Clothing problems with youngest dd

[Rewy]

Dd is 8
She has always been difficult with clothes.
She cannot wear anything that doesn't feel right, she says they hurt or feel wrong.
Wardrobe of clothes going to waste because she will be unable to tolerate wearing them.
She wears the same outfits over and over.
She has over the holidays refused to wear anything but flip flops.
Shoes are a particular problem.
I have always thought she has some sensory problems as she is very resistant to change of any kind.
Can anyone offer any tips?

I have an 8 year old dd who is exactly the same! We had a lot of problems with her as a toddler and pre-schooler. I didn't really under her issues and life was a constant battle.

The book The Out of Sync Child is a very helpful book and helped me see her issues as something more than bad behaviour.
She also had anxiety issues and we took her to a Play Therapist. She was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.

She has done 2 rounds of play therapy. The first time was when she was 4 and it focused on her anxiety and her sensitivity to sound. We had to pay for this ourselves and found it well worth it as without it I don't think she could have coped with school.

She did a second lot of therapy at 7 which really focused on the sensory problems.

She still has issues. She is very restricted in what she wears but we have come to an understanding. She rarely wears socks and they have to be inside out.

I now know the kind if clothes she wears and I try to respect that.

She also picks her own things now.

I have found it useful to buy things a size too big and leave then in her cupboard without a fuss and over time she will get used to things and wear them of her own accord.

I have lots more thoughts but don't want to turn this into an essay!

Have you done any reading about sensory issues? I'll try and find a useful link that has a questionnaire.

Dd fits a lot of the criteria. She is a mix of over and under sensitive. For example she cannot tolerate the toe seam in socks but has an extremely high pain threshold.
She used to be very sensitive to sound but that has diminished over time.

checklist

One of dd's main issues is that she is impervious to cold. It is very difficult to ensure she is dressed appropriately for the weather. She just does not feel the cold.

She hates the feeling of being 'bunchy' - her word for being overdressed/too warm/too many layers.

I counteract this by letting her wear warm boots in winter with no socks, going to school with jacket on and school cardigan in her bag.

I spoke to her headmaster and she no longer has to wear her school tie. She is also permitted to wear non uniform tracksuit bottoms as she could not tolerate the 'plastic' feeling of the uniform and it was causing me huge problems getting her on to school on PE days.

As regards the wardrobe full of nice clothes, we had that too and it caused me so much angst. It was much easier once I let go of the idea of dressing her up according to my taste although it still bothers me when we go somewhere nice and she is casual and scruffy. But at least now we go places without hours of arguing before hand.

Reading with interest. DS2 struggles with clothing. I dread mornings.

Kahori - thankyou so much for your posts

A few things stood out for me.
Dd never seems bothered by the cold, hates socks especially seams on socks.
As a baby she screamed a lot, I'm sure it was because of what she was wearing.
In winter she would pull socks off. She never slept in her pram ever or pushchair or in car seat. She would try to get the straps off constantly.
Dd usually wears more socks even in winter. And I dread the cold because I cannot find a coat she will tolerate for long. As you described your dd saying she feels bunched up. I go through same thing every year.
Dd isn't the slimmest child either so getting clothes is a nightmare. She has chunky legs and a tummy so that's a problem in itself. Add to that the fact that nothing with cuffs, wristbands, frills........ Etc.
She is resistant to exercise or walking she says it hurts her legs and has in the past screamed in pain. Yet she broke her finger once and barely noticed.
School say she has problems with numeracy as do I.
She forgets when I ask her to do something eg please take this to the bathroom and she will happily do it but then I find it on top of the stairs.

I have Googled sensory processing but there are many things she doesn't do.

That should read dd won't really wear socks

It really is a spectrum though and no child will have everything on the list.

Your dd sounds very similar to mine in many ways. Personality wise my dd is quite sensitive and tends to be very dramatic. She feels things very strongly and struggles to find a middle ground.

The play therapist talked to us a lot about 'sensory diet' and taught us some activities to do with dd to help her regulate her senses.

Does your dd have any self soothing actions? Dd had a soother til she was nearly 7 as she could not shut down to sleep without it. She also lives to rub her own and her dad's ears.

Dds issues are somewhat under control now but flare up in times if stress or anxiety.

I have tried to develop a thicker skin because I used to feel everyone was judging me about dd's open coat, no socks, scruffy outfits etc but the more open I have been with people the more I realise everyone had their own stuff going on. I've now met so many people who admit they have a child with these sorts of issues.

I'm not in the UK so can't really advise on where you could go for help. I think Occupational Therapy may be a good starting point. We found Play Therapy helpful but I am not sure what age group it is aimed at.

I'm not sure a GP will be much help, ours wasn't but could be worth a try.

My main advice would be to try and manage things rather than try to control it. You know your dd best so you have the knowledge to work with her, taking baby steps.

Have a read of the book I recommended. It has some useful insights.

Kahori -dd does have some comforters when she goes to bed
I think she is quite an anxious child but seems to oppose a lot of things .She doesnt sit well with change ,for example once i took her out for a meal and it was so busy in there it meant an hour wait for food So i explained to dd and went somewhere else .Her behaviour was awful complete melt down . Next time we went out i pre warned dd that should the same thing happen again we would have to go somewhere else and she was fine .
When she was at preschool few years ago , i took her in brown boots and picked her up in black boots and she went mad .