Really struggling to control my 4 year old, I'm exhausted :(

[IHeartLockhart]

He's always been very lively, doesn't sit still for longer than 5 minutes, but he's become so much harder over time.
Like I said he never sits still, he doesn't/can't follow instructions, he has a meltdown over the smallest of things. I feel like I can't even leave him alone for a few minutes when he's having one of those days (which are very often) cos he's always on the lookout for what he can do to break something or do something he specifically knows he's not allowed to do.

His meltdowns are becoming embarrassing, so much so that we don't want to take him out to friends houses or out to eat etc.

We've always been consistent in what our expectations are of him, we never threaten something and not follow through on it. We honestly try our very best to control him but it's like trying to put a lead on a tornado most of the time.
What are we doing wrong and when will it end?! I'm just not enjoying being around him most of the time now and that's not how I want to feel.

Anyone?

I have a 4 year old DS and can sympathise, though we have more good days than bad.

Guessing you know about the massive testosterone surge boys get at 4?

We're riding it out. Trying to stay consistent and not shout. Daily exercise really helps. DS has just mastered his bike and he's so much better when well fed and a has done something physical.

Other than that, I try to praise/criticise the behaviours rather than him, use consequences, and we use 1,2,3 magic for times when it's getting out of hand.

It's not you. It's not even really him. It's a massive hormone surge of aggression that you need to provide an outlet for - swimming, cycling, pretend sword fighting, wrestling with daddy...

You're not alone OP.

The testosterone surge thing is a myth, promoted by Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys book. He cites no evidence for it and there are no studies that show this to be the case, sorry.

Well I'm now hugely ashamed of myself!

I'd read it so many times, on reputable sites, that I just believed it. Having just searched for scientific evidence, it would seem that it's all based on what Steve biddulph wrote, as culture says. Santa indeed!

Well, I stand by the rest. Consistency and daily frequent exercise and regular feeding have massively helped us.

Sorry for the misinformation OP.

Thanks Sunshine. I do get him out every day for a walk but even then it doesn't make much difference.
We are consistent with everything and do praise him wherever possible, it just doesn't seem to make much difference.

When are they meant to calm down? Or will he be like this forever?

I'd take him for a walk, take him to the playground, then take him swimming... Then see what happens later that day...

Boys need huge amounts of exercise, or it just bubbles up into a mischevious state of mind, causing havoc.

Op I sympathise hugely. My 4 (nearly 5) year old boy is very similar. Most days are a big struggle. Most embarrssingly he hits me when he flies into a rage. He knows hitting is wrong, I just don't get it. He constantly pushes boundaries & gets upset. Sigh, is very hard worm!

Oh & we go out every day, come rain or shine. He gets loads of exercise, is really physical. I am hoping school will help.

Thing is if I get him doing too much then he gets over tired and is even worse! It's hard to balance giving him just enough so he's not pent up but not too much so that nothing will get through to him. He sleeps well, 12 hours a night yet still gets tired easily. He won't relax when he is tired which is what I think makes him worse, sitting down is just not in his nature.

Maybe I've just got to get used to being exhausted!

Story CDs (tapes in those days)saved me at that age.

"The owl who was afraid of the dark" was the favorite. We wore it out.

Somehow, listening to a story is much more restful and relaxing than watching TV or DVD.

After a morning of walking, climbing, swimming, running or whatever, a story CD after lunch is very calming.
Classical music is also very soothing. A friend who is a speech therapist suggested this for the mad half hour in the run up to tea time. It worked like magic.

I had the tiredness thing with my 4yr old - I gave him more iron enriched foods, vitamins and alpro 1 plus soya milk with added vits / iron. It has helped dramatically with his behaviour and tiredness levels - he seems to be more in line activity wise with his peers. It is draining and I got sick of excusing his behaviour constantly. I also had been consistent with discipline and boundaries.

Our boys sound exactly the same QT! He's also a big talker, I'm not even exaggerating that he doesn't go longer than 30 seconds without blabbering on. My head is done in by the end of the day!

Hmm hadn't thought about iron enriched foods. His diet isn't bad but could be better, he went through a stage of being very fussy but is gradually getting better. I think I will try some multi vitamins in the mean time and see if that helps him.
I don't think a story cd would work as there'd be nothing to keep his attention. He does like listening to me reading him stories though but will only entertain them for 10 minutes before running off.

It's just so hard to stay calm around him. I wish there was some sort of support group for parents of boisterous 4 year olds!