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Parenting

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Original poster

do you throw away birthday presents you deem unsuitable?

28 replies

geekgrrl · 18/09/2006 10:04

I mentioned on the Bratz thread that I bin Bratz pressies - some people expressed shock that I would do that.

Have now thought about it - I've also binned some other stuff actually, a make-up set and felt-tips (lids are always left off, and she draws on clothes with them). (dd1 does not look after her stuff at all so this has gone mostly unnoticed)
I would also merrily toss out tarty clothing.

She still gets lots of tat that I don't throw out though. It's just the tarty stuff that isn't allowed to stay.

Surely I'm not alone with this?

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moondog · 18/09/2006 10:07

I try not to bin anything,but here it is a moral dilemma.

Save them and give them to charity.

I do bin crap given to kids though. Stuff like Haribos and lollipops.I can't bring myself to give them away.I dont want my children to have them so wouldn'tfeel at ease passing them on.

Moomin · 18/09/2006 10:07

agree that some presents are unsuitable but wouldnt throw them away - donate to charity shops or even [eeekkk] 'recycle' and give to other kids (older ones if present is unsuitabke due to age - Unless of course it was a Bratz doll then I wouldn't want anyone to think I thought that was ok !!) I throw plastic tat from party bags in bin though - does this count?

moondog · 18/09/2006 10:08

Re not looking after stuff,I think this is a sign of having too much stuff.

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anniediv · 18/09/2006 10:08

I would either take back to the shop and exchange for something more appropriate, or take to a charity shop, I wouldn't just throw away. I haven't ever been in this situation though.

cupcakes · 18/09/2006 10:09

I give unwanted presents to charity or pta raffles.

Podmog · 18/09/2006 10:09

Message withdrawn

Marina · 18/09/2006 10:10

Dd is three and I might quietly give away age-inappropriate stuff as you say, make-up and probably Bratz too, if the situation arose. The only present I have definitely suppressed has been a set of felt-tips that were clearly labelled as non-washable!
But I'm not sure I'd do that for an older child tbh, once they were able to remember what they had been given etc.
And no matter what I thought of it , I would never give away a present from a close friend or family member because of the possible repercussions. I am talking more about the gifts that get exchanged at birthday parties with little classmates etc.

Original poster

geekgrrl · 18/09/2006 10:11

agree moondog, far too much stuff. I seem to be culling constantly. She gets mountains of stuff from party guests for her birthday.
Can't take it back to the shop because most of it is bought in a shop on the US military base nearby.

OP posts:

hulababy · 18/09/2006 10:13

I would never thrown gifts away. Would seem very wasteful to start with.

If it was unsuitable for some reason, I'd rather donate to a charity shop, etc.

If 4yo DD got a Bratz doll? Well, I don't like them much but no, I wouldn't remove it from her and throw it away. She'd keep it, but I wouldn't add to the collection.

Moomin · 18/09/2006 10:13

IT's difficult isn't it. I started a thread about the presents dd1 got last week for her 5th b'day. there are at least 3 that obviously cost good money but are just simply unsuitable. I could either save them til she's older (by which time she'll probably get even more given to her) or give away/to charity. Daren't give them to pta incase other parents recognise them!
Was going to take one gift back to Boots (teenage-type make-up case and make-up but dd2 has just knocked it off the table onto the floor and broken the catch! grrrrrr)

pointydog · 18/09/2006 10:13

If it was something the kids didn't want, it would be charity shop, school fairs, brownie fairs, etc.

Clary · 18/09/2006 10:15

I sell on (at car boots) things that are not suitable or we have too many of (eg crappy colouring sets - you only need good colours IMHO).

I also recycle prezzies we have dobles of or just too many.

Haven't had that many things I would deem unsuitable as such, tho someone gave DD a hair braider (!?) for her 5th b/day. Not quite sure what to do with that.

I would sell on Bratz dolls tbh. Or maybe give them to other girls but I'm not sure I feel as strongly as you geekgrrl. Tarty clothing yes I would probably send to charity shop. Never had any tho thank goodness. Like moondog I bin Haribo and similar out of party bags.
Yeah Marina, I am talking about party pressies etc. Always make a point of wearing clothes from rellies when we go to see them.

maggiesmama · 18/09/2006 10:18

yep. my dd (3) was given make up and stuff and i wasnt quick enough to get rid of it. very very annoying

but also tricky, right? how do you reconcile different ways of parenting between friends?

my dd loves dressing up in my bags and shoes and smears paint all over and so on. but i think its entirely another thing. and i dress her in fairly park-ready clothes - baggy jeans and so on - quite alot... but when friends (who had boys the same age as my dd) have since had girls, and dress them in fluffy furry pink stuff, they have ALL seen fit to comment on my dd's lack of frou-frou stuff. obviously its up to them how they dress their kids - i dont dress her up like a doll because, er, she isnt a doll and i would prefer her to get messy. and another friend said recently, as she watched my dd tuck into a plate of trees (broc) and a spinach and toasted seed salad - "oh poor you, dont worry, when you come and stay with auntie jojo, i'll take you for a nice mcdonalds". how does one make these differences not become an issue?

noonar · 18/09/2006 10:19

charity shop- unless given by someone who's likely to visit us and might wonder where the gift had gone! IE, everything given by MIL! ( why oh why does she have to buy cheap plastic toys and badly written books?!) stuff from her we give a 'shelf life' of a couple of months and then its charity shop fodder.

Enid · 18/09/2006 10:21

dd1 and 2 have minds like steel traps when it comes to presents

if I EVER try and chuck something away you can be sure they will be looking desperately for it two hours later 'mummy have you seen that lovely beautiful tiny broken pig from my farm?'

tamum · 18/09/2006 10:23

Mine are like that too Enid. I would never throw anything away. Something wildly unsuitable (make-up) might get spirited away to a charity shop after a few weeks, but I would feel very ungrateful while I was doing it. I don't like Bratz dolls personally but I don't see them doing dd any real harm- it's not as though she wants to dress like a tramp herself.

Clary · 18/09/2006 10:49

actually I did chuck away a load of tiny bottles of bubble bath and body lotion (for a 5yo???) she was given (notice it's all DDs here!).
But if I had got to it before she did it would've been a raffle prize I think.

marialuisa · 18/09/2006 13:53

I tend to take unsuitable presents back to the toy shop, I've never had a problem getting an exchange. DD does remember the presenst she's given but can be distracted.

Bratz are not allowed and she accepts this fine. she's not into Barbie either and I would probably swap Barbie-related presents as they just wouldn't get used. The only problem we've had was when a well-meaning friend of ours presented her with a bratz genie and she immediately started to say "I'm not actually allowed Bratz stuff" whilst DH and I gesticulated wildly that she should just say "thank you" and we'd sort it later. I was quite surprised by the friend as she'd hit the roof if anyone gave her DS a toy gun.

pointydog · 18/09/2006 14:08

My dds have never asked for bratz but I'm aware of seeing them on shop shelves. So what's the objection? Are we talking overly made-up under-achiever image or is there something I'm missing?

Moomin · 18/09/2006 20:27

pointydog - look at other thread about Bratz, plenty of reasons for and against there

morningpaper · 18/09/2006 20:34

Maggiesmama: "i dont dress her up like a doll because, er, she isnt a doll"

Maggismama you are lucky that you have ANY CHOICE about what your three-year-old wears. Mine goes out every day in ridiculous chiffon and silk frocks. I have now bought her a whole wardrobe of ex-bridesmaid dresses from Ebay so she has a selection.

Seeing as my personal style is builder's-mate dykey, it's rather embarassing to say the least. But if it's pink and fluffy then she wants to wear it with her whole heart and it makes her wildly happy all day.

Re. Bratz stuff, she knows she isn't allowed it but if she was given it I would let her have it, and I know she would REALLY love it.

pointydog · 18/09/2006 20:39

Thanks moomin - I had a look.

Thomcat · 18/09/2006 20:40

Presents i don't like, don't want her to have etc I keep in the loft and save them for other kids birthdays.

Gobbledigook · 18/09/2006 20:43

Not had anything I've had to bin tbh, but yes, I would if I really thought it was inappropriate. I think this happens more often with girls though and I have boys. I suppose boys could get guns and things, but it seems an issue that girls get gifts such as make up etc when they are far too young.

I don't think you're wrong at all - I'd do the same. You're the parent, you decide.

Tbh, I'm more shocked that other parents don't seem to think and go ahead and give inappropriate gifts. Even if you allow your dd to have certain things, wouldn't you err on the side of caution when buying a gift and get something more 'neutral'?!

This is why I often go for arty crafty type gifts because they are more universal.

WestCountryLass · 18/09/2006 20:44

I haven't actually thrown stuff away but I have given it to other people (not as a present but jsut because I know they might like it) or I give it to charity. Would think it quite wasteful to throw away something when someone else would like it.

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