am I boring ?

[irgmama]

A work colleague called me boring today it was in a joking way but its kinda affected me, the reason she called me boring is because I don't drink and don't go out and during a conversation I said how I just can't be bothered with sex most of the time I am only 21 and my work mate is late 40's. So now I'm sat at home thinking am I boring??...........
I had my daughter at 17 and when she was born I became mummy even my fb and mn account names are ***mummy, I gave up everything for my baby and I don't regret it or at least I didn't think I did until now I'm sat here on my own watching crap TV feeling bored and a little emotional at the tout of losing my identity yet guilty for feel this way ??
Give asking for some advice so I can stop wallowing in self pity

TIA

I'm in about your situation, I'm 23 with a 1 yo and I don't drink or go out clubbing or anything, people who require alcohol to make themselves "fun" are boring!
Being a responsible and the best parent you can be is pretty important if you ask me, especially during the earlier years, and if that is considered by society to be boring (which I think unfortunately it is) then so be it!
When the DC are older and you can reclaim some of your social life (if you so wish) then you can but don't beat yourself up about being a good parent.

There is nothing more boring than people who don't grow up and are still judging how exciting people are on how often they go to the pub at your friends age. Urgh. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a good mum and how many nights out you have do not define you as a person.

When you are the mother of a young child then that is the centre of your being. It does change as they get older and they start doing things outside the home and so do you.

I would change your Facebook name to your name though.

I think people who have to tell you how much fun they have are generally much more boring than any of the rest of us. Ignore your colleague, you are being a good mum and you have years ahead of you where you will enjoy all sorts of things in life. You don't have to impress her

Right so you don't drink, ok you'll have more money and you won't age prematurely. Sounds good.

You don't go out. Do you want to? Do you have any adult company? I don't go out much but do try to have a night out once a month to see my friends, even if its just inviting a couple of friends around and cooking dinner.

Not interested in sex. Do you have a partner and if so, are they ok about it?

Thanks guys
My Facebook name is my name ***mummy my last name
I dunno why it got to me like it did and I know she didn't mean it nasty but think I just needed some reassuarnce that there are other mums out there who have totally given up the life they had before xx

I think personally that it is important to keep your identity. That doesn't mean that you have to go out drinking but I agree that some people give up on life when they have dc and I personally don't get that. Perhaps you are dwelling on this because dc is now 4 and actually you do need to start doing something just for you? But it needs to be right for v you personally

You don't sound boring, but the FB name is not good. Use your actual name of FB.

I think life changes for most women once the baby is put in their arms. There seems to be so much pressure these days to get straight back to going out/pleasing your man/recovering your figure straight after birth and its rubbish. You've spent 4 years being a wonderful mum.

I'd stop dwelling on the comments and take a couple of days thinking of what you want in the next 5 years. Write a list if it helps. Then start putting it in place.

You sound great and I only wish I had half of your maturity at 21

I feel for you. I spent along time worrying that I was very dull indeed. I got married young and had my children young. I never really had a big social life and spent most of my time with my DC and my large extended family who live near by.

20 years later I don't regret it at all, and I don't see it as boring. I gave my DC a lot of stability and routine. They are really grounded in our local area (we've never moved) and have friends now at 18, 19, 20 years old that they still hang out with from when they went to,toddler group. They have really solid relationships with their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents because we spend so much time together. These aren't 'Disney' relationships where grandma sees you once a year and spoils you rotten (nothing wrong with that, though!) but real ongoing day in day out relationships.

I think my DCs have good solid roots and lots of sensible role models in their lives....and that's not boring, that's just trying to be a good parent.

You sound like you are way more mature than your colleague.

Yes I have my partner he is my lg father and if been with him since I was 15, he obviously would like more sex being a typical male but I guess he understands that I work 12 hour shifts running around after elderly come home and run around after my lg and I'm just to tired, the funny thing is I was sat thinkin who do i consider my closest friends and they are all in there 30 and 40's and yes me and my friend meet up a couple times a week for a cuppa we have just as much fun as we would out clubbin to be fair ,she is 45 is that weird all my good friends are older ?
I always get told I'm quite mature for my age I guess I grew up quick when I became a mum but after today I started thinking maybe that was peoples way of discreetly telling me I'm boring lol!
Thank you for all the positive comments !! They have really made me feel better about myself tonight xx

You sound lovely to me! I actually feel a bit sorry for 40 year olds who judge 20 something year old mothers and deem them to be 'boring' to be honest! You are doing a great job. If you feel bored yourself then there's no harm with arranging meet ups with friends/ family/ night outs etc, you don't have to lose your identity completely. But it sounds to me like this woman has made you doubt yourself and before her comments you were happy. You don't have to fake a party lifestyle to have friends or seem interesting! I don't go out drinking, never go clubbing or anywhere without my DH and the children. I don't feel boring, I feel settled.

And no it's not weird you're friends are older. I'm 30, my closest friend is 54! I also can't be arsed with sex....DH can't either though! We are knackered from working full time and raising our 2 boys.

You just sound mature to me op

But I have been there!

I was pregnant at 19 and pretty much fell out of my social circle because it was held together by going on benders 3 times a week! When you have a family it takes a lot of time and energy and it can be so rewarding.

I do have find memories of my time before having dc but I wouldn't go back there.

I rarely go out and if I do I can't really be arsed drinking because I know I will be feeling rubbish the next day with 3 dc to care for!

Different people have different priorities. And those who don't want the family life and haven't given much thought to having dc because it's not their priority at this moment in time have no idea of what it is like and how rewarding it can be and how it makes all night benders look less appealing!

dont worry about it .i am 44 .i have never drank .just never appealed .i would not say i was boring .i love parties and things just not the alcohol .but at your age you should be more than mummy .if you have family maybe someone would watch your little one to let you out now and again even to the cinema /a meal .just something adult for a change .you sound like you are doing a good job for someone so young .dont let others put you down .

You sound like a normal grown up woman to me. Unlike your work colleague

I wasn't into pubs and clubs at your age either, and had friends in their 30s and 40s. Now I'm in my forties and my friends range from 20s to 70s! Very few of my friends drink, if we do go out with them then we go home early when they start to get pissed and boring

Your work colleague sounds dull as fuck to me

I've found that those who think people can only have a good time if they drink alcohol are actually pretty dull themselves so ignore the mean comments. It was nasty of your colleague to say that.

But it does sound like you need to start doing things for yourself too. And that absolutely does not mean doing something that doesn't appeal (eg going out drinking) - try and think of something that YOU really want to do, eg:

Join a choir
Evening class
OU course (I think they still do 'openings' courses which are not at all pressured)
Book group
Gym/fitness classes/walking club

This is a subject dear to me as I've learnt since becoming unwell that it is vital to my health (mental and physical) to do things for myself. I never had this before, I always felt like a non-person (in fact it was a big factor in me deciding to TTC when I was very young - I didn't want to care for myself, only someone else - not that I regret it now of course, my DCs are fabulous :o but when we have another DC it will be very, very different). I now have a few different things I try and fit in - piano, reading, maths. Have done art classes in the past and would love to join a choir. When DCs return to school I'm going to start learning to read/write Japanese and reading about a particular subject that fascinates me (history of animation - I'm a cartoon/anime geek :o and these things develop naturally, so if you don't have any particular interests now, it doesn't mean you never will!).

Hang in there. It's bloody hard when DCs are little and it can feel impossible - and indeed futile - to try and carve out any 'you time' but it is really important. It gets easier once they are at school.

Please don't worry about what your immature colleague said

My dsis was recently at a daytime event with a range of people of different ages. My dsis is in her 40s and was constantly harassed by another woman (who my dsis does not know) to have a drink, any drink as long as it was alcoholic. Being early afternoon, my dsis was quite happy not to and was having a good time.

The woman in question kept going on and on about have a drink, enjoy yourself etc etc. She kept saying all of this as she downed roughly 3 bottles of wine that afternoon. I think she wants others to drink with her to validate her own drinking and can't understand how others don't need a drink to have a good time.

The woman in question was well into her 70's. My dsis felt quite sorry for her.