Overprotective dh?

[Lilmisssunshine7]

Hi, my ds is 21 months, and has been walking since his was 11 months so quite good on his feet.
Me and dh have been clashing recently as I am a lot more relaxed when it comes to letting ds potter and walk by himself outside. Dh wants him to be on his reins or holding hands at all times. I do keep a hold of him when near traffic etc, but I think he's quite safe to walk by himself most of the time.

He tripped and fell and cut his lip a couple of days ago walking down a very quiet farm track, and dh went bananas that I never listen to him, ds should have been on reins, how can I let him hurt himself etc etc. it's not the first time ds has tripped on this particular track, and dh thinks that I was stupid to let him walk unsupervised there again.

I think he is being totally over protective - he doesn't even want ds playing on rough grass because of 'hidden dangers' - I say he is a little boy, and I do my best but he is going to trip sometimes whatever we do!

I am eight months pregnant so can't carry ds far at the minute, and he hates his reins, so for me it's easier to let him be a bit more independent. I'm a sahm so he is with me most of the time, and I do my best.

Dh is a great dad, and hates the thought of ds getting hurt - his own dad didn't give a flying fuck about him when he was small, and I think a lot of it stems from that. But I just think he has unrealistic expectations of how closely children can be watched - especially when dc2 arrives soon!

Am I wrong in thinking he is going to bump and trip, and we can't wrap him in cotton wool? Or is dh right and I should be doing more?
Just interested to hear other ppls opinions! Thanks.

Hmm well I'm definitely a reins parent. I use them constantly when outside unless we are in a park so traffic is far far away. I just don't trust toddlers anywhere near roads and also if they fall I could stop them whacking their heads on the pavement if wearing reins. I love reins

Sorry I realise you said you have him on reins near the road.. I was talking generally. I do use mine a lot.

Thanks for reply fairy. Yep, I'm with you that near roads/water etc reins or hand holding are a must. I wish I could put him on the reins more, but he just plops down and refuses to walk, so I end up carrying him, which at 8months pregnant is tricky! Ds is a independent, stubborn little soul!

Like you said, it's the chances of him whacking his head that dh worries about. Only he worries about it on grass, muddy tracks (we live in the countryside), in fields, paths, just about everywhere really! I know that there is always a chance it could happen, just feel it's a bit much to expect a child not to run around a park without reins on 'just in case'.

I'm like you. I have reins for both of mine but it's hard to control 2 sets of reined children getting their straps intertwined and knotted together! I've also found that they seem more unstable with them than without. Instead I have trained mine to hold my hands or the pushchair when walking anywhere not too busy.
When it's not busy, for example when we're walking along the path up the bypass (not on the actual road - I'm not that reckless, but a path separated by a fence and some trees), I let my 3 yr old walk a certain distance ahead. It's inevitable that they will fall over at times but, for the majority of people, a grazed knee and a cut lip won't usually cause any problems.

Sorry that should say that they hold my hand or the pushchair when walking anywhere fairly busy. Only if it's really dangerous, like next to a busy road or on town on a Sat aft when there's more of a risk of them getting lost, do I put their reigns on.

I feel for your DH, but I think he's being a little over sensitive I'm afraid. You're right, cotton wool isn't appropriate - all kids are going to tumble over sometimes. But generally, they bounce

How does your DH feel about DS growing up and wanting to play football, rugby, roller skating, riding a bike...?

I agree with you, he's a little boy who wants his independence and he's going to topple sometimes. He has been walking for quite some time too...

Our ds is 10 months and recently started walking, and we let him totter on his own on grass. Tbh, he goes a bit loopy when we try to hard to get involved - shaking our hands away etc. We insist most of the time for now, but rolling that forward several months, and adding in the pregnancy? Imo you're being completely reasonable.

Thankyou for your replies. It's nice to know I'm not being completely unreasonable.
I know he just doesn't want anything bad to happen to ds, but I think he just needs to relax a bit and accept that kids are going to fall and hurt themselves. Especially when we are going to have a new baby as well - I won't be able to split myself in half.
The daft thing is he is a proper outdoorsy blokey bloke with quite a dangerous job, and ds adores him and would copy anything daddy does. I have pointed out to him that in a few years ds will be wanting to climb trees and play rugby etc, so he will need to learn to chill a bit by then!

Yanbu. My dd is only 5 months old and learning to sit. She has to topple to learn balance etc properly and it's ok cos I can do it on blankets, bed etc. but it's the same with toddlers.

He'll never learn to be careful where he's walking and improve his balance if he's half expecting you to magically stop him from falling.

Kids bounce, I bet he's happier overall with a few bumps then wearing reins all the time.

I had a phase of trying to get DD (now almost 23 months) to hold my hand all the time but quickly realised that its really not practical - now as long as she is walking nicely next to or in front of me (within grabbing distance) I left her go - children do need to learn how to walk!

DH is like this with our twins (23mo!) but we compromised by using the Kanga reins (for twins) that attach to my waist and around their waist so they don't feel "restrained" but can walk so far in front. I use these (and my hand/(hold or in)stroller or buggy board) on streets, back roads, woodsy areas and dirt tracks and around water. In the park I just unclip them and let them run wild on grass and bark but keep an eye on them.

I know DH is overprotective and would have them constantly in the stroller if I'd let him but no matter how many times I tell him that they'll hurt themselves at some point, he won't let it go and I don't want to dismiss him because they're his kids too and he has a say in how we look after them so I just comprised enough for him to stop worrying so much . He's been overprotective with all the DC and to be fair I am too in some areas and I'd be annoyed if he told me to get over it and relax.

Discuss and compromise is my advice. But, no you're not that unreasonable :)