2.5 year age gap - very nervous

[milkyman]

just found out i am pregnant. found the 1st year really hard and just felt life had got back to a bit of normality. has fertility treatment first time round so never expected this really ! there will be a 2.5 age gap and im nearly 40. how did people find it?

I have a 2 1/2 year age gap between DS1 and DS2 and it's great - admittedly at the beginning it was hard dealing with regression, DS1 went back to bottles and couldn't articulate his feelings which was pretty frustrating - reassurance, reassurance, reassurance, I can't stress it enough!

DS1 has never showed signs of jealousy though, and I would make sure to nurse as much as possible during the day so when DS1 came back from pre-school I could spend time with him and try and keep his routine as steady as possible - now DS2 is nearing 5 months, it's lovely watching the bond starting to grow. If he cries, DS1 will immediately go and get his toy giraffe and put it on his lap, and DS2 just grins his gummy smile whenever he sees DS1.

I'm hoping they have a wonderfully close relationship as they get older and will foster it as much as I can!

My DC have a 2.5 year age gap and I have found it absolutely fine. They get on fairly well, other than the usual sibling rivalry, and are close enough in age to enjoy doing the same things.

When DD was born, DS was established in 2 mornings a week at pre-school, which gave us all a bit of time apart, and together. But at least you don't have the pressure of the school run to contend with!

You will never get a perfect age gap, and it really depends on the individual children, but for us 2.5 years works well.

Congratulations....what a lovely surprise!!

I found 2.5 years difficult but I think it depends on your child and you. I was stressed and tired and DD1 suddenly became very challenging and regressed with potty training and sleep.

The other thing I found difficult was DD1 running away and having to abandon the baby to chase after her. I feel like we had to do some work later to repair our relationship.

We also have a 2yrs 5months ago gap. It's fine but then even if it's not you/we won't know any different
I got DD1 as sorted as possible in advance. She started a preschool/playgroup 2 months before so it didn't happen after the newbie arrived. Potty trained at 2yrs 4months (thankfully no regressions). Also moved her from the nursery into a big girls room and bed before the baby arrived (despite baby being in with us for months I still wanted it all very clear cut).

Good luck, it will all be fine and on the days when you doubt it just repeat my mantra... millions and millions of families have done it before me.

By the way I meant to add. DD1 was IVF, DD2 natural I fell pregnant the first month of "let's see if it will happen" that was a big shock. And by the time she arrived I was 40. Are you me or am I you???

Aww OP, so delighted for you, congratulations! Even if you've been trying it still comes as an "oh shit" moment when number 2 is on the way - was for me. DS was 2.10 when dd arrived and I was 37.

It's hard work, but for me not even close to as hard as going from 0-1 dc. DD just fits in. And it is just amazingly lovely watching them together. DS adores DD and aside from food sharing (!) it's mutual. DD is 15m but they'll play a bit together and watching them giggle in the back of the car is priceless.

It does change the dynamic, but mostly in a good way.

The first 6m with DS were incredibly difficult. He woke every 45 mins for nearly 5m. Bf well but v v frequently. Probably had reflux. Was a fairly classic high needs baby. DD has been relatively easy, but I've also stopped trying to do it "right", so I coslept til 8m from the start and did a lot of baby wearing.

I have to say the experience of having DD has been quite cathartic in that I knew what I was doing and felt it loads easier to just enjoy it. That green poo, the growth spurts, the crying at 2am, they don't phase you because you've been there and done that.

So, many congratulations again OP. It's a real adventure and privilege to have 2 little ones. It's hard work but it's bloody wonderful.