What does it mean when a six year old says "I don't want to talk about it"?

[gingercat2]

Apart from the fact that she didn't want to talk about it! I had been trying to explain how a female partner who I had when DD was born, but separated from when DD was three, isn't part of our family any more. DD still spends time with this ex regularly, but I am almost non contact with her. It came up in conversation while we were getting in the car to go out. She went quiet and I asked her if she was confused about who her family was, and she said "I don't want to talk about it". Then I asked her another question along similar lines, and she repeated it.

I feel so bad about this mess I've put my daughter through. I wanted to keep the communication open about things with her, at age-appropriate levels, hence my attempt at discussion.
I did keep talking, and she said that she thought I'd done the wrong thing because I'd left ex when we were married. She attends religious school and I think this may have come up as part of the ten commandments.

I am female btw

With mine it just means "your upsetting me, can we leave it for now"
So I do, we then gently revisit the conversation in a few days.
I think its important to validate feelings and opinions, but it's also good to discuss how and where the opinion comes from (so you can point out the legitimacy of the source)

I'm no expert so I could be very wrong it's just how I deal with 'don't want to talk about it' conversations

Thank you, that makes sense, I think she might have felt upset about it poor love.

Yes I'd agree with that. I'm not clear if your DD was asking why you don't see your ex or that you initiated the conversation. If the latter, I just wouldn't talk to her about it. She may not need to hear about your relationship breakdown

It came up as we were with my parents and I made a comment about going out as a family, and she said ExP not here, so I explained that she was no longer part of our family but that DD still could spend time with ExP etc.

I know I'm struggling with guilt about DD not having had a stable "nuclear" home environment, and my own feelings of anger at ExP and my desire to eliminate her from our lives.

It's hard to know what/when/how much to say to DD. I've tried to protect her from feeling insecure - exP was verbally and borderline physically aggressive to me for more than two years post-separation and I've gone almost no-contact with her, but DD will continue to see her for the foreseeable future, and I recently realised that I've tried so hard not to bring DD into it that she still talks as though exP and I might still do activities together, so I've been gently trying to explain that those days are over.

Maybe I don't need to be saying anything, DD will work things out for herself eventually.

I'm no expert but I'd let yourself be led by her. Relationships between adults often don't work out (and children fall out with their friends too) so I'd keep things simple if you can. Assuming you are confident your ex is treating your DD well and you think she's a positive person to have in her life?

She treats her well. ..... so no immediate safety issues. .... not sure she's a positive influence as very negative about my new partner, had made awful comments to/around my DD about my parents, partner, partner's parents. ......but not sure I can do anything about that. Court order means she gets access even if I say no.