Husband works away - finding it tough on my own with 9 month old

[Griffomais]

Anyone else in the same boat - I've got very limited support/help while my husband is away (he's away 2-3 weeks at a time) It's generally when my daughters teething, having a growth spurt that I find it hard. Is it just me or are others feeling the same? Feel like the worlds worst mother tonight :0((

Sorry you're feeling bad tonight Griffo

Dh was working away from when I was 8 months pregnant with ds2 until he was 9 months old (he did come back for the birth!). He wasn't away for weeks on end though, but every Sunday afternoon to Friday night. It was hard at the time but we're 4 years on now and I don't remember it that way.

Have you got any friends or family nearby to help you share the load? The bugger about the holidays is that baby groups and all that schizzle seem to grind to a halt, which is a pain. Libraries might still be doing rhyme times and stuff though.

The highlight of my week though when ds2 was teeny was taking him to the local church on a Thursday - they have a service for the elderly of the parish followed by lunch. My own folks live a couple of hundred miles away so it was great to have a bunch of surrogate grandparents for him! They used to pass him round for cuddles and it was the only day of the week I was guaranteed both a hot meal and a hot cup of tea

I wish I found service like that when I was at home with my kids!

Being parent and alone is very, very tiring.
You simply can't switch off

Thanks for the replies - I'm probably just being silly and complaining when I should be just getting on with things. My parents are a couple of hours drive from me but they visit when they can, my in laws are very close by but are a heavy support to my sister in law so we don't get much help. I do try my best but some days like today I feel defeated. Thanks again for listening.

You're not silly to find it tough
I used to practically fling DD at DH when he came in, so I could have a break. And I've been on my own with her for long stretches too (months). 2- 3 weeks on your own is bloody ages and it's hard hard hard not to have anyone to share the load.

Do you have friends you can see, can you arrange a babysitter or daytime childcare if you are a SAHP, so that you can go out without her? so important.

I'm on the other side as I work away and my bf is Home with our son. My OH hates socialising (plus we live I a very small village) but his coping strategies have been,
Phoning me to generally get moral support and advice (doesn't matter if I don't know he is kust bouncing ideas really)
Getting the baby into a routine
Prepare all bottles and meals (for both of them on the evening straight after putting the baby down) so there is no panic / stress during the day
Accept he ds will cry, if you are fixing the problem (gettingthe bottle etc) it's ok to leave him crying
Plan little things to break the day esp good when ds is moody - surprise toys (kept out of Site in a toy box), swing, paddling pool (although he prefers the dogs water bowl), park, trips to family if really desperate for a break etc
Limit all housework - ds is mostly just in a nappy or naked in the garden!
Using ear defenders during nappy changes (ds shouts through everyone)
Using naps time to have a break if he news it - coffee and a magazine in peace does wonders even for 20min.
And lastly he set himself a project for during his time off - obv nothing too big but seeing the progress week by week does seem to have really helped him through those boring points when ds is playing etc and doesn't need you but you can't really go anywhere either.

I'm sure your a great mum btw and hope you find your own strategies to get you through.

I really feel for you. DH is in an international role and is away 3-4 weeks at a time regularly.

I have a 5 month old and a 2.8 year old and family live 100's miles away.

It is hard. Things that help me:

• I make a chart with my toddler so she can tick off the days and we write up all the nice things we are going to do each day. Obviously this is for her benefit but since we've started doing it I've found it helpful for me too.

• I take them away to my parents or in laws to break up the time he is away.

• I cook for a couple of days at a time to help with the 'I'm going to collapse if I have to cook' moments once they are finally both in bed.

• I get some early nights in as a treat to myself.

• Since DS has arrived I am more honest with friends and send out a group message asking if anyone is at a loose end at the weekend and would like to do something. More often than not someone is free. Wish I'd find this when DD was younger too.

Be grateful he is coming home

grobags things could always be worse, for all of us. That doesn't mean that people aren't allowed to find their less than catastrophic lives difficult.

DH missed the first words of DS1, which were actually dada (I always talked about DH with him). He watched DD1's first steps across Skype but I wish he could have been there in person. He's missed anniversaries, the kids first couple of birthdays and other important events. When DS1 was about five and DD1 was about three, he started to stay at home more, but now after DD2 and DS2 are four, he has gone away again for three weeks. It's hard but it comes and goes in phases.

Grobagsforever - If you don't have anything nice to say please do not reply. This site is a place people can go to discuss and seek help/advice. How dare you make a judgement on me. Clearly you have issues of your own which are not my fault.

This remind me why I stopped posted on here - the majority of people are very nice and friendly but you come across people occasionally that are just nasty.

Thanks to everyone else your comments have helped me - just been having a little blip.

Grobags that was a nasty & totally unnecessary comment.

When DH is away I do all sorts of things we don't do when he is here.

The DCs often sleep in my bed for example, we have more convenience food and I buy a small treat of some sort for once the DC are in bed, a cheap DVD or book, nice snacks etc. I have a stack of DVD that are my taste and not his!

We get out everyday if we can but often have guilt free days in front of the TV, no questions asked.

DH has been going away monthly since DC1 was born, when they were little I did the minimum of housework and washing etc, just concentrated on us all being fed and alive at the end of the day.

Now they are older it's much easier and tbh I do enjoy being able to starfish in our bed, to watch what I like, to go to bed when I want etc. We all miss him and it's lovely to have him back though!

My dh worked away all week for years when my dd's were young and I was a sahm.

Most of the time was okay but there would be times when I didn't speak to an adult all week. I didn't help myself because I didn't go to play groups or the like. I had a serious non sleeper, so was sleep deprived myself.

My dh, to be fair to him, used to take the girls off on a Saturday so I could have a few hours to galvanize myself for the next week.

So yes, it is hard but it does get easier as they get older.

How are you doing today Griffo?

Hi thanks for the comments - I'm feeling a bit better , have spent the last 3 days at my parents house so have had time to recharge my batteries and had help through the teething misery. Poor DD seems to be struggling with her top teeth. DH due home on Thursday will be so happy to see him - have missed him so much. Looking forward to some family time. Thanks again this has been a life line when I was feeling very low.x

Teething: anbesol liquid. Suitable for babies and adults, it's a small bottle of liquid sold in pharmacies. About £5 but lasts for months and WORKS. Gives several hours of pain relief.

Thanks Rootypig I got some this morning from the pharmacy so I'll give it a go. Even got it on minor ailments so didn't gave to pay for it. Thanks again for your advice :0)