Finding it tough right now- anyone else?!

[ExcitableScallop]

Not sure where to start here, might be a bit rambly, sorry! I have two DCs 3.6 and 2.3. I'm a SAHM, and DC1 is in preschool usually for 3 sessions a week, and I have DC2 at home with me. I've been really looking forward to the summer holidays, but 2 weeks in, I am ready to sell my children and emigrate!

I love them both to bits, but right now they are so full-on. They fight and whinge so much, and the last few days I've found that I've totally lost my rag with both of them, becoming a horrible, shouty mum, and I've had to walk away several times shaking with rage because I'm losing the plot. I think I've shouted so much that I'm reluctant to open the windows because my neighbour is around during the day and I don't want her to hear me shouting She must think my DCs are so unfortunate to have a mum like me.

We get out LOADS and do lots of fun things together, plus I chuck them out in the garden as much as possible so they are 'exercised', but sometimes I need to stay at home and be able to get on with a few things and they make it SO hard for me to do this, even the most basic of housework/emails/phone calls. I spend a lot of time playing/reading with them, but DC1 especially always wants more, and to play with him ALL the time.

I never wanted to be the person who dreads the holidays, but I'm turning out like this. DC1 has suddenly gone from being very laid-back and easy-going, to becoming a lot more boisterous and pushes/shoves/head locks DC2, and it's driving me mad. DC2 pinches and bites her brother in retaliation, and this morning bit a hole in his tshirt DC1 has also started having tantrums which he never had at 2. I'm finding 3 so much harder than 2! They have always been very chatty/verbal for their ages, and I often find myself negotiating with even DC2, before I think "why the hell am I letting a just 2 year old dictate what I do?" It's just exhausting, and by the time they go to bed I'm done for and so bloody tired. The argue with each other so much, but whilst they might have the language, they don't have the maturity to actually end any argument well!

Is this just a phase and the perils of having two so close together in age? My siblings were much older than me so I never had anyone fighting me for toys/attention so this is all new to me. I always wanted 3 or 4 children, but I know I couldn't cope, which makes me feel like a massive failure. Especially when we actually get quite a lot of help from GPs.

There haven't been any big changes in our house, and DP is really hands on, so I don't know why it's suddenly like this. Is it normal? DC1 seems quite sad sometimes, and scared of my shouting, which makes me feel awful. I'm worried I'm damaging his self-esteem by shouting so much.

I'm not depressed and have loads to be thankful for, but definitely feel hugely stressed and on the edge- I could burst into tears at any moment and the rage just comes out of nowhere.

Any tips for staying sane and not shouting? Feel like I'm losing the plot slightly!

Anyone?!

You're not alone at all. Having young children is very hard indeed.

Don't beat yourself up. Being a good enough parent is good enough.

I'm sure someone else will be along in a bit, but didn't want you to go without a reply.

Mine are 2.11 years & 4 months and I feel like that too. Constantly swallowing back tears & find myself losing my temper so easily. Am hoping it'll get easier to cope with once the baby starts sleeping longer at night.

Thank you Pslightly and Diryan for replying! It can feel quite lonely sometimes. We're very social and go out lots but that's tiring in itself. I just want to sit sometimes or be at home pottering without someone wanting me all the time, aaargh! I realise I'm whinging here, even though I tell the DCs not to.

My eldest is a similar age to yours, although my youngest is still a baby and I agree it's hard! Yours is such a close age gap too - no wonder things are tough at the moment!

My eldest is similar in that he seems to want and need my attention all the time. I'm always amazed by the posts on here about how much housework people do with young children. I'm still on mat leave and so I'm home all the time, but I struggle to get anything done. I can feed and clothe us all- I.e meal plan, shop, cook and do laundry, but that's about it. How people manage to do things like steam clean their floors I don't know! Things like that I can only do once they're in bed, and by then I'm too tired.

So I'm afraid I've no real advice, just sympathy. Personally I like getting out in the day - at least that way if we're out the house isn't getting any dirtier/untidier!

I often feel the same as you. No words of wisdom I'm afraid but lots of sympathy. Dd is 3.8 and ds turns 2 in a couple of weeks. I work 3 days a week and think I would go crazy if I didn't, it's the only time I get to go by the loo myself for one! I am far too quick shout and scream and worry that's how the children will remember me when they're bigger. Every night I pledge to be a nicer Mummy tomorrow and then just feel the rage when they don't listen, ignore me, whinge and whine etc... I did have counselling a few months ago for the anger issues as like you not depressed but was worried I wasn't coping. It helped a bit and maybe I need to revisit some of the techniques. I often feel guilty as we are so lucky in lots of ways and I love them so much but I am so intolerant! I'm trying to remember on bad days that I find it so hard because it is bloody hard! Hope tomorrow is a good day for you.

I too often feel as you do. Mine are one and two with 11 months between them and already they fight a lot. They play / love each other a lot too, but DS(1) will pull DD's hair and scream at her or me whenever he doesn't get exactly what he wants or is frustrated...and I mean angry, loud, short screams where he'll hit you if you're nearby. She will be too rough with him, bites him at times, pushes him.....I feel like a bloody referee most days! He's nearly 14 months and I struggle with his level of rage which has been there from the start. The HV told me I had 'spirited children'....tell me something I don't know.

You're definitely not alone. It's like a boxing match in my house regularly with the ding-ding between rounds....and then back for another.

My only advice is to separate them on days when they cannot get it together and stop fighting. I find this works really well and I have peace and two happy kids engaged in play separate from the other. Given 99.9% of the fights occur over toys / objects, separating them means they get the toys to themselves with no sibling snatching them.