How to get a toddler to listen?

[SalsaP]

My DS is 2.7 and is becoming increasingly selective in his listening. I know he hears me, most of the time, but he ignores me. More recently he is ignoring me when I give instructions too e.g. Stop when running off too close to a road, not to hit me (hits me again) etc. I've been trying the "if you don't listen we will go home" approach recently and do follow through but he is only getting worse. Not sure if the approach is making him more defiant or if it's just his age.

I'm getting quite snappy with him now and I know this is making the situation worse but I'm not sure what else to do. I need techniques please!

My DS the same! Am listening to replies with interest...

Have you tried telling what to do? E.g. stay next to me when crossing etc (using a sing song voice I'd you must!)?

Yes I have tried telling him what to do but he ignores me. Not always but enough and it's getting worse. Not sure I've used a sing song style though so perhaps I'll give that a go - even though I'm far from being in a sing song mood with him!

I have some success by getting his attention before an instruction by using his name. And very short phrases with pauses for him to hear it. So:

DSname (pause). DSname (pause). DSname (finally he looks at me).
Keep your legs up (pause). I'm doing your nappy.

I also engineer ways to ignore/leave him alone/not talk to him if he does what I don't want him to do.

Keep your legs up (continues kicking). OK, I'm leaving you here on the nappy mat.

Walk away from mat, not talking.

DS: No, no mat.

Me, going back over: Legs up then.

Also the usual simple choices: Hold hands, or you go in the buggy.

Hands or buggy.

OK, buggy then.

IME this is the stage you have to become clever about how you communicate with them. Read and re-read how to talk. It's annoying to not be able to just ask them to do something but it does always take longer than trying some thing to grab their attention.

So, for the stop when near a road, teach him the ready steady stop game - get him to run ahead (in a safe area) then shout ready steady stop, and see how quickly he can stand still as a statue. DS loved this game and would do it for ages. Now at 4 when I shout stop its immediate thank goodness.

For instructions use races/games/warnings. DS I bet I can get my shoes on before you. DS we're leaving the park very soon, you've got time to go on the slide 3 more times, shall we count them together then you can open the gate (no point saying 5 more mins as means nothing to them). If you can get ready for bed super fast we might have enough time for 2 stories tonight. I noticed a couple of alligators on your teeth earlier, could you brush them away? Etc etc.

For hitting, I make a sad face, say you hurt me, that makes me very sad, and I walk away whenever possible or use time in/time out. Then come back and say we're a family, we need to be kind to each other, if you're feeling cross you can tell me.

Don't get me wrong, I snap and shout too. It's v v frustrating. But I know I get a much faster and more positive response if I use a sneaky way through.

And of course do check he can actually hear you and doesn't have glue ear of something!