How to fill your kids with self esteem

[PslightlyPsycho]

I've noticed that almost all the mums I know are having a really hard time at the moment. Lots of us are having some therapy or counselling for pretty serious issues, and much of that comes down to low self esteem which started in our childhoods. So I'm on a mission to find out how I can improve my kids' self esteem.

I'll start off with the obvious ones, please add anything you can think of.

• Pay attention to them, wholeheartedly. Switch off the phone/computer and actually pay attention.

• Verbalise their good points, tell them what you appreciate about them.

• Be kind, and fair.

• Make them feel heard, even if they can't have what they want.

Being a role model for them. Show them the positives of having self esteem. I also think it is important to ask positive questions... What was good about today, did anyone do any nice things, what did you play etc :)

Praise them for effort, rather than achievement. They can always put in effort, even if the achievement is outside their current grasp.

Giving them a chance to outshine you, try new things.

Let them be in charge (in an age appropriate way!). They can pick out diner, be in charge of crossing the road, use a map to find the park, remember where we parked the car.

Get them to value discussion and compromise.

Giving them a chance to outshine you, try new things.

Let them be in charge (in an age appropriate way!). They can pick out diner, be in charge of crossing the road, use a map to find the park, remember where we parked the car.

Get them to value discussion and compromise.

Tell them:
"I really enjoyed watching you at your swimming lesson"
"Do you remember that cake we made last week - that was yummy"
About what they were like as a baby
How you chose their name

Spend a few hours with only them (no siblings) letting them choose what to do (google love bombing but it's not a new thing, just repackaged!)

I love the love-bombing idea! Found this link which describes it.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children

I have always treated her with respect. I have praised her achievements and effort and gave her real stern telling offs. I never lied to her and she's always been an equal partner in our family. Her opinion is always sought and questioning 'why' is encouraged. 'Because I say so' is an in house joke and never used seriously. She shares family responsabilities with us. We're honest with her, we're expecting the same from her.
As a result, we have a confident preteen who thinks she's 'amazing but I am willing to be proved otherwise '
The fact that she's really funny and can be self deprecating with a deadpan expression is a bonus.
We'll keep this one.

Oh, I know the hormone years are yet to come!
Things might change.

Keep tellings off* short and hugs long.

Encorage them always to have a go

Let them take risks, keep 'be carefulls' to the minimum.

Let them see you throw yourself down the water slide, go on the roller coaster.

Listen to them, but cut them short if it's negative winge. Ask them for the possitives of their day. (Don't winge and gossip yourself)

Don't tolerate them being bullied or let them bully others. Encourage them to see their peers good points

Support the activities they enjoy and (except for swimming) don't force the ones they don't.

Have a positive attitude to learning, let them see you learn and try new things. Have hobbies and let them see they are important. If you work let them see the positives.

*Personally I shout and I've been known to smack, I don't think exactly how you discipline matters. What matters is you keep it short. Don't nag, don't bring up past crimes, don't sulk or allow sulking.

Don't take toys, TV or screens away for prolonged periods.

Keep groundings short and don't cancell outings or parties. Don't make threats you can't or feel really rotten carrying out.

Long drawn out punishments don't make DCs think about the crime, they just make them hate you and hate the world.

Feeling justified in pushing blame and resentment on to others is the opposite of self-esteem.

You want them to realise somethings are unacceptable and move on.

Great thread, I'm going to use a lot of these suggestions with my kids.

I'd add -

"appreciate them for the individual person they are; not who you think they should be"

"Make up with them over any arguments before bedtime"

I echo be a good role model - get out and about, too many people live cooped up lives inside their home with a social life comprising of being on Facebook.

Get involved in your community, be part of the action groups/litter picks/voluntary work/church - anything to show your child that there is a great big world out there with loads of things to do and get involved with.

Let your children spend time with you (age appropriate of course ) - I strongly believe that 'it takes a village to raise a child'. Other adults can have a really good impact on your children.

'Let your children spend time without you.'

Sorry, didn't preview properly .

Yes to appreciating who they are.

They may not be interested in the same things as you, they not be as academic, they may have friends/boy friends you don't click with at first.

I think it took a long time for my DDad to appreciate my non academmic DSIS despite my DM having left school at 14 and that never bothering him.

The ordinary, pub sociallising, rugby playing boys, she brought home puzzled him.