activities she takes her to.

Registration rules: www.ofsted.gov.uk/sites/default/files/documents/registration-forms-and-guides/r/Registration%20not%20required.pdf