Tips for making life easier with a toddler & newborn

[MummyV18]

My DS1 will be 2.5yo when DS2 is born in November. I'm starting to panic on how I will cope (I had PND with DS1 so bit panicky about it happening again but that's another story for another day lol)

I want to know of anything you found useful that made life easier. Any hints & tips or gadgets that are a must to make things within my control a bit easier xx

Make sure you have a sling! This way baby sleeps whilst you have two hands for toddler. DS is 6 weeks old & proving a godsend. I can still give DD lots of attention & I forgot just how much babies sleep (in the day!)

Make packed lunches the night before for you and toddler - I find I get very grumpy if I'm hungry and this took the hassle of making lunch away.

Read books with toddler whilst you feed

Cbeebies is your friend

I had dd2 (also in November) when dd1 was 3.5 so a bit different. However I got PND ( still got) with dd2 but not dd1.

Things that I should have done in hindsight.

1. Been ready for the change of daylight (autumn clock change) making me down just as I got baby blues. Trigger for low mood usually but id not even considered it

1. Made friends with babies of same age so I could share the experience. This is invaluable ime. I sought this out and arranged a regular walk with the prams.

1. Got all my Xmas stuff done before baby came. I was crazy about this but glad it was all done wrapped and ready as no way I could have done this with my two.

1. Don't be afraid of tv, coffee shops, soft play - whatever it takes to get through the harder days

1. Be really kind to yourself and at the first hint of low mood get yourself help and don't assume it's normal baby blues. I'm sure you are be free prepared than I was but still. (21 months down the line and I'm in a dreadful state I think in part because I was in denial about the depression)

1. Enjoy it and good luck xx

Oh yes and a proper sling that will support the properly so you can do things with toddler. Find a sling meet for seeing lots of options not just bloody baby Bjorns.

If you can afford it, send DS1 to a playgroup for a morning once a week. He gets baby-free time and you get a nap or time quietly enjoying DS2.

My first two were both boys and roughly that age gap. Those few hours separation kept us both sane.

Batch cook. Oven cook / slow cook. Microwave to reheat. Curries, casseroles and bolognaise.

I want to know this too, I will have a baby and 15 month old

Socialise every day outside of your home (face to face not internet) even when you don't want to. Especially when you don't want to. Parks with other mums are good and cheap.

I did that with the first 2. No PND. Did not with the third (for practical reasons) and the PND bit me hard.

I had DS2 in March, with an age gap of 3.5 years between him and DS1. I also had PND first time round.

Things I've found useful:

• Preschool for DS1. If your DC1 is in nursery already, definitely try to keep this up, even just for one or two days a week.
• Postnatal doula for one morning a week for the first month. She played with DS1, did washing up, cuddled DS2 while I showered, chatted to me... was lovely.
• Buggy board. DS1 suddenly started walking reeeeeeaaalllly slowly after DS2 came along. An attention thing, I think. With the buggy board, he rides along with us, is safe from traffic etc so we can go pretty much anywhere. Also he chats to DS2 which is really cute
• Sleepyhead baby bed thingy for DS2. Best bit of baby equipment EVER. He's slept beautifully in it from day one.

Try not to assume you'll have the same problem. I haven't. (But then DS2 is the calmest, easiest baby imaginable, which DS1 wasn't!) I've really enjoyed maternity leave this time - as much for getting to spend time with DS1 as for all the cuddles with DS2 :)

An extra bouncy chair in the bathroom so I could take the baby in when I went to the loo, or gave the toddler a bath. Also somewhere to put the baby down in the toddler's bedroom.

Good luck.

Id second the point of not assuming that your second will be like the first in terms of temperament and patterns.

Mine were very different. Baby #2 isn't always easier and happy to be put down anywhere and just to 'wait' while you deal with the older one. Not being negative but I had the expectation that the 2nd baby would be easier ... She wasn't and it made me less ready for then challenges of newborn and newborn young child combo

OP, I had PND with dcs 1 and 2. When I became unexpectedly pregnant with dc3 I was convinced I would get it again so I booked some cognitive behavioural sessions (had read it was very good for pnd) and had them in the lead up to the birth, about 12 sessions in total. On the advice of people on mumsnet i also spoke to my GP and they agreed to prescribe me anti depressants to start taking the day my baby was born.

I can honestly say I could not be happier now. Dc3 is 5 weeks old and is demanding and clingy, my other two are only 4 and 2 and are a handful but crucially,I do not have PND and quite frankly it's been a revelation! I cannot recommend the CBT enough and taking the anti depressants straight off has meant I've not had to even think about feeling dreadfully low and instead when I start feeling overwhelmed i can focus on using the coping techniques I was taught in the therapy.

FWIW, my 2 bouts of PND were crippling and i never believed for one minute I could NOT get it again. It is early days but I feel markedly different inside to how I was at this stage with my first 2, so I am hopeful that things will stay this way, and if they don't that's fine too because I'm better mentally equipped to deal with it.