Is this all perfectly normal??

[confusedconfused]

Yesterday, my ds once again was caught showing his bits to his sister. He has done this before to his cousin and also with one of my dd's friends. Although it now seems that my dd's friend was quite involved.

My son has a scar at the top of his bum cheek and my dd told me yesterday that her friend, "snogged" his scar. Ds denied it at first but later admitted that it did happen.

I'm worried that maybe this is more than innocent fun and that I should be doing something about it. Also I don't know whether to tell my friend or not. She knew that something had happened, as she caught them, but I'm sure she isn't aware of how far it went.

I feel upset and confused about this and don't really know how to handle it. I was sexually abused as a child and I'm really conscious that I could be totally overreacting but I'm just not sure how appropriate this is, and how I can not feel crap about it.

Ds is 6 btw.

I'm sure this is not very riveting to anyone other than me, but someone must have an opinion. Pleaseeeee

My DS would wap his willy out at any opportunity. He & his sister take great delight in pulling down their pjs & sticking out their "bum holes", as they so delightfully refer to them! Even better if they can force a fart to come out.
Sounds to me like your DS is pretty normal. Probably just worth a reminder that willies & bums are private & its not a good idea to be waggling them about in public places or with friends - just in case someone didn't like it or got upset (that kind of thing - nothing heavy).

frogs has a really good phrase for this kind of thing here

when I was a child a boy neighbour about 6 used to do a willie dance for the girls but I always missed it to my annoyance at the time. Another boy neighbour used to pay 2p to my sister if she would let him see her do a wee. We were all just curious and totally innocent. Nowadays if my kids are up to any of that I'll be trying to put a stop to it as the mother. I would try and make little fuss and treat it as if they were
picking flowers from peoples gardens or picking up sweets from the ground.

Thanks for replying. Do you all think I'm taking this too seriously then? I was worried that I was, but I just don't seem to be able to be sensible about this. I'm starting to think that my ds is being "pervy", sorry that is a crappy word to use, but I hope you know what I mean. I know he isn't, but I just can't get my head around it.

you are bound to have a different view given your own past experience. However, I think you don't need to worry about your DS at the moment - he is doing what kids do.

Just do as the others suggested.

I can understand your anxiety but he is definitely not pervy CC. Not at all. He is just a little boy being a bit silly.
Don't make too much of it.

Agree with the others - all very normal, if rather annoying. Use Frogs' mantra, confused - it does work. I think given your past experiences you are quite understandably concerned about this, but try not to be.
A bit of closer supervision until the message sinks in and they can be trusted, might be required.

Thank you, you have made me feel better. I know I'm over reacting, but I think I just needed someone to reassure me that everything is ok.

Sorry about the name change, I feel like I've gone a bit mad recently, everything is out of control.

Message withdrawn

hiya,

i wouldnt worry,

i remember 'experimenting' with a female friend - i mustve been about the same age as your son, its just him becoming aware of his body and maybe of girls.

hes probably not aware its sexual at all or inapropriate its just another fun thing to do thats naughty - sot in the sense adults may think though.

this is quite embarressing but me and my friend used to paly 'boyfriend and girlfriend' (were both girls - lol) and we used to pretend we were going out - hold hands, and wed pretend to be boys and wee, i think we may've even kissed.

its just that children get this feelings and see 'kissingand unfortunatly sometimes, sex' on TV but dont know how to handle it - theyre not going to ignore it, a childs instinct is to copy, thats how they learn everything else.

perhaps just explain to him that 'his bits are only for him and kissing is for grown ups'

My ds also has a fascination with his wink, he likes to get it out and chase my dd around the house! He also sits and holds it at every available opportunity (his dad is just as bad!) Don't think you should worry, it is normal. My dd has also played "snogging" games in the past at school of all places, the teacher and parents concerened had to carefully explain it wasn't appropriate behaviour and it seems it was all just a phase. Do try not to worry.

i remember when i was a child being undressed by older children out in the lane (well I was about 4 and they can't have been more than about 6 or 7.) I didn't want to but they were bigger than me. My mother found me naked in the lane and beat the crap out of me- talk about unjust! Anyway I think you only need to worry if he's forcing his attentions on unwilling children, and even then it's very unlikely that it's unusual behaviour, he just needs to be reminded that it's not appropriate.

Confused - I think at the age of 6 its all very innocent and probably said to provoke a bit of attention. If he seems at all unhappy about it, I'd question further or perhaps if there were older children involved. If its younger, its just innocent fun. When I was at primary school we used to show each oher our bits in the playground, as in ! I'll show you mine if you show me yours" - I was about eight and it was all curiousity.

My two (DS 6 and DD 4) are always wiggling their bits at eachother. i truly think at this age it's just innocent and they think it's funny!