Grandparent alienating children

[sarajayne1967]

My dad has been through a lot in recent years, lost my mum 11 yrs ago to cancer, lost 2nd wife last November to bone marrow disease. Also lost house, business and made bankrupt at end of last year (long story but he wasn't blameless). As a result is a miserable old git (understandable I guess).
I have asked him to spend 2 weeks with us over summer break but he is alienating his grandchildren, 8, 11 & 13yrs. Constantly picking on them about their table manners, old fashioned ideas about how to bring up boys - called my 8 year old son a cry baby when I wasn't there. I love my dad and I am making allowances for him. I have suggested to the kids that if they can manage to stop "mucking about" at the table and sit nicely their life (and mine) would be a lot easier. They're basically good kids but bicker constantly.
Discipline was never my strong point and I can see where my Dad's coming from some of the time but I just feel like piggy in the middle and trying to placate everyone is exhausting. We're all counting the days until Grandad goes home.
I live at the opposite end of the country to my dad and only get to see him for a few days 5 or 6 times a year (although we speak every day on the phone) and I want this precious time together to be fun for all of us. Was planning on leaving him to babysit today so I could go into work for a few hours but have had to rearrange so hubbie can be around as my youngest has said he doesn't want to stay with Grandad.
Not looking for answers - just needed to get it off my chest.

Watching with interest

Grandparents on MN sometimes come across as either doting or neglectful, your DF hasn't made himself popular by being a stickler for rules.

Your DF doesn't live with your DCs all year round so he's going to notice what's been normalised. He probably wants them to have basic table manners and etiquette so they'll behave as they get older outside the home, in restaurants, at friends' houses, on planes, etc.

Let's be honest few of us really find other people's unruly DCs particularly cute. But even the mildest mannered offspring can have their moments. So Grandad doesn't have a high tolerance level, was he much the same when you were growing up?

They are young and they get bored so some noise is expected and that's fine, up to a point. Some bickering and banter is natural. With three DCs the household is probably "robust". The older lads will soon be organising their own social lives more at weekends and during holidays.

It takes a lot of work and patience to raise DCs and when a relative 'parachutes in' they don't necessarily notice all the good bits just the tiresome moments.

Your DF might turn out to be the sort of grandparent who prefers the older DCs with whom he can interact on a more adult level.

But the important thing is for them to know that he is always there for them, even if he is on the other side of the country.