What age were your DC when it started to feel a bit easier?

[GreenSunrise]

I have DS 3.2 years and DD is 10 months.

DS is generally really pleasant to be with but does have some massive tantrums. He likes lots of one to one attention which is not always possible with DD there.

DD is crawling everywhere, fiercely independent and very inquisitive so I can't take my eyes off her for a second. She doesn't sleep well at night - up every 2-3 hours and won't take a bottle so I can't have a night off. DS doesn't always sleep through the night and no longer has daytime naps so no respite in the day.

I love them both very much and know I am lucky to have two healthy children but they both need me so much at the moment and I am so tired. When they are asleep all I want to do is be alone or sleep.

Just wondering how old your DC were when it started to feel easy rather than surviving each day?

Easier? You must be joking! Mine are mid teenagers, and if anything, it's harder!

When they leave home then

Only another 17 years to go!

I noticed a big turning point when my youngest turned 3. I had 3 under 4 and it was pretty relentless until then. Now they are 4, 6 and 8 and it is much easier.

Yes. It's different a different type of hard, but still hard.

Eg: last night I was in bed worrying about DD who wasn't home when she said she'd be.

Or the other DD who is constantly late for school, not getting her homework in on time etc.

I suppose as they get older, it's more mentally hard, rather than physically hard.

Once my younger dc was 4 everything seemed to become so much easier. They played together independently, needed less attention, she could communicate effectively so tantrums stopped.

I've got 2yo twins and have noticed it get better at 21m and just after they turned 2. At 21m they stopped hanging off me (Velcro toddlers!) and at 2 and bit they started playing together themselves for 10 or 20 minutes and watching cbeebies. Once you get everyone sleeping through the night it gets easier.

DS will qualify for a state nursery place now, won't he? That should make things a lot easier. And I wonder if you would think about sleep training? Our girls weren't brilliant sleepers from the off and we had to sleep train them to self settle at 6 months and then had to wean DT2 off her nighttime bottle at (erk) 11 months. It was a hell of a lot easier after that.

From about 3.5 DD1 started to have a bit of sense (only a bit, but as she was a vanishing, fiddling, getting into and climbing everything toddler, a bit of improvement made a massive difference).

The biggest improvement was DD2 going to nursery one day a week at 18 months.

A stupid luxury as a SAHM, but a mornings peace (DD1 was at preschool) for me, a afternoon of just mummy for DD1 and a big dose of other people for very sociable DD2 worked wonders for everyone. (Including DH who got a much nicer tempered wife)

After that, I guess I'm lucky, bar DD2 being a grade A pain about food, I don't find having children that stressful.

Not having any babysitting could be frustrating.

DD2 especially can have her moments when the world had to revolve around her and DD1 is dyslexic, which comes with it's accademic and social stresses. But compared to DD1 being a totally exhausting, couldn't take your eyes off her for a split second toddler - Yes it gets a 1000x easier!

At 13&16, they are the least troublesome teens you could possibly wish for, touch wood that boys etc don't spoil that.

When they were 6 and 3 it got a lot easier for me. Now 7 and 4 and easier still. Not looking forward to the teenage years though!

It sounds like we are just a few years away from a lull before we hit the teenage years then. Thanks all

toomuchtooold you are right DS will qualify for his free 15 hours from next month but that is when I go back to work and so although it is a great help financially it doesn't really make any difference on the practical side as both children would have been in child care anyway.

DD has been quite independant for a couple of years (shes 8) find her very helpful with the younger kids and can usually rely on her to be the sensible one. My 6 year old son is still very demanding and I struggle with the most, which is hard as I have 4 year old twins they arent naughty but both very active, the boy twin is quite aggresive have to watch him with his sister and older brother

Mine are 6,4 and 2.. I think it's easier than this time last year... Possibly not as easy as same time previous year when dd2 was an immobile small baby! Something that always sticks in my mind was a random comment a neighbour made a few years ago "there's this point... When they're in late primary school when life is almost.. Normal (wish I could convey the way she said the word normal.. Like it was a totally far fetched unbelievable concept)... Then they become teenagers and it's like they're 2 all over again."

I'm starting to raise a little hope that things may get slightly less relentless as the youngest moves from 2.5 to 3-4. I think it depends on the individual child too though, I know several who were/are at their most challenging (so far ) at 4.

I think it does get easier in ways, each year (so far anyway, I'm probably in a calm before the storm phase!). I remember thinking last summer how much easier it was as the youngest was 2/3 and could let him loose in the garden and could leave him more to get on with things by himself.

I'm definitely finding it easier in some ways this summer, now my youngest has turned four. He was quite a high needs baby and toddler, and although the challenges have changed, I find I have more strength and energy to deal with current demands, which seem to be more negotiation related, rather than the tremendous physical demands of b/fing, sleep disturbance, constant following/picking up/carrying.

Eldest is 7 and they're kind of into the same things and slightly more on an even keel with each other except when they fight. SO much easier now we can just walk out of the door with the bare minimum!

I had a bath in the middle of the day today for the first time in years, and could RELAX without constant disturbance or fears about what was going on.

It does get easier when they begin to do a lot of things for themselves like

Eating
Dressing
Washing (still have to check)
Playing - one of the best gifts you can give your child is boredom - force them to use their brainns, they naturally gravitate towards what they like or do then
Bigger - going to park is easier when they can run about more independently n burn off energy
Eventually your oldest will learn to swim n going to pool with kids who can swim means you can sit n watch or swim yourself.

You grab bits if easiness back bit by bit but part of it is teaching them this stuff. I know someone with an incredibly dependant 8 yr old because they babyed her for too long.

Get them tidying n putting dishes from table to bench as soon as. Clothes in laundry basket. All tiny ways to set the tone for them to become more independent and helpful!

It does get easier on the practical side but you do need to learn to shut your ears down when the questions start....oh encourage reading lots wedo this during quiet time. We also have grown up time at nights when it is bedtime!

greensunrise if you're going back to work FT (or even PT but full days) then it will get tons easier I think. I've been back 3 days/week for 4 months and I bloody love it. House is a tip but who cares, I get to ignore it for 3 days/week! Everyone keeps saying "how are you finding it being back at work" and I have to kind of smile ruefully because saying "it's a piece of piss compared to looking after two toddlers" makes me look like I'm not taking work seriously enough...

I found the early years the easiest - but then I acknowledge that I was so lucky to have a 'good' sleeper and a happy, independent toddler who loved playschool, no eating worries and napped every day for 2-3 hours .

But having a teenager .............. completely different story .

I have one who is five and it's mostly easy now because he can do most things for himself. Although he can still be a pain in the arse

for me - around 3 or 4 years. they start to be more reasonable and even speak some english.

I have a 5yr and 2.5yr. Definitely getting easier as each year rolls by. I hated the baby phase with both, found the toddler phase slightly easier, enjoyed the pre-school phase and love the school phase so I know once youngest is at pre-school next year (and we are done with teething and nappies) things will take a positive turn again, then when they are both at school will be a real tipping point for me. I know some say it gets harder as they get older, but I think that is down to which aspects of parenting you find hard. For me it was the total and utter dependence on me that ground me down and stressed me out, and as the independence grows I find it easier and easier. I have to think about and organise so many more things now for my eldest who is at school, but I still find it 100 times easier emotionally, mentally and physically than I did when I was in what felt like groundhog days of feed/change/play/sleep/repeat on 3hr cycles when they were babies.

Yes I'm sure the pre-teen and teen stages will have their challenges, I just think I am better equipped to deal with those than I ever was dealing with babys/toddlers/infants.

So don't despair, you will probably find it gets easier pretty soon, you are in the white hot phase at the moment imo. Good luck xx