I'm worried I feel differently about my dcs

[susannahmoodie]

I have 2 beautiful sons, ds1 is 3.7 and ds2 is 12m.

I love them but ATM I feel like I must be a terrible mother because I just find the little one v hard work and find myself saying things like 'it'll be so much easier when he's ds1's age, as if I'm wishing the time away

Atm ds2 is teething, still bf and doesn't sleep through, cruising so requires constant supervision, extremely messy when eating, generally demanding although lovely!!

Ds1 otoh can take himself to the toliet, sleeps all night, can hold hilarious conversations and entertain himself for more than 5 mins at a time. Whenever u try to sit down and play a game with him
Ds2 crawls over and wrecks it, whenever I read them a story ds2 paws at the pages and tries to rip them out

I know maybe it's just a difficult age but I don't remember feeling this way about ds1 at this age. I was fascinated by everything he did, I was delighted by his farts, when he chucked food in the floor i said he was 'discovering gravity'. This time it's just annoying. .

I'm a shit mum aren't I?

No, you're not.

I only have one child but I think it's impossible to love two children exactly the same all the time. Like you say, one May be in a delightful phase, and the other might be very challenging.

I'm pretty sure I prefer older children to babies, and in your position I'd be feeling the same.

This is normal. You can love your child but not the behaviour! Plus with your older one you know what is to come.

I had similar with my two. Preferred my older one! But now they're two and four and god I love 2 year olds mostly so I find myself cuddling my youngest a lot as she is adorable. Not to say my eldest isn't but I love them in different ways.

Also I think you block out the crap stuff with your pfb!

Also with your first he had your undivided attention, you didn't have another to entertain at the same time.
Go easy on yourself it can be difficult, we all have our moments. Can you use a play pen for the little one for short periods when you want to read with your elder child?
Or pop him in a high chair at the table with you with his own little book.
Do you get time on your own with the youngest to bond etc?

Well on mat leave ds1 was still in nursery for 2 says so u had time with ds2 then hit now I'm Back at work I don't have that really.

Ok, it is a bit of a juggle I know and some phases/days you feel like you are just riding it out!
I think things will settle for you when lo is not teething and starts sleeping, can't be too far off now optimistic as my second one was gone two before sleeping through.
you're not a shit mum though to be feeling like this, I had days where I wondered if five pm was too early for bed! Days when I only had ds and wondered what the hell I had done but then came dd and as another poster said you almost forget the first ones grotty days!
Does sound though like ds2 is just being 12mths, can your partner occupy him whilst you have a bit one on one with your eldest?

I am experiencing the opposite! DS (6) is being challenging, so DD (1) seems much easier at the mo.

I think the key is being aware. As others have said it is likely to change and change back across the years.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best.

I felt exactly the same! DS1 was just turned 4 when DS2 was born and it was sooo so hard not to compare them all the time and not miss my time alone with DS1. DS2 was also challenging as a baby/ young toddler and I hated how he seemed to trash everything of DS1s. It meant I couldn't really play with DS1 at all and everything was always about DS2 which made me feel even more guilty and almost resent DS2 for being 'the bad one'.

DS2 is now nearly 3 and so much nicer to be around! He is funny and cute and cuddly. DS1 however is nearly 7 and is filled with attitude and a sense of entitlement....he's also lovely, funny and very clever but my goodness he is challenging at the moment. Think he's had a hormone surge or something because he is very emotional at the minute, seems to have more emotional outbursts than the 2 year old!

What I'm trying to say is they go through phases, they all do. DS2 was a challenging, destructive little baby but my god he was worth it! DS2 was probably also a challenging, destructive baby (aren't they all?!) but I didn't have to split myself in 2 and beat myself up with guilt at 'neglecting' the older one. Give yourself a break, you're not a shit mum at all. It gets better. x