Ploppy Pants

[roobydooby]

Have just shouted at my daughter for pooing in her pants (again)so think its time to use message board for advice - She is 2 years 9 months and we have ben potty training now for 7 weeks. Wees are great and she is in knickers full time. She asked to go to the toilet and had a poo after 3 weeks in knickers and we thought we had cracked it. There was then a week of hit and miss and since then she has not managed a poo in the potty/loo at all, just poos in her pants and tells me after the event.
At first was calm, have read all the books etc but now starting to really stress me out. Her poos are not regular, she makes no signs that she is doing them and they are usually quite loose and at times sloppy and she sometimes poos 3 or 4 times a day.Have used sticker charts, bribes etc and have asked her if she wants to go back to nappies but she doesn't.
It doesn't help that my older daughter went from nappy to fully trained in 2 weeks when she was less than 2 1/2.
Am at end of tether (hence the shouting which has resulted in guilt trip especially as she asked me to stop shouting at her) I know rationally I should back off, clean her up with no comments, let her decide etc etc. but it really is bloody hard! Any advice?

Don't feel guilty about shouting at her, maybe it will help her realise that although she isn't naughty, she shouldn't do it. My dd could only poo standing up, and didn't have the patience to stay sat on a potty to poo. I would put the nappy on her so that she could poo in the nappy, then take it off again immediatly afterwards. Do you think your dd has control over her bowels? I thought that bowel control came before wee control.

Does your dd make any indication at all that she's pooing? Does she go quiet, stand in the corner, look away from you , or something else? If you identify something, I would put her onto the pottythere, whereever she is.

Does she find the potty uncomfortable to sit on do you think?

Thank you for your replies - there is no indication that she is having a poo at all that i can tell - she never has had. Sh has three potties, one like a chair , the other 2 regular potties but prefers to use the toilet and always tells me when she needs a wee.
She has had 3 poo accidents today, one when she was standing next to the chair potty which she prefers. I was in the room with her and wouldn't have been able to tell if she as having a poo.
I do not really know what to so for the best - i feel like packing it in and putting her back in nappies but as she was the one who initiated potty training in the first place by telling me she wanted to wee on the toilet, I am loathe to do this.

Being ready to be dry doesn't automatically mean she's ready to be clean - they are two completely separate processes and readiness often comes at a different time.

It sounds to me as if she doesn't actually know when she needs a poo, and if that's the case all the bribery, stickers and yelling in the world aren't going to help. Once she makes that connection between the sensation she feels and the end result then it will click. Until then there's not much you can do to speed up the process.

If you aren't happy cleaning her up then nappies is your only option. Otherwise it's a case of plastering on the smile, gritting the teeth and cleaning her up either without comment or with a bit of positive reinforcement like "Never mind, perhaps you'll get it in the potty next time".

My ds was ready to be dry a good 6 months before he managed to sort the poos. Put her back in nappies.

I disagree with the poster who said "Don't worry about shouting at her" If she cannot physically control her bowels, how can you expect her not to soil herself?

Take the pressure off her, I am quite sure that if you ask her where she does poos, she will tell you "In the potty". Knowing it and being able to do it are two different things entirely, and it is not in your daughter's control.

Just because she knows what wee feels like doesn't mean she knows what poo feels like. they are as different as sun and wind - yet both come from the same place.

Its interesting to see that the wee and poo thing are too different processes. We've recently started potty training ds and he's fine doing wees on the potty but has a real thing about doing poos to the point where he purposely holds it in and gets really upset. It was almost dribbling out today and in the end he got in such a state that I put him back in a nappy and within minutes he's let it all out. I was considering taking the jump and putting him in proper pants but I worry about the effect on him doing a poo in his pants. Thoughts anyone? On the shouting thing rooby, we seem to forget sometimes that we are onloy human and these things can be frustrating. I would advise that if it happens again, once calm just explain that you're sorry for shouting and that you weren't angry with her just frustrated at the situation.

Hi roobydooby,

you say that your dd gives absolutely no indication that she wants to poo, and that her poos are sloppy. If I were you, I would get her checked at the doctors just to make sure that everything is fine.

Thank you for your emails. We decided last Monday to put dd back in Nappies which she was ok with after a while. Completely took pressure off but still took her to toilet after meals and first thing in morning when she happily weeed in toilet - she continued to poo in her nappy pants. I also took her to see the health visitor who said she may have a slightly sensitive stomach hence the sloppy poos and advised us to lay off the fruit and veg for a while (dd loves fruit and veg). Anyway, this morning she took herself off upstairs and put a pair of knickers on then promptly sat on the potty herself, had a wee and presented it to me. Gave her lots of praise etc and she went off to play. After lunch she went off to play while I cleared away in the kitchen and then came back 5 minutes later proudly holding her potty aloft exclaiming "I've pooed!" Am gobsmacked! However, what do i do now? Have decided to let her decide if she wants nappy pants or knickers on and still not make a fuss if a mistake happens. Aren't children weird!