Night time sleep for newborn

[Em1503]

Hi our DD is 2 weeks old now and refuses to sleep in her Moses basket or crib at night. She will only settle on me and occasionally DH for shorter periods. As a result I am getting no sleep at all and as DH goes back to work in a couple of days he thinks we need to find a solution. I don't disagree with him although from what I've read she's not likely to sleep anywhere else yet with being so young and needing me for comfort and to feel safe. DH read about putting baby down in crib and letting them cry for a minute or so then picking them up to soothe them then returning them to the crib and repeating until baby is used to going in there.

Well we tried this tonight (reluctantly be me) and after many tries and lots of crying from DD with no success of her sleeping in the crib DH is now asleep and DD is fast asleep again in my arms. This feels right even though I am suffering from no sleep.

Anyway my question is, at 2 weeks old isn't she too young to be trained like that to get used to the crib and have I just got to ride out this stage as best I can? Happy to be proven right or wrong, I just want to be doing what's best for little one.

2 weeks is too young for sleep training. Your baby is only new, you're right. She needs you to feel safe and secure.
God knows how we get through these newborn days, but we do

Just do whatever it takes to get her to sleep, let her sleep on you then transfer to crib/cot/basket when she's in a deep sleep. And you'll have to sleep during the day too so you can catch up on your own sleep.
It will get a bit easier soon.

Follow your instincts. Sleeping with your baby feels right because it IS right. Some babies happily settle in Moses baskets, and others don't. Your baby needs you, and that's fine.

Trying to sleep train at 2 weeks old is pointless as well as cruel - she is too young to be able to remember and learn at this age, her brain is not developed that way yet.

Look at the UNICEF guidelines for safe co-sleeping (e.g firm mattress, keep pillows out the way, never sleep on sofa together).

When ds1 was tiny, I used to get upset about in laws etc telling me he should be in his cot, preferably in a separate room - but now that I have ds2 I am much more confident. We don't even have a cot!

A good book about co-sleeping is Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson.

Congratulations on your new baby!!!

Yes, if you want your baby to be in her basket, transfer her when she is already asleep. If the basket is right next to your bed, she will still be able to hear you breathing etc

My dd is now 10 weeks and is the same at night, she has to fall asleep on me, I then wait for her to settle, then wait a further ten mins so she is very sleep and only then do I put her in the basket. It often takes 2 or 3 attempts after each feed but she does eventually sleep in the moses basket. It is exhausting. My dh sleeps in another room which obviously helps him but I find the nights easier that way too as I can just get on with it and not worry about disturbing him. It also means he is on ' watch' for the 2 older dcs so I'm not disturbed by their night wake ups. The other thing we do is I give the baby to dh at around 5.45 each morning. He takes her downstairs while i get a mini lie in. In fact the baby is sleeping on me right now and IM gearing up to handing her over very soon....

Thanks for the replies so early. That's what I thought, now I feel guilty that I went along with DH and tried it we have tried transferring her to the Moses basket once she's in a deep sleep but she always wakes up crying within a few minutes. Will continue crying though and think I'll look into co-sleeping too.

Oh don't feel guilty about trying it! You didn't try it for long.

My ds1 used to wake up too. I spent ages feeling like an inadequate mum because I couldn't get him in a cot like everyone told me to, and just wanted to cuddle him anyway. Even in the daytime, he would never sleep in a basket, only in the sling.

Ds2 was a better sleeper, and used to sleep in his basket during the day. Don't know if he would have slept without me at night.. I never bothered trying really, just assumed from day 1 that he would also with me.

Newborn snuggles are so precious, so lovely. Don't waste any time feeling guilty about anything, just enjoy every moment!

Thank you. It's reassuring to know that many newborns are the same. We'll try again with the Moses basket tonight.

If I want to put DD down (she's 3 weeks) she has to have been asleep for 20 mins on me to be deep enough. A sleeping bag really helps so she's not going down onto a cold surface too.

Try sticking the mattress sheet down your top for a couple of hours so it smells of you before putting it back on the Moses basket when she goes down. Also, use a hot water bottle to warm the mattress (take it out before she goes in). This worked for us.

Don't feel bad for not knowing what to do. They don't come with an instruction manual!
Though saying that, they kind of do- your instincts. My baby is 16 months old now and looking back since she's been born I can't believe how strong my instincts have been on some things. And I've always been right with hindsight.

And the mothers hormones really do make your relationship with your baby different to your DH. It's odd but there you go.

I also had a huge shock with our newborn. No one had told me about the lack of sleep. Thanks guys

Here's my top tips-
Put your tshirt you've been wearing over the Moses basket mattress.
Get a hot water bottle to warm the mattress.
Consider using a swaddle- gro swaddle is good but read all the safety instructions.
Wait at least 20 mins after baby is asleep to transfer.
Put basket by your bed so you don't have to stagger about too much.
Consider cosleeping. Read the Isis sleep website as lots of info on there.
Good info for your DH to read too.

I cracked up after getting up every 2 hrs for 10 weeks and coslept. It's brilliant.

The technique your DH tried is really for older babies. I understand why he wanted to try it, but at a few weeks old your baby doesn't know they are not part of you anymore. They need your warmth and security. They don't know they've been born in 2014 in the uk and no tigers etc are going to eat them if they aren't being cuddled. And you can't 'teach' this either.

Look up the forth trimester, it makes a lot of sense to me.

Congratulations on your baby, hang in there.
Don't have who is more tired competitions just try and be nice to each other.
This phase doesn't last for ever and you will survive.
Hugs!

John Lewis have a baby sleep nest for over night sleeping that I've heard works really well for babies that like to be snuggled as it feels like being held it's pricey but if your anything like me it's a small price to pay for rest. DS had his longest and deepest sleeps in a massive pillow but obviously we couldn't put him in it over night I wish I would have known about this at the time.

www.johnlewis.com/store/sleepyhead-deluxe-bed-guard-white/p231482924?navAction=jump

Ds was like this. We would hold him until he fell asleep, and then as soon as we put him down, he would wake up. After a few miserable weeks with nobody getting any sleep I ended up sleeping in the bed with him lying on his front on my chest. After a few weeks of that he was happy to sleep beside me if I put my arm around him. At about two months he agreed to sleep in his cot for part of the night. At four months he spent the full night in the cot. Best of luck, its hard going but doesn't last forever.

rent a bednest www.bednest.com/ if you're worried about co-sleeping or read the guidelines on safe co-sleeping from UNICEF and just co-sleep.

Many newborns don't sleep well in a cot and often co-sleeping is the best way for everyone to get some sleep, there are risks but there are more risks when a sleepless parent sits up all night with a newborn on their chest and there are many ways to minimise the risk of co-sleeping which is very low risk anyway if you meet all the criteria for doing so.

Do you try the Moses basket for naps in the day? With my dd I found she was more willing to give it a go during the day, and I think that made her more used to it and more willing to sleep in it at night.

Even if you choose to co sleep for now, if you want her in the basket in future do keep trying the Moses basket, ideally putting her in it after she falls asleep every time before co sleeping or she will never want to sleep in it.

And if it's any consolation, it was around the 2 week mark that my dd started sleeping in the Moses basket, and then she was quit happy. Swaddling definitely helped her.

It seemed to be the transfer that woke my little guy too. Someone told me to lie him down feet first and slightly onto his side to stop the startle reflex. The majority of the time he would then roll onto his back, if not I could gently roll him back.

My dd was a little like this. It was always putting her down that woke her.
Keep her warm! Make sure when she is on you, whatever blanket/sleeping bag you are using is already warming, either around her or lie on it! If you can wrap her before she settles, so much the better.
We found that the 'womb noise' sound on a slumberbear really helped. Whenever she stirred, it would go off, settling her back into a sleep. Didn't always work, but did help.

Good luck. It doesn't last forever. Mine first slept through 8 hours at 7 weeks. Keep going!

Couldn't get my ds to sleep in a Moses but he was ok to be transferred to side sleeper by me.
We hired this one m.nctshop.co.uk/Product/4364R?deeplink=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nctshop.co.uk%2FBednest-Rental-for-6-months%2Fproductinfo%2F4364R%2F

It's the best thing we did :)

I'm really sorry that didn't work as a link on the new mobile site. You'll have to c&p.
We also started using baby sleeping bags to keep him warm and make the transfer easier.

Hire an nct bednest, £99 for 6 months, you can lie right next to baby safely, even hold her, but she's in her own space - a truly amazing invention

I don't even think I can co-sleep at the moment as she still won't sleep away from me, even if it is by my side. I tried last night, she was fine for a few minutes, then started to get upset so I managed to breastfeed her lying down and then within 5-10 mins she was awake and upset until I picked her up and put her back on my chest and then she was fine, so it wasn't wind or anything. This was despite having my arm cocooned around her and swaddling her.

I'll buy a gro bag and have a look at the sleepyhead thing. I would happily cuddle her all day and night if I wasn't so sleep deprived!

It's completely normal, she's still so tiny she just wants to be with you. I've very recently gone through this and just let dd sleep on me and tried transferring her to the crib when she was in a deep sleep - sometime it worked, sometimes it didn't and I had to pick her up and let her sleep on me those nights and just struggled through the next day sleep deprived. I'm glad to say though that at 5 weeks old dd will now sleep in her crib the majority of the night (she was in there from 12-7 last night with a brief break for a feed at 5am) so the phase won't last forever.

As an aside she would never sleep in her Moses basket, I don't think she found it comfortable but she will sleep in her crib which has a thicker mattress and also in the carrycot off her pram.

My dd did this for a bit. Here's what I did:

Ask DH (nicely) if he doesn't mind sleeping in the spare room for a bit. Ask DH to hold DD until you are settled in the bed.

Build up the pillows at your head so you can sleep in a semi-reclining position on your back.

Have one pillow under each elbow, put dd on your chest and hold her to you so your elbows are resting on the pillows. You might need two pillows under each elbow.

You should be careful not to have your DD under the duvet with you so she doesn't overheat. I put my dressing gown on backwards so it covered my arms and top half then had the duvet over my lower abdomen and legs.

This way your dd can sleep on you and you can get some sleep too because your hands will be resting but holding her and you won't be able to roll over.

You may spend a fortune on pillows and spend a while getting it "just so" but you may also get some sleep!

I did this in hospital the night dd was born (with the lovely adjustable NHS beds, made getting up with a c-section scar so much easier!) and I remember the midwife peeping through our curtains, smiling, and leaving us alone. it just felt so right to have dd on me and not in her little fishtank.