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Original poster

Please help me enjoy my one year old

10 replies

HeyBungalowBill · 09/08/2014 08:47

DS has just turned one and he is becoming a nightmare and I'm worried the next few years are going to be awful!

This morning he kept standing up to pull the lamp over so I kept moving him away and saying no so he got angry and smacked my face.
He definitely understands no because he sometimes moves away when in a better mood, I hope this doesn't sound ridiculous but I can see on his face when he's that way out and he knows he is doing wrong.

What I try do at the moment is tell him no move him away and try get him to play with something else, is this ok? He keeps going back if he's in one of those moods and ends up crying and smacking.

He did come over for a cuddle after which seemed like a promising sign Grin

Does anyone have any advice?
How did you find the toddler years?
I feel scared that I won't enjoy DS because it feels like I'm constantly following him around saying no all day Sad

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bronya · 09/08/2014 08:51

You've got to teach him what is right and wrong in these years, and he's got to learn to control his emotions. I find if I'm consistent, and the consequence for inappropriate behaviour is something he doesn't like, my DS will do it less and less until he rarely does it at all. Get a good book perhaps and follow it? I find removing my attention is extremely effective, but my DS is a soft, sensitive Mummy's boy!!!

Original poster
HeyBungalowBill · 09/08/2014 09:10

I'm confident that I'd be able to deal with him if he was older, he won't get away with a thing when he's older Grin
I know I'll be very strict when it comes to behaviour and good manners

I think I'm finding it hard because he is young and I'm not sure what to do with him. Do you think what I am currently doing is ok? Saying no and trying to distract him?

Thank you for your reply!

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CustardFromATin · 09/08/2014 11:02

The thing is, there's not a moment when they are suddenly 'older', IYSWIM? It is easier in the long run if you start being consistent early with whatever approach you're aiming for in the next few years, whatever that is!

For example, personally prefer to let our DCs have the run of the house but not to have it too baby proofed, so we have stair gates, latches on the cleaning cupboard but other than that we are just (brain-numbingly, exhaustingly) consistent about what is and isn't okay. With 3 very small DCs this can be exhausting at the beginning but after a few months of 'uhuh' and a frown (for the littler stuff like emptying the bookcase) and 'no' and a hand stop sign (for the big things like playing with the oven), then distracting them with something else (even something boring like, listen to mummy make a whale sound!), they are really great about it. There were a fair few tantrums on the way, we reckon it takes about 50 reminders for dd or 100 for DSs, but suddenly you realise that they don't try to do it anymore! It's lovely to be able to now have valuable things out and people over with no issues...

That's the discipline side, but the best bit about enjoying your 1 year old is the playing! We love to discover every park, get a library card to have a constant stream of new books, let them discover the excitement of the Tupperware drawer (for added amusement we sometimes add in some plastic balls and stirring/hitting items, lasts for hours), 'painting' on paper with water, learning all the animal sounds, playing crawl chasey... Don't worry, you will be doing lots more than being no-mummy all the time! If you are tired or they are playing up because bored, we find getting outdoors is best, even if the weather is a bit rubbish or it's just to the supermarket. From 1 year on it just gets better, they are so much more interactive!

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DuckandCat · 09/08/2014 11:16

It always helps me to bear in mind that DD (20mo) isn't being 'naughty' when she is touching things I don't want her to, she's just exploring. So even though your DS understands 'no' he doesn't yet have the impulse control and can't help but touch!

I personally just move things out of the way if she really won't stop touching. Getting into a wrestling match with a 1yo, when you could just move the offending item away? It just seems a bit pointless to me.

The smacking you I wouldn't put up with though. If DD hits she gets put on the floor/ outside the room (within my sight), for a minute or so.

I think what you're doing sounds fine; and your DS sounds like a perfectly normal 1yo!

strawberrybubblegum · 14/08/2014 21:07

I'm with DuckandCat that it's much more relaxing if you can just move anything you don't want him to touch out of his reach. If you can keep your no's to an absolute minimum (dangerous things which you can't remove) then he's much more likely to accept them.

1 year old far too early to start worrying about them learning to do what you say, since as DuckandCat says, they really don't have much impulse control yet (that part of their brain simply hasn't developed). What you can do at this point which will help with that in future is build up your relationship with lots of affection and physical play. Anything that makes him giggle! The only reason a toddler has to do what you ask is that they value your relationship more than what they want to do.

A good book which talks about that is Playful Parenting. And a blog which I found great is Aha Parenting

strawberrybubblegum · 14/08/2014 21:15

Oh, and when you can see that he's starting to feel frustrated and - as you say - about to do something he knows is wrong because he's fed up, try picking him up and giving him a cuddle and tickle, and tell him that you love him. It will truly distract him and reset his mood.

You're approaching an amazing, wonderful parenting phase over the next few months. Your son is going to change lots, learn so many new things, and really start to become his own little person - who will charm and entertain you. Relax and enjoy it!

Bettercallsaul1 · 14/08/2014 21:38

That is excellent advice, strawberry - I couldn't agree more with what you said in your first post! Everything really is based on the solid rock of affection you build up with your child in the early years - discipline, intellectual development and future emotional relationships. If your child knows for certain that you love him/her unconditionally, they are much more likely to be influenced by you all through their childhood.

MsBug · 14/08/2014 21:52

I just try to move anything dangerous out of dd's reach, and use distraction if she is doing something she shouldn't.

Re. Having fun - dd is my excuse to do fun stuff! We go to farms, go swimming, go to the aquarium, or the park.

Original poster
HeyBungalowBill · 14/08/2014 22:03

Thank you so much for all of your advice on this thread, you in particular strawberry your posts have been a big help.

I will definitely try to reset his mood as you say, I try do that when he's tired and fed up but I never thought to do it when he was frustrated.

The fun times are definitely becoming more and more fun and the hard times more frustrating.
I can't wait until we can do new things together like painting, drawing and playing properly Smile

I think I was feeling very fed up when I started the thread as he's becoming more challenging, it'll be great to see him grow up and change like pp has said Smile I love him very much!

OP posts:
Stars66 · 14/08/2014 22:06

I try to not say no too often, more like use distraction techniques and make the house child safe! Or as safe as it can be when at 1 everything can hurt/ injure the child Put stuff out of reachGrin

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