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Original poster

Positive stories about having a second child

29 replies

sparklingharbour · 07/08/2014 15:49

Hello
I wondered if anyone could help me out with some positive stories about what having a second child has meant to you and your family please?

I am due to give birth to DD2 and am just not feeling it…Sad

I just feel hot, tired, and dreading the early days and feeding etc. I feel like having time to myself and rest - not a newborn. And this baby comes after multiple miscarriages so it's not like she is not planned.

All I seem to hear (maybe subconsciously??!) are stories about how hard it is to have more than 1 child. People saying knowingly "oh just you wait…" and every mother I know with two or more small children seems knackered and don't seem to enjoy it.

I was so happy about having DD1, enjoyed the birth, found the newborn stage and all stages after fascinating and a delight. Though do always yearn for time to self, being an introvert. So it's not like I don't like being a mother. And DD1 is 4 so it's not like I will have to cope with two babies.

I feel sad and worried for this child and think some positive stories would really help to change my mindset.

Thanks in advance, and P.S. please don't post negative experiences because I have plenty of negative stories to draw on. I want to redress the balance,

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OutDamnSpot · 07/08/2014 15:59

Well, I was hot, tired and fed up at end of preg with dc2. But once she was born it was lovely.

I found 1 to 2 absolutely fine, nothing like the shock of first child (2 to 3 on the other hand...Grin). I just took baby in buggy or sling to whatever I would do with toddler dc1.

You'll be fine. Its probably the end of pregnancy doing its magic, so you'll actually be wanting labour to start. Wait until the baby is here and you'll feel differently.

eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever · 07/08/2014 16:02

Can't give you a positive sorry because I'm also pg with number 2, but you've done all this before and I'm sure it won't be so hard as you're imagining. Have you had lots of negative or intrusive thoughts like this?

IShallCallYouSquishy · 07/08/2014 16:05

I'll be honest, I'm pretty tired but only because DS isn't the best sleeper.

DD is 2.2 and my days are pretty full on but never a struggle unless it's been a truly awful night with DS

I never thought I could love anyone as much as DD but the second I held DS I loved him just as much.

I'm very lucky that DD adores her baby brother. She cuddles him and kisses him, wants to see him as soon as she wakes up, loves to help look after him. He positively beams at her and gives her some of the best smiles and giggles.

DS wasn't actually a planned pregnancy but I can't imagine a life without both of them.

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longtallsally2 · 07/08/2014 16:12

We too wanted our dc2, but at the last minute I got scared and remembering feeling just as you do.

I really struggled with the early days with ds1, but ds2 was a doddle in comparison. The birth was 100% easier, feeding was easier, and ds1 was soooo proud that he had become a big brother. The routine of taking ds1 to nursery etc was great for ds2 - we just put him into the pram or sling and off we went. He learned to sleep anywhere, and once he was a few months old, really enjoyed being out and about.

Hope that helps

LittleBallOfFur · 07/08/2014 16:15

I had an awful pregnancy with ds2 (various illnesses, spd) after a really straightforward pregnancy with ds1. Plus I'd had a miscarriage inbetween. So I was really worried about ds2, that something was wrong/how things would change/how I could possibly love him as much as ds1.

He was also 2 weeks late. Mega stressful!

But when he was born, gosh I adored him straight away. I didn't cry after ds1 was born but I did with ds2. Lots of pent up emotions.

I was worried how ds1 (nearly 4) would react but he adores him too (pushed past me to get to him when we came home from hospital).

It has been a learning curve to manage both their needs and I have been tired. But generally things have been good and we are finding our way (ds2 4 months old now).

You will be fine x

annielewis · 07/08/2014 16:19

I have to say I was soo scared at the end of my pregnancy with my second (23 month age gap) and just kept thinking how the hell am I going to cope with two! I was also heavily pregnant/due at this time of year and was so hot and bothered by the reality of pregnancy and swollen feet etc.

I now wouldn't change it for the world! My babies are 2 and 4 and get on so well together - my first born was lovely with the newborn and having a newborn the second time around isn't half as scary as first time!

I agree with outdamnspot I just put baby in the sling a lot and carried on with life - to be honest the relief of not being pregnant anymore was huge!!!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and don't worry you will be ok once baby arrives!

Oh and ignore all the bullshit 'just you wait' crap.. people will say that at everystage 'just wait til they're toddlers/crawling/walking/at school/doing exams/ teenagers etc etc etc' Its like a form of competitive 'woe is me' shite. Enjoy your precious babies!!!

Good luck!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/08/2014 16:31

Going from 1 to 2 was much less of a hardship than 0 to 1. Yes you still are exhausted but you've already done it once and got the t-shirt and I found DS2 slotted in easily as we were already doing the toddler stuff with DS1. Also I co-slept (I know it's not recommended but I'm a very light sleeper, we have a kingsize bed/light quilt) which I found easier going on me and didn't disturb DH or DS1's sleep.

The only thing I found to be a pill was the second round of baby groups etc which I found dulllll. So with that in mind I ended up doing my own thing with DS2 just me and him (when DS2 was at school) and enjoyed it! (also it can't be that bad as I'm expecting DS3 Wink )

Also congratulations Thanks

Anotheronesoon · 07/08/2014 16:47

Hi I've just had number two - 4months ago. Was kind of dreading it but it has been lovely! My ds2 is much more chilled out than ds1, he is such a cutie and it is so sweet to see both the boys together. Only 18 months between them so everyone kept telling me how hard it would be And although I've had a few hairy moments ( mainly at bedtime when husband working and toddler refusing to go to bed and jumping out his cot!) it has actually been lovely and a whole lot easier than first time round!
Try not to worry too much-you will soon have another little person to love and you will be surprised at how your worries will disappear when they are in your arms. Yes it's hard but the best things in life are. Xx

Original poster
sparklingharbour · 07/08/2014 17:24

Thanks so much. I am in tears now. Maybe that's what I need - a good cry.
It is so good to hear that others had doubts too at this stage. I have found the pregnancy endless, it hasn't been good, and the heat is unbearable. I am pinning all my hopes on the fact I will feel different once I am no longer pregnant, but started to really worry.

OP posts:
PlumpPartridge · 07/08/2014 17:29

I think that my absolute favourite part of parenthood thus far has been watching the interaction between my two sons. They are 13mo apart and now, at 2 and 3 respectively, they are a little pair of brothers. They fight, but also care about each other and try to cuddle each other. I love that I've made a sibling for each of my sons, if that makes sense Grin

The first few months were hard work but every day since has got better and better.

PlumpPartridge · 07/08/2014 17:30

And when the new one pops out, just take it a day at a time. Don't worry if you aren't loving it, ypu are not obliged to. Things will get better.

sunnyrosegarden · 07/08/2014 17:37

I found the transition from 1-2 much easier than I had anticipated. I slept so much better than first time (in fact, it was my eldest, then aged 3, who kept me awake). The baby just fitted into my routine.

I think it is normal to wobble, but it will be fine.

stargirl1701 · 07/08/2014 17:40

Thank you all the posters. I'm in the OP's situation too and this has really cheered me up today. 9 days till the due date...

Casmama · 07/08/2014 17:42

I can absolutely give you a positive story as I am sitting cuddling my 4 week old ds2. I sympathise with the weather and was pretty miserable at the end of pregnancy too.

However, the birth was really straightforward, ds2 sleeps and eats really well and is a delightful baby but the absolute best thing is how delighted my da1(4) is with his baby brother. Yes I'm quite tired but far less so than I was in late pregnancy. I'm absolutely loving it and just as enchanted with every minor development as I was with ds1.

Hope she arrives soon and I'm sure you will enjoy it.

Igggi · 07/08/2014 17:43

I think the gap will work in your favour actually. I had dc2 almost 5 years after dc1 (like you I had rmc) and I didn't have to deal with some of the difficulties people with two small dcs had. Older one adores the little one, and is big enough to go and fetch nappies etc! Yes you are thrown back a step (your firstborn sleeping through etc) but it is so so worth it. Lots of things I stressed about first time round have been so easy now I have experience.

beccajoh · 07/08/2014 17:44

For us it's been about 10% more work. He's a delightfully easy baby compared with DD. He's 6.5 months and DD is 2.1 years and I feel like the really hard bit is over and done with, although in 6 months I'll have two toddlers so it might get hard again Shock

missorinoco · 07/08/2014 17:55

DC2 a walk in the park after DC 1
You are used to babies, so the life upheaval is less. Feeding, crying and all thst is not WTF does this mean that it was last time. So much easier having a newborn than being pregnant with a child already. Yes there are new challenges, but they are doable. Good luck!

Original poster
sparklingharbour · 07/08/2014 18:05

So glad I posted this. I was at a pregnancy yoga class this morning, and all the late pregnant women were talking about how much they were looking forward to having their baby. I just don't feel like that.

Feel so much better now, thanks. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklingharbour · 07/08/2014 18:06

And am very cheered up to think I might be less tired with a newborn than I feel now.

Plus it will be nearly Autumn…I am crying for grey skies Grin

OP posts:
wejammin · 07/08/2014 18:25

DD is 10 days old and DS is 2 and a half. So far it has been 100% easier than when DS was born. Yes I'm tired but I feel relaxed and able to cope. She's just fitted in.

seasaltbaby · 07/08/2014 19:18

I worried a lot about this too but pleased to say another positive story from me. DS is now 7 weeks old with DD now 2.10 & it's been soooo much easier than I thought. I too was thoroughly miserable at end of my pregnancy & a newborn + toddler really is easier & less tiring. I guess it's helped that the birth was straightforward & so far he's a great sleeper, feeds well & is growing loads, but I think I felt so much more relaxed & less worried about every little thing this time around too. I feel so much more confident with a newborn this time.

I'm sure when the waiting is over & you meet your baby you will fall in love. Yes it is constant, hard work & tiring but totally totally worth it. DD has taken to it all remarkably well (albeit some tantrums/meltdowns-but you know how to cope with those) & now I can't wait to see how their relationship develops. My top tip would be to get a sling as baby sleeps & you carry on with life as you were-but better as you're not heavily pregnant!!
Glad the thread is helping, sure you'll be grand, good luck Smile

MrsSpencerReid · 07/08/2014 19:24

Having a newborn and a toddler is 10million times easier than being heavily pregnant with a toddler, and I only got to 35w!!! There are up and downs but watching ds1 give ds2 toys or a cuddle when he crys/telling him stories or jut chatting to him makes the downs worth it. Good luck Smile

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/08/2014 19:50

Oh god it's totally normal to not be 'loved up' all the time - well it is for me anyway Grin
You're only human and I can't believe parents can be skippingly von trap happy all the time - just the thought of it sounds tiring! and vomit inducing

The last month or so of pregnancy was tiring, nothing fits, uncomfortable all the time, wheezing, can't even put your shoes on (or see your feet!) and the novelty has definitely worn off.

RainbowInACloud · 07/08/2014 21:35

It was fab! Honest Smile
Much much easier than 0-1. DS 2 slotted in straight away, DS1 adored him.
There were hard moments/ days but on the whole the boys amused each other and their laughter/ mischief never fails to make me laugh.
Currently pregnant with number 3 so fingers crossed he will fit in just as well.

prettywhiteguitar · 08/08/2014 08:10

My second pregnancy was awful, constant sickness and totally exhausted didn't enjoy it at all, but then at the end I was so not looking forward to giving birth I didn't want to go into labour !! I wasn't looking forward to the sleepless nights and constant crying

But dd was a lovely baby, slept loads, unlike her brother ! Had a bit of colic but honestly just fitted in and ds adored her ! They still do 6 and 3 and I honestly don't know how people just deal with 1 dc anymore

They entertain themselves , they always have someone to play with and if you go to the park it's do much easier.

Being pregnant is awful , the hormones and the tiredness contribute to feeling down about stuff I think x

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