Seeking advice from bilingual parents...

[Aditya4]

I am looking for advice and experiences with regards to bringing up bilingual children. In particular, are there any bilingual mums out there raising second generation bilingual children willing to share their strategies?

I am lucky to be bilingual in French (maternal language) and English (paternal language), although having lived in England for as long as I can remember, I feel that English is my stronger language. My partner is English, although has studied French to degree level at University. We speak English to each other and he has always been reluctant to speak French to me. I am wondering what sort of strategy might suit any children we might have in the future to help them become bilingual.

I was brought up in a strictly OPOL environment, which made sense for my parents, as French is my mother's native language whereas English is my father's native language. I am concerned that this would not work for me, as English does come more naturally to me than French (as much as I hate to admit it - wouldn't it be wonderful to be completely at ease in both languages?). I worry that always speaking to my child in French might make it more difficult to communicate and affect our relationship. I have also heard of the 'minority language at home' strategy but am worried this would work for us considering that my partner is uncomfortable speaking French to me.

I am very keen to ensure any children I have are fluent in both languages so would appreciate any experiences I could draw on! I cannot find many accounts of this sort of situation on the web (perhaps I am searching for the wrong things!) and thought I would give Mumsnet a go - the previous posts on bilingualism received very friendly and helpful comments!

(Thanks for reading a rather long post if you got this far! :) )

Hi
I only have experience of a multi-lingual family. Mum speaks Japanese, Dad was German and they also speak English.

When the children were young, the parents each spoke their own language to the children if they were with them alone, but spoke English when the family was together. Those girls are now fluent in 3 languages and from quite a young age could swap in and out of all of them! Very impressive to witness.

I am English. DH is bilingual French/English, raised in England by a French mother and English father. French was his mother tongue (his mum was a SAHM) until school. before we had DC he would say he was more comfortable in English than French. we only spoke English to each other (I am depressingly mono-lingual!). DH only spoke French to his mother and other family in france.

we have 3 DC (4yo and 2yoDTs). DH has only ever spoken to them in French and whilst DS1's English is stronger than his French, he understands everything DH says, he just replies in English if he doesn't know the French words for what he wants to say. It has been hard for DH to remember to be disciplined about it, I have to keep reminding him to not accept English answers from the DC when we know they have the right words in French.

After 4 years now of using his French everyday DH is much much more comfortable with it - remember that as babies you aren't discussing the state of the universe or anything, if your French is rusty it wont matter as you will mostly be saying things like 'cows say moo' or 'eat your breakfast' etc. and you will find the more you use it the easier it becomes and will reawaken your French knowledge.

at the beginning of the summer I was worried DS1's French was falling behind his English so now DH never accepts and English answer ("en français pour papa" being the most said phrase by me at the moment!!). we have taught DS the phrase 'how do I say
[English word/sentence] in French?' so he can ask his father for help. DH also speaks in French to me as much as possible when the DC are in earshot so the DC don't hear much English from him. this has been particularly good at mealtimes. my French understanding is a bit dodgy so we have a lot of conversations along the following lines:
DH asks a question in French
I as 'did you just as me to xxx?
DH says yes or no
and then I can answer/action as required.
It's a bit longwinded but the improvement in DS1 has been amazing. he does now reply in French rather than English about 70% of the time to DH.

wow, I've waffled on! oops! so basically I would say definitely go for it and no, it has in no way effected DH's relationship with the DC! plus if your DP understands French it will make it much easier for you to make sure your DC only hear you speak French in the home - even if your DH replies to you in English.

good luck, hope that all helped!!

Thanks Vintage47, sounds like a good strategy. :)

QueenofKelsingra thank you for taking the time to write so much to me. It is really reassuring to hear of a (very!) similar situation and to know that it is working out. I am certainly capable of saying "Hurry up and put your shoes on" etc. so I think I definitely need to stop worrying about whether the standard of my French will affect a mother-child relationship, I suppose my French will improve further the more I use it. It's helpful to know how you and DH communicate too, I might start trying to speak to DP in French from now on to get used to it! Thanks again, and all the best to you and your family. Being bilingual is great and certainly worth the effort!