I had my dd a week ago came home after 3 days to my parents as dh is away a lot with work and I have spent 2 days in tears because all I want is my ds dh and me back. Yes I would be back at weork which I hated with a passion but needed the money. I made this summer the best ever for my ds outings treats etc and made a photo memory book for him. Which never would have happened if I wasn't pregnant. Tbh my parents would have had my ds more this summer if I hadn't been pregnant. As I work latenights and dh works shifts and I am a scaredy cat when it comes to nights on my own with ds. But all I want back is my old life no matter how sh%& it was. I feel like I'm a surrogate for dd and I'm waiting for her real parents to turn up so I can hand her over and go back to normal life. I dnt want her I dnt love her I hate her messing up my nights and all I want is time to myself or with the 3 of us. Right now if I was working id be on a 9 hour shift and parents would have him. And I collect him on Tuesday morning with dh as he's off on tuesdays. Is it pnd or is it true I dnt want her. I was told I couldn't get pregnant again naturally and we decided to try for 12 months then stop for a few years before ivf, she was concieved in month 11. I felt awful all the eay through and was signed off work from march, my parents stepped up and helped 24/7 which was great. I'm seeing a dr tomoz but I'm scared the tablets won't work and I truely resent her. We were told all the way through her chances of survivasl or going to term was minimal and I had prepared ,yself for loosing her! Never did I think id make it but I think the months of thinking she wasn't going to make it made me not want her or Its the pnd talking I have spoken to my mum and she has said I'll take her as much as u need which I'm greatful. I dnt know how id cope I was very jealous of friends who got pregnant and every month id get upset if I wasn't my dh is a anonly child and really didn't want another but I convinced him to, I got prenant and was surprised and excited with a tad of dread. I got 2 17 weeks told it all might not b viable and started to think hubby was right maybe it wasn't right to have another baby and I got to 8 months and felt the same way I cried when I saw her for the first time and then nothing. My dh didn't cry this time but did with ds. Help