Under-two's: how hard do you try with them to eat food?

[ZebraZeebra]

DS is 21 months. Generally eats pretty well and has a varied diet. I get a lot of veg in him via stealth methods but every dinner has a side of a frozen veg medley mix type thing. Tonight's dinner is some roast chicken, mash and veg mix. He's just eaten the chicken. I'm 10 weeks pregnant and suffering really badly from morning sickness, struggling to get my own dinner down.

I feel bad but I'm not trying too hard to get him to eat. He's eaten pretty well today and normally loves mash so maybe he's just not that hungry but generally - how relaxed/strict are you about food consumption at this age? Do you keep trying/offering for ages or do you offer the food a few times and leave them to it? I'm sure I read on Baby Centre that at this age, if they've not eaten much more within 30 minutes, they're not likely to, and to stop trying. He's very healthy, active, happy and chunky in a lovely way. But still...I feel bad for not trying harder.

I just put the plate in front of my ds (25 months) and leave him to it. If he clears his plate I offer him more. If he doesn't eat everything then that's fine, but I don't give him anything else. I give pudding either way if I've planned a pudding.

In your DS's case I would just assume that he doesn't fancy the veg today and not worry about it. I wouldn't interpret it as a refusal.

My approach matches Culture's.

I try not to push it too much. Some days they will be hungry, other days they won't. It helps to step back and look at how much, and what, they've eaten that day, and that week.

I also found that at around 2 DD's appetite went down a bit, as the big toddler growth spurt was over.

Nowadays (DD is a few months older) I ask her to at least try some of everything. If she has eaten most of her meal well, just not much veg, then I'll ask her to eat a mouthful or two of veg before having some dessert. Normally this works, but if not then I make a decision on whether or not she can have pudding.

Food is so hard and it's easy to get stressed about it but the key thing is to try and relax and not make it a battle ground. If you start seeing a pattern over a few weeks that his diet is restricting then that would be worth tackling, but the odd bad day in a generally good eater isn't a real deal. Doesn't everyone have bad days?

I do find though that DD tends to be up for a snack around bathtime, and can sneak peas and sweetcorn or mixed veg into her then. She likes dunking them in the bath water first, which is slightly less good, but at least I can sneak in a few more veg there.

I stick the plate in front of dd (23mo) and leave her get on with it. Very occasionally if it's something new it's met with tears and I either encourage or do something else very plain.

She always has either fruit or yogurt for desert regardless of what she's eaten.

She also has a fruit smoothie and crackers before bed as she has a metabolism like her dad, she eats decently but often!

I think lately it hasn't been fantastic just because I've been so ill - dizziness and sickness around dinner time and I've capitulated a lot. If I've made a curry or chilli, he'll eat a lot of veg. But Ive been so sick I've struggled to make this things - retching while cooking is not fun! So I've been putting a lot of frozen veg mix on the side of the plate - I think also it's good for them to recognise and try veg for its sake then just hidden in stuff all the time. But he doesn't really eat it like that. So in the last couple of months while I've had such awful MS it's not been great.

Since weaning he's had a very varied diet and I'm hoping MS will pass in the next couple of weeks, and I can cook normally again. DH is neve home for dinner time so I can't escape to another room and be sick quietly!

I say morning sickness...it's really all day, all evening sickness. Food has been...challenging.

Don't worry about your approach, seems pretty good to me

I read somewhere if you can get them to try one bite of each thing you've won the war and leave it at that.

I really wouldn't worry - just do whatever you can while you feel so awful. I was sick as a dog for 16 weeks (sorry) with dd but luckily dh took over the cooking. Can your dh batch cook at weekends so you only have to heat up? M&S also do great toddler meals, seriously.

As for my general approach with ds, 2.11, he's always been a mouse appetite child so we just leave it up to him what he wants to eat from his plate. Some days he's obviously on a protein drive, others it's fruit and veg, so we trust him to know what he needs - though he always 'needs' sugary crap so we don't trust him that far!

Hope you feel better soon. I never want to feel like that again, it was unimaginably awful.

Dd is 18 months and generally eats her main meals quite well, I tend to do carrot and parsnips with meat or frozen peas and sweetcorn if she's having fish. She isn't so keen on sandwiches or fruit but if she doesn't eat a lot I don't really worry about it, I also never make her an alternative. If she hasn't eaten her tea very well I'll usually give her some weetabix or shreddies for supper. Hope you're feeling better soon op

Thanks everyone, so reassuring! I know what you mean Misty about somehow they always need the crap

I think that 2 is the low point for eating. They get worse from 18 months then start gradually getting better again.

It sounds fine tbh my 2 always ate fruit so I was never that stressed about veg. frozen peas and sweetcorn (bleugh) generally went down.

At 5 dd1 is a champion veg eater . In fact she likes cabbage so much she eats it first

I try and look at the whole days eating, rather than focussing on getting them to eat at mealtimes, if they don't eat their dinner, it'll be because they ate lots at lunch or have been grazing throughout the day.

I'd never force them to eat if they didn't want to, or finish their plates. We both like mealtimes to be as stress free as possible!