Behaviour consequences / time-out

[TongueBiter]

How long do you give a just-6 yo for time out (if that's your method of behaviour management)?

And is there any point in giving a time-out this morning for behaviour at bedtime and an 11pm waking last night?

My opinions are to have a 'calm down' time rather than time-out so the child can recognise their own emotions etc; and to have a consequence such as withdrawing screen-time or no treat at the shops etc.

It's a long back story to this situation but I am trying to co-parent with this child's birth-parent for a couple of days (I do have PR and fulltime care 99% of the time) but when the situation arises that the birth-parent has access, we lock horns on our behaviour management methods. My parenting is not perfect by ANY means, but I find it difficult to have the conversation about issues like this. I see them issuing extended time-out as a cop-out of parenting responsibilities when tired!

bumping for opinions please

Not really able to help but didn't want you to think that nobody was listening/nobody cared.

My DD (3.7) gets rather over-stimulated at times and finds it hard to calm down or control her behaviour. We've done the 'naughty step' in the past ( a minute per year of age) but this doesn't always work.

I don't think a 'time out' for waking in the night is at all appropriate. All children wake during the night at some point or other. Getting them back to bed with as little fuss as possible seems to be the most effective in the long run although protracted and frequent wakings can be exhausting for the adult managing this.

A calm-down time seems like a good idea. I just came across this which I'm considering. Just need to find some glitter and a big safe bottle.

Thanks MrsC - yes, I've always gone by the minute per year of age when necessary. This morning, he was put in his room for THIRTY minutes. Needless to say, the parent has been fast asleep since then. It's difficult to have the conversation without us both just ranting about our differing parenting techniques. I did say that I thought it was excessive, but birth parent was adamant that it was for last night's behaviour (when the child was angry and rude) and for whatever misdemeanour occurred this morning when I was mumsnetting in bed still asleep.

I don't know whether to turn a blind eye to the parenting for the few occasions this happens, or to have further discussions, when I will inevitably be made out to be the bad guy despite turning my life upsidedown to take on full care of their child .

General consensus is that punishment needs to follow on the tail of the incident/behaviour that warranted it. No good holding out 'til hours later/next day as the child will have forgotten what the problem was.

It's really hard sometimes when your child has been being rude/difficult/generally winding you up and I do my best to ensure that I'm aware that it is MY reaction to the behaviour or MY perception of the behaviour that is usually the cause for annoyance, etc.

At the moment, DD is playing with her lunch. She specifically asked for what she has on her plate. She has been sat there for over 20 minutes. Rolling bread into pellets, squashing a tomato into the plate etc. It's giving me the rage. I've come away to the computer for 5 minutes and I've set a timer for 15 minutes time. If the food's not gone by the time the alarm goes the plate will be removed. I'm not going to sit there and get wound up by it.