DS is 4! He is always crying - slowly losing it!

[julezboo]

I have spent since 9-30am asking him, telling him, shouting at him to get dressed, he still isnt dressed, now he's in his room crying, Im sat downstairs crying, Im such a crap much, whatever i ask him to do, he wont do it, he cries, bedtime he cries, I dont smack or bully him. We shout at him, after the naughty step doesnt work, we take away his favourite toy. It doesnt work. I try explaining to him if he doesn't do as he's told or at least stop crying we wont be going over to his friends later so he can play - he cries more, he never stops!

He just came down with a smile on his face, I asked him "can you please get dressed so we can go out?" he cried at me again, so i sent him back up to his bedroom, hes saying to himself "im a big boy" but he's still crying!!!!

Im now panicking! Im 19 weeks pregnant and very soon will have a newborn also in the house crying all day/night if i dont figure out what to do!!!

get him dressed yourself and give him a cuddle. Maybe he wants a bit of babying?

dd2 cries a lot so I know it can be very wearing though.

mum not much*

You know, this is something I have been chatting to friends about recently. A mum mentioned that her 4yo DS keeps crying at the drop of a hat. And lots of us agreed and said that their child, around the ages of 3.5-4.5yo seemed to have (or were going through) a similar phase. I think there may be some form of hormone kick maybe - or perhaps an anxiety of being a "big boy/girl" all of a sudden. But is does seem very very common.

I'd imagine as you are pregnant as well, this might have something to do with it as well.

I'd help him get dressed for a few days. Lots oof praise when he does things for himself, but lots of mummy time and cuddles too.

I think he's sad - because you are angry with him - that's why he crying.

Maybe he doesn't want to be a big boy - maybe he wants his mummy to baby him a bit and be kind to him???

I think you need to stop the shouting and back off the punishment stuff for a bit and actively help him to help himself!

As Enid says - dress him yourself and then give him a cuddle. And I'd cut out all mention of big boys altogether for now! He's 4 not 14!

I think it is very easy to forget how little 4yo really are. Not much more than babies themselves really.

The fact that he is saying "I'm a big boy" to himself when crying seesm to me that this is something playing on him and really bugging him right now.

thanks girls

Its calmed down a bit now. I asked him to at least try and get dressed if he couldn't do it I would help him, he's getting there. The punishemnet things only ever come as a last resort. I think its because we have alot going on at the moment, he doesnt like cuddles though, never has done. We are off to town for treats and then home to bake and have a happy smiley day hopefully x x x

You poor thing. I am now about 5 months pregnant and feel so much more on top of things than I have done until now. I too have felt a pretty crap mum as I have let ds4 sit in front of tv for hours - I'm just too exhausted. I hope you start to feel better soon.

As for the crying, I agree with what everyone else has said. I really think that four is very young and it doesn't hurt to help him when he feels unable to do things himeself. He will gradually increase the ways he wants to become independent. My ds was 4 in August and has just started to dress himself. He still can't manage his shoes and socks. I help him if I'm in a hurry.

As for the crying, perhaps he has got himself into a bit of a pattern and I would try to break the cycle by doing the babying thing - I like to give my ds as much special mushy mummy time as possible before new infant arrives so he is feeling very secure.

I think shouting is bullying but being pg does limit your levels of patience a lot. When he's driving you crazy try and remember you're not coping as well as you usually would and take a deep breath!!

Are you calling him a big boy and telling him he must do a lot for himself? He may just be overwhelmed - I know it's hard when you're having a baby too.

It sounds like you get frustrated with him - what happens if you cuddle him, tell him you love him and make getting dressed into a game?

thanks again girls.

He can dress himself, he has been doing it for a while, since starting school a few weeks ago he seemed to lose all independance, even asks me to feed him his tea sometimes. I cant really understand why and Im trying my best tobe patient.

HM - if i try to cuddle him he will push me a way, i do keep trying though.

He isnt really aware of the new baby yet, we are trying not to make a big deal of it till after our 20 weeks scan as we have gone through 5 mc's in the last year so dont want to get his hopes up. He knows "mummys got a baby in her belly" but I am focusing more on him settling in at school for the time being, he is used to being with me all day.

Thanks poppynic too, i know its probably because im v.hormonal and worrying that I end up shouting at him. And i do know its not fair to him. We have had a happy day so far, jsut having a rest now before we do our baking )

Julie x x

Awww you poor thing! Maybe the otehr Kids at school have told him that being a big Brother is not all it's cracked up to be, and maybe that is why he is trying to regress? Maybe "Babying him" will really help....also...maybe pointing out what a big Kid can do and is allowed to do and what a lil boy isn't....i.e. make him actively want to be more grown up again, iykwim!
Saying that though...my ms will be 4 beginning of november and he is at the moment crying for silly things...so...might also be a phase! Can't remember es having this, but then he is 10 already, so may just have forgotten all about him!

Julezboo - my ds also started school this term and has also become much more demanding, basically because he is tired, over-stimulated and is trying to cope with sooo much. It seems to me (imho!) that in order to cope with the new stuff he needs to regress with things like getting dressed, feeding himself, even going to the loo. It's like there isn't space in his little head for it all to fit.

My 4yo ds is like this, though he is still at nusery. Every time I say 'no' to him (like no, we cant have sweeties for tea, no you cant say at home, yo have to go to nursery, etc etc and he just throws back his head and screeeechs!
Dd did the same at this age. trying not to worry, but not sure I'm doing too well about it....