Feel like losing 13 year old DH

[theelvisyears]

Hello,

Sorry if this has been done to death - will search topics. Just very worried and sad about relationship with my 13 year old son. He is the eldest of 3 - another boy in the middle then a little girl 10.

Where to start? Moody, truculent, argues about everything, lazy, not interested in much. Does fair to good at school. Reports are good - better at maths and science. Feel all my fault. Every day I wake up and say today I will not fight with him, loose it with him. I feel the only interaction I have with him is fighting, nagging.

I totally blame myself - going way back to when he was a baby I was very depressed - I was in a heep and I think he saw me crying and struggling from an early age. I want to have a better relationship with him - how do I do it?

I don't have as much of a problem with the other two - not perfect, but he is so unreasonable and so SELFISH it drives me wild. Please help!

Sounds like normal teenage stroppiness to me. My Ds is 13 on Friday and is exactly the same - Moody, rude, rolls his eyes at you every 2 minutes, avoids speaking to anyone in the family but if he has to he just mumbles like he can't be arsed making the effort. He's the eldest in our family too and I'm hoping and praying it's just a phase...

Oh God I feared that. Some other 13 year olds seem nice though? Any tips?

Ignore as much as humanly possible! Apparently Ds' friends parents think he is a lovely boy, polite, lovely manners, chatty etc. He just morphs into Kevin the teenager as he walks through the door... I feel your pain!

I met up with my best friend from school last week (we're both now pushing 40). The conversation turned to families. We both had very stable upbringings, but our parents were quite different. Hers were in the army, she'd been all round the world before settling in my town. Mine were both teachers - nice middle class, 2 kids and a Volvo.

What we talked about was just why we had been such horrible teenagers. I barely spoke to my mum between 13 and 16, except to tell her to get out of my life. I lied, had parties, got drunk, totally took my parents for granted, as did she. Now, looking back we have NO IDEA why we behaved like that! Our parents couldn't have done anything different, and yet we were just horrid, selfish teenagers.

I am genuinely ashamed now, but honestly, it's probably nothing to do with you and everything to do with him!

This is all reassuring. I guess you always think you are the only one and everyone else's kid is lovely. My husband thinks its because there was only me and my sister and I don't know how difficult boys can be. He is one of 4 boys.

Appreciate the replies.

Shameless bump in case anyone has cracked it. Doubtful.

Stop speaking to you until he is 17?