Refuse to give milk at night - 1 year old?

[AllTheUsernamesAreTaken]

DS is almost 1 year old. He goes to sleep at 7pm and generally gets up anywhere from 6am to 7.30am. He is still waking at night - we have always given him milk when he wakes.

He eats really well during the day, loves his food and eats plenty of it. When he has been at nursery, he has 2 x weetabix for breakfast, a snack mid morning, a cooked meal at lunch, sandwiches/crackers/beans on toast type thing at 3pm and then when he gets home, I also give him some supper - something like a banana or cheese and crackers or yoghurt.

People have suggested to us that we should refuse to give him milk at night because he doesn't need it when he is eating so well, it is just habit to wake up for milk. They've said just to offer water and be firm about it. The thing is, he doesn't want up at any set time for milk, sometimes it is just once, sometimes twice.

Last night, after 3 meals during the day, he had 210ml milk at bedtime (7pm), 180ml at 9pm, 150ml at 1am and then woke for the morning at 6.30am when he had 150ml!

I don't think he can be hungry but I know that if we refuse him milk he is going to scream the house down. I know people say it is short term pain for long term gain, in that he will then sleep through, but what if he really is hungry??? How do I know whether he is waking for milk because he is hungry or just because it is habit?

I don't know what to do! Any advice?

You can if you want dilute the milk this method will take longer than just cutting it out. Say he's having 8oz at each night feed do 6oz milk mixed with 2oz water and then every week reduce milk and up water. Is he using the bottle as a comforter to get back to sleep? If so can you switch to a dummy?

You could reduce by an ounce every two days. This will give him a chance to adjust to the fact that nighttime is not for eating and that he needs to eat enough during the day so he doesn't need anything at night.

We've recently night weaned DS and the arguments for, eg, he doesn't really need the calories to get him through the night, we're encouraging night waking by feeding, it isn't good for dental health etc. won out. We went cold turkey and offer water when he wakes. It's actually been an easier transition than I feared.

Unfortunately I don't think reducing the amounts or diluting the milk will work for DS, as how often he wakes and how much he consumes varies so wildly from night to night. That's why, like workingtitle, I think we need to go cold turkey. However, the thought of it makes me feel sick because I can't help but think, what if he actually is hungry and we're refusing to give him any milk during the night. I hate the thought of him going hungry and not understanding why we won't feed him.

workingtitle what did you do in terms of trying to soothe him? Did you give him water, cuddle him and try to soothe him or just give him water and then do controlled crying?

God, I feel like crying myself at the thought of him being so upset since when did I become such a wimp?!

IMO he is very young for you to be thinking of cutting the night feeds down. Children don't ask for night feeds merely because of hunger, but because of comfort too.

I gently cut out DS's one and only night feed recently, but he was 2-and-a-half. When he woke up and asked for it, I would tell him that feed was for daytime only, but that he could have a cuddle instead. He cried the first few times but eventually accepted it, and afterwards he would still wake but ask for a cuddle rather than a feed (i.e. it was comfort that he was after). Now he rarely wakes at all unless it's for a wee.

It's such a personal decision and you know your baby best, so if it feels very wrong then don't do it yet. Alternatively try it and see, but give yourself a time limit and revert if it doesn't feel time yet?
DS is a big eater and we really felt he was getting enough sustenance during the day. He was also a poor sleeper and the main thing was that I felt that we just got into a habit of using milk to soothe over anything else (because it was quick and worked, but in the longer term not ideal for us). We initially chose a 6-hr window (eg 10pm -4am) when we wouldn't give milk, and then we extended this time over a couple of weeks. We did everything else to soothe him and didn't leave him to cry in distress. Mainly cuddling him with a dummy in and then putting him back down when he was asleep again. There are a few night weaning strategies if you google, but with all these things I think they just work when the baby is ready (but you don't know if they're ready til you try!)

I cut out milk for dd at 8m. Similarly to workingtitle I just increased the gap - no milk for 4 hours, then 5 hours... She ate v well in the day and didn't need it most nights. I offered water and cuddles. After 3 nights she was sleeping better. Now at 15m if she's had a period of obvious growth spurt or is poorly and wakes overnight (unusual), she will sometimes ask for milk and I do let her, so long as it doesn't become a habit.

A friend hadn't had a full nights sleep with her dd at 14m, she was waking 2-3x. Decided to go cold turkey. Cried loads first night, less the second night, barely the third and has slept through since.

If you decide to go for it, stick with it at least 3 nights. I personally don't believe a baby of 12m needs milk every night. Occasionally maybe but every night is a physical habit. He will be waking up hungry because his body is telling him it's time to eat, just the same as you get hungry at dinner time even if you have had plenty of food the rest of the day. You will be doing him a favour though, by teaching him how to get through the night without milk, the chances are he'll learn to sleep through and be much more refreshed.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

workingtitle did you do a dream feed at 10pm and then nothing until 4am or did you just not feed until 4am if he didn't wake before 10pm?

I didn't night wean until 2 1/2 ish with 2 of mine, as a pp has said often it's not about hunger but comfort too, however cs was having about 270ml when he woke and ate me out of house and home during the day. When I felt they were ready I gradually reduced the amount andthen wwhen it was down to half a bottle I would go in and tuck them in and say I would be back in a few minutes with their milk, I would then wait 5 ish minutes to see if they would drop off majority of time they would.

What if he's thirsty? My four year old still wakes for water at night.

I'm in a similar situ at the moment, OP. My DS is 13 months and has rarely slept through (maybe 5 or 6 times in his life ). He goes to sleep around 8pm, though sometimes we can't get him to sleep until after 10pm..., and always wakes once (around 1-2am). We give him a feed of 160ml milk and he goes straight back to sleep till 7.30/8am. He is awake for about 5 minutes if we give him the bottle. We want to stop the night feed but can't bear the pain of it!

AllTheUsernames I didn't dream feed, just of he woke up outside of those 'core' hours and acted like he wanted milk then I fed him. You could start with a smaller number of hours.

Iggly DS drinks a fair bit of water in the night but it takes seconds to pop in and hold his sippy cup, compared with a bottle of milk or breastfeed