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No advice needed, just a moan

5 replies

inthetreestwenty · 05/09/2014 12:59

We have spent years trying to be the best parents possible to our kids. I gave up work to be with them daily from ages 0 - 8. We've travelled all over the UK with them, great holidays outdoors, the seaside the lot. We read to them every night, we bough them countless books, we fed them a healthy diet. We never abdicated anything to grannies, we listened to their problems and did everything we could to help, we tried to set them an example by being sporty and taking an interest in science and stuff. They had the childhood I wanted, by Dad was away all the time and mum a teacher so we hardly saw them both. We try not to pressure them even though husband is a high achiever in his work and previous academic life.

Now teenage years are here, both kids are in therapy. Son has issues with the actions of others (cannot say what as it is so odd friends would know this is me) and spends every waking hour playing computer games, daughter is self harming. Both live on the internet despite all we tried to do to show them the outdoors. We both feel utter despair, we cannot see what we did wrong apart from connecting to the internet. They are good kids, high achievers, have good moral values but just are not happy. It's tearing us to pieces. Moan over, I'm sure it will get better.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Cric · 05/09/2014 23:35

It sounds like you are still being there for them when they need you. No advice other than it isn't your fault and just keep being there.

TweeAintMee · 05/09/2014 23:38

Turn off the WiFi and you will get them back maybe for at least part of the day?

workingtitle · 06/09/2014 09:32

You didn't raise your children in a vacuum - there have been lots of influences on their lives and it sounds like they're both sensitive individuals. Being a teenager can be bloody hard at the best of times. You sound like lovely parents and it must be heartbreaking for you. If it helps - probably not - I had a terrible teenagehood, but such a happy life now and a wonderful relationship with my parents.

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mummyxtwo · 06/09/2014 10:33

Oh bless you. All I can say is that I had a happy 0-10 childhood and then it all went wrong in my teens, including anorexia. I'm now a happy, adjusted ( Hmm ) thirty-something and I do actually look back at that earlier part of my childhood and feel gratitude to my parents for enabling me to have that. My miserable teen years did not erase those happy early years, and I am sure those initial foundations of love and security that were built then helped me in time to deal with the subsequent issues and problems I encountered later. It sounds like you are going through a heartbreaking and difficult time, but keep at it, keep providing the support and love that you obviously are, keep being someone that your children can talk to about anything and any problems that they are dealing with, and I hope that it won't be too long before you start to come out of this dark tunnel. All the best x

heyday · 06/09/2014 18:53

Kids with all sorts of backgrounds are having a tough time in the modern world. The internet, for many, is often their sole source of a social life and they simply can't function without it. Perhaps sometimes we can love and protect our children too much and they do not get hardened to the realities of how tough life can be at times.
As parents we can only do what we believe is our best for our children. What they do with their lives as they get older is totally out of our control. Sometimes they take a long time to become the person that they really are. My children went through such troubled times at points in their lives but as young twenty something adults their true personality and direction is emerging and the basic morals that I gave them remains.
Parenting can be such a tough and thankless task at times.

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