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Original poster

MIL's why are they such funny creatures

12 replies

loopylee4 · 22/09/2006 19:42

Hello,

I am just wondering if any of your mils are like mine ?

My mil has gone away this weekend to visit her daughter and her baby. She hardly ever sees my 2 kids even though she only lives down the road and when she does "pay" a visit she only stops 4 5 mintues and quickly leaves. She said last night that she would ring me when she got to sil to see how my 2 are but as of yet nothing. It makes me soooooooooo mad to know that she couldnt give 2 hoots about my 2 espec my ds who is 9 months as when he cries she just looks at him and leaves him to it yet when sil baby cries she is all over her. I can count on one hand how many times she has looked after ds since he has been born but she is always offering to have the newborn.

it also makes me mad as my mum and dad live 150 miles away and i know 4 a fact they would love to see my kids more often yet mil cant even bothered.

sorry for the rant but i feel like since sil has got pregnant and had the baby my kids arent good enough for her anymore more.

anyone else have similar problems? please dont let me be the only one

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Jaffacake1 · 22/09/2006 19:49

he he he my mil is a midwife. so I am never quite good enough, and she only wants photos of her son with dd.
i just rise above it!

a different kind of problem, but I feel for you anyway. Mil's are grotty.

loujay · 22/09/2006 19:50

No you are not alone!!
My MIL only comes to see us on her way to do something else..........she saw Robbie last weekend and so stayed, a few months ago they were flying from Luton and so stayed etc etc etc.
I just take the attitude that it is her that is missing out

Original poster
loopylee4 · 22/09/2006 19:55

thanks for your replies i am trying to think that she is missing out but when i hear how my folks are missing my kids it makes me a bit

i just wish i could move nearer to my folks as i know how much they would love to see them

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sunnydelight · 22/09/2006 20:00

Flippant response: Be grateful she doesn't want to see you more. My MIL announces her arrival like a state visit (far too often), demands to be collected and dropped off from the bus stop, brings nothing useful (ie. wine) but total tat for the kids, for example, she showed up last time with three plastic THIMBLES, for DD(3) ok, but for DS1 (13) and DS2 (7)!!!!!! Kids are expected to go OOh, AAh, for at least half an hour.

More serious response: It is hurtful when you feel your kids are being overlooked, but it sounds like your MIL is very close to her daughter. Maybe she thinks you have a similarly close relationship with your mum and aren't bothered whether she's involved or not? If you are very brave you could talk to her about the fact that you feel hurt by her bahaviour, or maybe your DH could have a word with her?

Jaffacake1 · 22/09/2006 20:00

my parents ar about to relocate 150 miles away...that scares me quite a lot

noonar · 22/09/2006 20:02

my mil doesnt work but wouldnt committ to having dd1 or 2 one day a week, so i could work. they live 10 mins away. i know that if my sil has a baby, it'll be a different story! know how you feel.

sugarfree · 22/09/2006 20:05

The thing with MILs (I know,I have one) is that they can't actually win.
If they keep their distance it's interpreted as not caring,if they get involved they are accused of smothering and interfering.
It worries me as the mother of 3 boys,really it does.
Whatever she does it will be wrong,trust me,it's nature's way.

noonar · 22/09/2006 20:38

you are right, suagarfree. my mum can offer me advice, and i dont mind, but if mil does.....also, my mum tells me its trickier with her DIL that it is with me, as far as being a grandparent goes.

stramash · 23/09/2006 00:01

If it's any help loopylee, my MIL once then put all my tins in alphabetical order after cleaning out all my kitchen cupboards.
It's a tricky relationship alright.

kdinas · 23/09/2006 14:22

My mother doesn't want anything to do with me or my kids, because I married a man she doesn't approve of. It is a racial issue,.
My dh is a lovely man, and know for his gentle nature and patience, takes care of me and never bats an eyelid at my controlling ways,and hormonal outbursts, lol. My other-in-law doesn't totally approve of me either, but she tolerates me for the sake of her grandchildren, who I know she adores. So I tolerate her and just smile at her when she comes to visit, and say notheing at the odd strange comment.
Incidentally my mother talks to my sister and her family, has her kids whenever my sister wants to, yet her husband is the same race as mine!.
My MIL may not be my favourite person, but she is a better person than my mother is, and I try to see that as much as I can.

trying2bgood · 23/09/2006 18:05

Hello, sometimes MILs find it difficult to know how to react around their son's wives whereas with their own daughters they are happy to interfere as much as they like. I wonder if your sister in law resents the fact her mother spends entire weekends with her!

I bizarrely have bigger problens with my SIL who complains to my PIL when she feels that I do not pay her enough attention or don't allow her to come round,ie, I am actually out!!!! My MIL is not the maternal type so although we get on, she is a little useless with the children, a gap my mum gladly fills!

trying2bgood · 23/09/2006 18:07

kdinas - am sorry to hear about your mother's reaction, it is sad that she will miss your children growing up - her loss.

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