Explaining Robin William�s death to kids

[Highway65]

My eldest (9) is very curious about how Robin Williams died. Partly because its the first famous person that he knows that has died and partly because it is getting so much news coverage.
One of his favourite films is Jumangi. I can understand why he wants to know what has happened. So far I have managed to avoid saying suicide etc. But after seeing the news this morning, he has told me that Robin Williams was hanged. Not that he hung himself. So maybe he thinks someone else did it to him?
Have any of you had to explain to your children about suicide because of whats happened? Im not really very sure how to approach it.

Sorry about the little questions marks. Not sure why they are there

CBBC Newsround is usually a good place to look at how news stories can be handled for younger audiences.

They don't have an article Robin Williams on the website at the moment.

But it might help to look at how they covered Mark Speight's suicide

Ds is only 4 so he hasn't noticed anything but if he were 9 I would say something like "Sometimes people kill themselves because they feel so very sad that they don't think they are able to carry on living anymore."

I'd also want to discuss the severity of the "sadness" felt by these people to make them understand how depressed someone has to be in order to do this. I wouldn't want them thinking it was easy or the right thing to do iykwim? I'd want them to know they can and should talk to me (especially with the angsty teen years approaching).

It's a tough one, especially because my introduction to suicide involved talk about how it used to be illegal and the heaven/hell implications (catholic family) which I probably wouldn't go into myself when I have to explain it.

My mum also attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child/young teen so I kind of had to feel my own way around the subject.

I'd be interested to see how other people would approach it.

Yes I explained to DS1 (10) and DD1 (7) because both were really curious and I believe they can handle what I'm telling them. I told them that he was very sad with his life and this was called depression (DS clocked this as he knows that DH's brother had depression). I said that he had been drinking a lot of alcohol and taking a lot of medicine that is bad for you in big amounts (wasn't going to go into full detail of drugs with DD but DS has learnt about them at school). He was so sad with his life and the alcohol and medicines were making it worse so he killed himself. DS asked if he'd strangled himself with some rope and I said yes he had. DD asked if lots of people kill themselves and I said no, only sometimes when they have nothing else. I think they understand roughly and I will probably explain in more detail in a few years.

I looked up the Newsround link. I think as well as other things, I will say that it is getting a lot of news coverage because it is very rare for things like this to happen.

Although I am realising myself that it happens more and more

I'm note sure whther to go into the addiction side of things. Unless he asks.

Very tricky!

I started a similar thread in chat. My child is in the same age bracket and I felt it better to tell him that he killed himself. I thought he would hear it soon enough anyway and I didn't want it to seem as if I had hidden the fact as if it was a bad thing if you see what I mean? Obviously it IS a bad thing but I didn't want to stigmatise it. I tend to react badly when my child says things like "I'd kill myself" (usually about something embarrassing). I hate the words but I know he's read them in books like Harry Potter and that it's now in the pre-teen lexicon - just words.

EdithWeston good point about the Mark Speight coverage on Newsround. They were very circumspect by just saying that no one "else" killed him. Very, very carefully worded as you'd expect.

I wouldn't use "sad with his life" to explain depression - it's the wrong way round, and may worry children if they're sad about something themselves.

Start with "it's an illness". And the illness causes a lot of pain and makes people sad much of the time.

I know that books aren't always the answer, but there's Michael Rosen's Sad book, and this one
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1845295897/?tag=googhydr-21&hvadid=23262914089&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10165951766319664008&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_5x2sids8h7_b
that are both well written and clear.

Pausing I'm glad you wrote that, because it's something I may have overlooked. Plus saying that he was ill gives a reason why it happened, I think?

I am imagining they question "why?" will be used a lot.

I've explained it to my children as he had an illness which meant he was in a lot of pain and sometimes when you're in a lot of pain and you're very sad, like he was, you want to kill yourself. I haven't really talked about addiction (my brother is in inpatient detox right now, thanks to heroin) though.

I told DD he had a horrible illness in his head that made him feel very sad all the time. Sometimes people have treatment for that illness and it works but sometimes the treatment doesn't work and then people feel that they would rather be dead than carry on. I emphasised the illness element and the fact that it's like an external cause rather than sometime you've done willingly iyswim.

I remember when I was a child my mum explaining to me that our neighbour - who was our friend - had died and that it was suicide. I was simply just baffled - at that age I had no idea that that was a thing that could happen. it made no sense. So on one level I don't worry about telling the DCs - it makes no sense to them so they don't really process it until they are ready. I feel very lucky that that conversation with my mum, four decades ago, is the nearest I have ever come to suicide affecting my life.

And the alcohol and drugs were his attempts at treating the illness, on top of the doctors' attempts to treat it, but probably made things worse in the long run.

I think being clear that it's an illness also opens the door for them later on, if they're unlucky enough to have depression, to go to a doctor.