Childcare question

[rosepetalsoup]

I am in such a pickle over childcare I can't see the woods for the trees. We have a DD age 2 who has never been in childcare before. So far we've juggled it with freelance work but always had age 2 in mind for her to start nursery. We've got an offer of three full days at one, and I've also got an offer of childminder for three mornings a week (sharing with a friend).

I'm really not sure which to take up and feel so upset trying to decide. In my heart I really don't want her to go to either, but work is suffering. It's a kind of 'needs must' situation. When looking around the nursery my heart sank, as it has done when I've looked around other nurseries. They all seem a bit lacklustre to me, and potentially frightening to be left at that age. The childminder would be ok but also she's not super-amazing (despite being one of the best). I'm just very underwhelmed by the prospect and I suppose I just gave to try some of it and then see if it works for my DD.

Which do you think I should take?

Whoops, also should mention I'm pg again (very early days) and so am only looking at the prospect of a 7-month(ish) stop gap.

If it doesn't matter to you whether it's 3 full days or 3 mornings, I'd go for the childminder.

What was it that makes you think the childminder isn't super-amazing?

Personally I would go for the CM in your position. Nurseries are great and if your DD was nearer 3 then I'd probably say go for that, as she would be getting her free pre-school hours soon. But a CM can be a gentler approach to being cared for by someone else, and it may be a calmer environment.

Focus on the fact that as she gets older it is good for her to socialise with other people, adults and children. I'm not saying that by juggling childcare between you and your DH you're not socialising, but children do need to gradually learn to be in larger social settings so that they can gradually build towards that day they start school.

You might even find that if your DD likes the childminder, you might want to keep her own during maternity leave, so you have some time with your new baby and your DD has some time away from the baby?

No ones going to be as good as you at looking after your dd. but a childminder can give a more homely environment and more maternal care than a nursery.

I know it can work for some and is the only option for others but the thought of sending a child who's only 2yo to a nursery makes me uneasy.

I'd choose the childminder.

Only you know your DD and what she'll like best. I would probably say just the three mornings with the cm if you're really not keen, just because it's less time.

My ds however is smaller than your lo and he adores nursery. He only goes twice a week but he loves the playground stuff they have in their huge garden and the ball pit and he just thrives on having loads going on. Him going there means I don't have to take him to soft play and he and I can do quieter things together like looking at books. If he was with me all day every day I'd have to spend a lot of time at toddler groups to give him what he thrives on.

I used nursery for DS1 but it was an amazing nursery that I just loved immediately. If I wasn't sure about it I wouldn't have sent him at 2.

There is a massive bias on here towards childminders. The fact is you get some good childminders and some bad ones, same for nurseries. Some kids thrive with their CM, some do in nursery.

My dc have both been in nursery since they were under 1. The nursery is amazing with a fantastic key worker system and both dc have adored it. It's v open and easy to see a bunch of happy kids playing whenever I pickup. Their ofsted reads like it's made up its so good.

In comparison, even the "good cm" around here I see ignoring children in softplay far too often for my liking, or sat chatting to other cm rather than playing with the kids. Just my experience, I know friends with amazing CM.

In the end you have to go with gut feeling.

I would say though that a half day session will go very fast, by the time you've dropped off, come home and tidied the breakfast stuff, put a load of washing on and popped to the shop for essentials, you may find yourself v little work time. A full day can be shortened if you're having a quiet work day but if you're busy you can't have more time.

What ever you do don't stop it when dc2 comes along! Reduce perhaps but don't stop, it may be the only individual attention your dd gets for a while and it'll give you much needed time with dc2/catching up in sleep.

I agree that there is somewhat of a general bias against nurseries on MN. I do think that there are many many nurseries that are uninspiring and not as nurturing as they should be. The same is also true of childminders.

However there are some excellent nurseries out there. The one my DS goes to (since he was 11 months) is amazing - it is a wonderful environment for children and I never had any doubts about it from the second I walked through the door.

It sounds to me though that the nursery you saw didn't give you that kind of feeling. If you're not 100 percent happy with a childcare setting then I think you should listen to your instincts. But it also doesn't sound like the childminder is giving you the right vibes either!

Is there any option for you to investigate other nurseries or childminders? I appreciate that you might be short of time and this not be possible. You could choose the childminder for now, and then keep looking for either a childminder or nursery that you are more happy with.