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pregnancy/parenting books

19 replies

molly84 · 03/08/2014 09:04

Hello, I'm currently just over halfway through my first pregnancy and starting to think about types of parenting styles and buying a good book/s for the latter stage of pregnancy and life with a newborn. There are so many out there, and I'm a bit confused. Currently I've just been following nhs advice and advice from mumsnet. However, I really would like a good reference book to have at hand. My husband and I want to have quite a relaxed approach to parenting, but not attachment parenting as we do want some structure and routine. I definitely feel I want us to be child led in the early days but perhaps more parent led as he gets older? Does this make sense? What sort of book would you recommend? I'm keen to breast feed. I've also got a science background so I like an evidence based approach. Sorry if this is a bit waffly, but I'm just a bit overwhelmed with all the information out there. Thank you.

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Cric · 03/08/2014 09:13

I have found the NHS great!have you looked at the wonder weeks?? There is an app that you can try and then decide if you want to buy the book. It is written by a psychologist if that helps :)

Chaby · 03/08/2014 09:20

I read far too many books and in the end got confused and stressed so stopped and followed my instincts, much happier!

However for practical advice on looking after a newborn i would highly recommend Your Baby Week by Week, it really helped, lots of practical advice and what to expect.

I also quite liked the Babycentre newletter you can sign up for.

Chaby · 03/08/2014 09:21

Yes also to wonder weeks!

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Chaby · 03/08/2014 09:26

I read far too many books and in the end got confused and stressed so stopped and followed my instincts, much happier!

However for practical advice on looking after a newborn i would highly recommend Your Baby Week by Week, it really helped, lots of practical advice and what to expect.

I also quite liked the Babycentre newletter you can sign up for.

molly84 · 03/08/2014 09:30

Thanks very much, I'll look into your recommendations! I agree I probably shouldn't read too many books.

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SnayPah · 03/08/2014 09:31

Wonder Weeks is the only book I still refer to (DD is 7 months). You might also like Bumpology.

In the early days I used First-Time Parent (Lucy Atkins) and Baby Love (Robin Barker) on my kindle as a kind of reference if I was unsure about something ie keyword searched not read cover to cover. Both are quite practical.

My experience was that I was much happier once I learned to trust my instincts and ignore most of the books.

mummybare · 03/08/2014 09:32

Wonder weeks is great. The Baby Whisperer is also quite good for striking a balance between baby-led and introducing routine, although some of the breastfeeding advice is a bit out of date.

I have a good book called The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland too but I'm not sure whether it's still in print. You might be able to pick it up from an Amazon seller though.

molly84 · 03/08/2014 09:40

Thanks guys

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AnythingNotEverything · 03/08/2014 09:47

I really liked The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It's a bit American hippy in some places but really helped me with bf.

smokeandfluff · 03/08/2014 10:59

Hated the baby whisperer, loads of guilt inducing advice on 'not making a rod for your own back' and if your not doing things her way, you are doing them wrong.

I read loads of books, but I don't think any of them really helped. Every baby is different. Trusting your instincts and getting to know your own baby is better than reading books. Parenting is not about getting it right, most of us are just muddling through!

I did find 'healthy sleep habits, happy child' somewhat useful as it explains what to expect from an infants sleep pattern. Its very poorly written though and goes around in circles.

Youll also find that a lot of books are partially science based and partially based on the authors opinion. A lot of whats written is not helpful. Don't get hung up on any particular approach.

molly84 · 03/08/2014 11:26

Great advice thanks

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scandichick · 03/08/2014 14:02

I like John Medina's Brain Rules, it's full of science and covers 0-5 years.

puntasticusername · 03/08/2014 14:14

If you like an evidence-based approach, read this: www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0449004023?pc_redir=1405386265&robot_redir=1

Extremely useful info on baby and child sleep - what to expect, what's normal, what can go wrong and how to fix it. Written by a very experienced paediatric sleep expert. It's a hefty book and not the lightest possible read, but if you have a science background you may well find the style to your liking.

SnayPah · 03/08/2014 14:26

Re sleep books, this is one area where I found books highly unhelpful and quite counter-productive. With a baby who hates "pick up, put down" (she writhes in annoyance) and just gets distracted and woken up by "slow retreat", combined with two parents who can't bear any form of "cry it out", sleep books just make me feel guilty and incompetent.

molly84 · 03/08/2014 16:07

Thanks everyone

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molly84 · 03/08/2014 16:08

Thanks everyone

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BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 16:22

My favourite week by week pregnancy one is Kaz Cooke's "Up the Duff" or it's also published under The Rough Guide to Pregnancy depending on the edition and country. Just make sure you get the Kaz Cooke one - it's really funny, reassuring and down to earth.

The only sleep book I liked was The No Cry Sleep Solution. Generally any book which offers solutions which have special little names is to be avoided and thrown several feet into a river. Common sense advice, realistic expectations and lots of ideas of things to try are what helped me. I also loved Three In A Bed, but that one is about co sleeping so it's very specific and doesn't talk about any other sleep related things.

Breastfeeding, you can't go wrong with The Food of Love by Kate Evans, although you should definitely top this up with a large dose of the mumsnet breast and bottle feeding forums.

Why Love Matters is very well researched and sourced, too, and is really interesting but it's less "how to" and more "interesting".

Mine (the post birth ones anyway) are probably spilling over into attachmenty... I have to say though that attachment doesn't mean "being totally child led forever" and most AP type resources do encourage and give help/guidelines for introducing boundaries, respect etc as children grow up. It's a bit of a myth that AP is all about standing around saying "Oh no Camilla, darling, please don't bonk poor Archie on the head with the train track, that isn't very nice is it?" and not actually doing anything.

A non AP one - What Mothers Do (especially when it looks like nothing) by Naomi Stadlen should be required reading for every new mother. I strongly recommend buying a used copy on amazon and writing inside the cover "When your baby reaches 12 months, put this book away and then pass it on to the next woman you know who is expecting a baby." Pass it on and ask her to continue the chain. Amazing book.

molly84 · 03/08/2014 19:47

Great help, thx

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CountBapula · 03/08/2014 20:01

The mumsnet preg and baby books are brilliant.

Second The Food of Love. Fantastic book.

The Baby Whisperer is awful. I hold it at least partially responsible for my PND with DS1 :(

A nice, recent one is Babycalm. Evidence-based and gives you realistic expectations of babies' sleep, but easier to read than Healthy Sleep, Happy Child, and without the bonkers sleep training advice. It's at the attachment parenting end of the scale.

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