Nightmare 9 month old

[Chickz]

Well actually she has always been difficult. Colic reflux as a baby. Incredibly sensitive. Can't be left alone. Cries and whinges all the time, especially when teething and when trying to learn something new. Cries during nappy changes. Cries when I get her dressed in the morning. She fits most of the dr sears high needs description and I think she really does not like being a baby. She eats well and sleeps on so that is something but I honestly feel that I have the most difficult baby. Every day is a struggle. Constantly treading on egg shells around her in case she goes off.

I do go out most days to classes, meeting other mums etc but its hard to relax as she is fidgeting moaning or whinging. Her latest thing is wanting to try to walk everywhere with me holding her hands. It's exhausting.

People say that things get easier but inhonestly don't think they have. We do have the odd good day- and i take lots of pictures and videos then! But then we are back to the whining and crying again. It's relentless.

DH helps out alot. And we have family that come at the weekend sometimes.

I've been to the dr and seen the health visitor but they don't think anything is wrong with her. She's just high needs. But seriously how can a baby whinge and moan and cry so much?

I really feel so envious of other mums who can enjoy their lovely babies. I'm always wAiting for her to pop! I've googled endless times to see if I'm missing something obvious. She sleeps and eats well so it's not that. She does get grouchy with teething so give her nurofen, teething powders etc.

I alternate toys and we go to different rooms of the house to prevent boredom. She has walker and jumperoo which entertain her for about 10 mins but then she wants out!

I don't get frustrated in front of her but I have been known to leave her in her cot for a while and go to a part of the house where I can't hear her. That keeps me sane - I think!

Sorry for the long post but I really do feel that I have such a difficult baby and I'm wondering if there are any others out there that may have any advice. My sis and my friend had similar babies - theirs are older now and still high needs but more enjoyable to be around. That gives me some hope.

I wonder what makes some babies high needs and others easy, placid. My partner and I are very chilled calm people but having a baby like this has put us more on edge!

Anyone else out there?

My DD used to have millet toast in the morning. We used the Biona one in the free-from section of Waitrose. It's quite crumby in texture so you'd have to see if she gags on it a bit (my DS does but he's a bit younger). DD had no probs with nuts so had it with peanut butter or marmite with coconut oil spread on it instead of butter (coconut oil is a great butter replacement as it's solid at room temperature, tastes lovely and is great for cooking).

Also gluten free porridge made with coconut milk (the type in a tetra pack for drinking - best one is called Koko, high in calcium and unsweetened).

Any good?

Any of the gluten free cereals with koko milk

Ready brek with koko milk

Oats with koko milk

Great ill get those tomorrow. Thought id eliminated everything until I checked the porridge box.
Does anyone have any coping mechanisms to help get through this horrible time? We do the usual - gonout, groups, family help. What did you all do when baby was crying and whinging? I try distraction which helps for a while then we are back to square one. So draining. She's zapping all life left in me!

It's really really tough.

Try and get as much family support as you can. The swing was a life saver for me, we had the fisher price cradle swing, the one that has lights above the swing, dd would sit in there for a while, and it'd give me a chance to lie down. We also had the jumperoo which helped. Once they are crawling, things do get easier, and once walking, a lot easier too. But to be honest what really helped was removing ALL the allergens from both of our diets. Our pediatrician suggested we remove all major allergens, which is dairy, soya, egg and wheat and we saw a huge difference in dd, she is so much happier and the clingy whiny child has gone.

Thank you ShineSmile. Dd has only been up 40 mins and is already crying, rubbing nose. DH has taken her off my hands though which is great. Do you mind me asking how old your DD is? Do those allergen foods need to be removed from your diet for good?

One more q ShineSmile! I hope you don't mind. What milk does your DD have?

Ready brek says on the box that its not suitable for milk allergy sufferers-not sure why as there is no milk listed in the ingredients.
I use fortified oat milk on cereal.

Have you tried putting her in a sling a lot?

Recommend the boba 4g. At 9 months she can go on front or back.

Mine wasn't happy if overstimulated. Do you think she might be as you panic about keeping her occupied? I found keeping pram parent facing with shade up meant he wasn't too overstimulated from people or traffic outside, and we used a sling a lot as he could face me and sleep easily. Once bigger went on my back and would happily just be there whilst I went about house doing things/ went out to do my own thing

Mine both found most baby groups too much in their face at this age. Many try just reducing to one a week, then spend the rest with just a baby or two rather than whole room full or with adults. Swimming with her ( with friend and baby if poss so you can socialise), but not large swimming groups, museums you like that she can sit in sling and observe, walks etc

Mine was fine out of sling and in larger groups from 18 ish months onwards, but I think both just liked to be close.

Chickz, DD is 14 months. We had to remove all for six weeks and we then reintroduced a little wheat as that's the one we weren't 100% sure about. We gave her some, she reacted so now we have removed all dairy, soya, egg and wheat from her diet, excluding egg in baked goods, which she can tolerate (and 80% of allergic babies can).

DD has coconut milk in cereal etc but is still breastfed so we are both on the above diet.

There is a website called 'isitcowsmilkallergy' and that's really handy. Also professor branstoff's book called 'the complete guide to food allergy and intolerance' is excellent! I would highly recommend you get a copy.

Ask away any questions you have. We are here to support each other

If your DD is allergic to the allergens or reacting to them, then yes they would have to be removed from her diet until she grows out of them, and from your diet until you stop BFing. However, once you see a pediatrician and dietician they should suggest a plan of when to reintroduce

To give you an example, my DD reacted to cows milk at 6 months (when weaned). All the signs where there before tbh (colicky, unsettled, redness around anus, small spots/rash), I just hadn't linked them together. Skin prick test confirmed the allergy. At 10 months, when repeated, there was no reaction but when we gave food, she reacted. Based on that, pediatrician suggests we try reintroducing in about months time, and see how it goes. Tbh I think she will still react, but if lucky she might tolerate it in a baked biscuit perhaps.

Her allergy to wheat was discovered really late because skin prick tests never picked that up, and we weren't expecting it.

Great ready brek it is! Miaowthecat I hope things are ok
At your end.
Artandco yes sling is ok and we have her in a bit. But she's getting heavy now. And now it's summer a couple of classes have fallen away so I'll see if she is better without that stimulation but tbh I dont think its that.
ShineSmile thank you for responding. I hope I have some positive news to report after I've given the elimination diet a couple of weeks. At the moment it's just taking every day as it comes and hoping things will get better the next day.

Hello again.
So it's been two weeks since the elimination diet - cutting out all dairy, soy, nuts, eggs, wheat and gluten.
There's been no change in the behaviour of DD. still whiny, cries over everything. It's horrible and relentless.
I went to gp who dismissed any signs of allergy as there is no constipation diarrhoea or hives. As she's gone up on her percentile she's putting on lots of weight and they are not concerned. At worst, they have said that maybe her gut needs to mature a bit.

So I'm at a compete loss. Do I:

1. Carry on with the elimination diet and give it a bit more time and in the meant time get allergy testing booked even though Drs say its unlikely she has anything
2. Just accept that this is her character and keep plodding on even though every day is so damn hard. I give her everything in terms of time and energy and its never ever enough.

Please let me know what u think I should do.

Bump

Is she still on the aptimel pepti? Would your dr consider a trial of neocate?

There's no harm in asking for allergy testing.

You could try another week of the diet and then introduce each food one by one giving it three days between each introduction. Or you could stop now. You know your dd best.

Seems like tough going. Does she get any little bit happier when she masters a new skill?

This really struck a chord with me, ds was (and on some levels is still) very like this. I had a lot of advice, long periods of feeling like I was failing him and myself. Then a couple of other dcs came along and over time, the acceptance that he just has a far more difficult personality. It isn't fair. Some children are easier than others (I feel able to say that in context of my own family at least where some definitively absolutely are easier than others to live with, relate to etc.)

I've been where you are, and I've also been the parent of the children who are much more generically content and tend to just "do" without any of the overthinking, whinging, screaming, awkwardnes, stubbornness and complete co-operation breakdowns. I try to adapt how I parent each of the dc to a way that suits them best but I don't know if I'm particularly successful with that.

I really hope things get better soon for all of you, I think the relentlessness does ease.. Well all I really have to offer here is hope!

Smokeandfluff- thank you - she's down to just one milk feed a day now so I'm not sure about neocate. But I think I'll give it one more week of the diet as I've come this far!

Ihateparties- thank you too. It's good to know im not the only one! I'm going through absolute hell at the moment. We have a good morning so I get some hope. But then the afternoon is just torture.

She's trying to learn how to walk at the moment but she only wants to learn with me holding her hands. Not interested in walker, push a long walker, using the sofa/ furntiture etc. she can't crawl or roll so is incredibly frustrated. She makes no effort to learn. Just sits there and cries. Bum shuffles a bit. Then cries.

I've posted on here so many times searching for an answer. I've tried everything. The exclusion diet is the latest. Nothing works! I think I just have to accept this is how she is. I don't like her one bit.

It just seems so unfair that some babies are so much easier. Mine fusses cries whinges most of the day. She sleeps well so there is se good. I dread the moment she wakes!

Ihateparties- when would you say it got easier?

Oh you poor thing, Chickz. It can be so hard some days. Just wanted to send you a hug and a hopeful story. My lovely sister-in-law was SUCH a hard baby - cried all the time, never slept, was just so frustrated and frustrating. My poor mum-in-law was known as "the lady with the crying baby" and found it so hard. She just had to take help wherever and whenever she could so she could keep her sanity. But fast forward a few years and she became a delight and now she's the sweetest, kindest, most relaxed young woman ever, such a sunny disposition. You'd never guess she was ever such hard work. So chin up and get lots of help and breaks whenever you can and think forwards to the day when you'll have your lovely grown-up girl who you can tease about her pesky baby days. x

I was going to post my own thread but you put what I was feeling so well! My DS is 7 months old and is so hard work, i try not to compare him to other babies but I can't help but feel he is definitely harder work. I go to baby groups but am on edge the whole time as DS whinges, we meet up with mums and other babies in smaller groups and I can barely join in conversations with the other mums who are lay back whilst their babies happily play with toys and my DS cries and moans and its all i can hear! He sleeps well and naps well - I know he is a baby who needs his sleep so don't count him getting overtired as whinging! He eats really well too. I just feel like such a failure sometimes and he starts nursery in 4 weeks and am scared they will refuse him once they see how difficult he can be! I just don't know how to entertain him? When something only holds interest for minutes then the day is very long!
So no advice but following with interest and feel very reassured by the comments so far. Feel very guilty at the moment when I don't enjoy my DS and am screaming shut up in my head!

Maybe she'll be happier once she starts walking, its tough to stay sane sometimes though! Ds has shouty/wingey days-he tends to be better behaved when out so we go to baby groups, swimming, buggy walks and the park. Does it help when you bring her out? When I get really desperate I sit him on my knee and we watch telly for ten minutes.

My Ds was like this, turned out his sleep was of poor quality because he has sleep apnoea which is caused by enlarged tonsils and adenoids. So he was always tired. Got to have them removed.

It got better for ds incrementally and continues to do so really (I think there's an element of him learning of time to manage his feelings better now he's that bit older). Overall although he was probably more obviously difficult at say 2 or 3y I don't think I found any of it as hard as the first 12-18 months.

9m-2y before he was mobile he didn't reach for toys either, if whatever he wanted wasn't immediately available he just screamed. So it got a bit better when he walked by himself (10m he could walk unaided between two people, he didn't walk independently until 16m). Things got better as his speech developed, which happened at a similar time.

Age 2 was an okay time, dd1 was born that year, that helped me as the experience was so wholly different it made me realise that it couldn't all have been as much my fault as I thought.

3 was erm....interesting. He taught himself to read and write, plus a lot of facts, otherwise he mainly screamed.

Because of when his birthday is he started school the same week he turned 4, things were loads easier by then. Plus of course he was at school six hours a day . Dd2 was born when he was 4y5m and halfway through reception. His social development really came on in the reception year but there was still far more screaming than is average from a 4yo.

Age 5, tantrums less frequent, slightly more compliant with day to day life. He was in a mixed year class so being the youngest child in y1 made him 2 years less a few days younger than the oldest children. That helped possibly.

Year of him being 6 has been probably a turning point, he is becoming a lot more balanced and a lot easier to be around.

This all probably seems a long way off for you and it turned into too much of an essay. Sorry, all I really wanted to say was I remember so well the feeling of doing everything you can think of to make things better and getting precisely nowhere most of the time. I think by this time next year there's a good chance things will be easier.

Ihateparties thank you for your detailed post but I don't think I can wait a year for things to improve. I cant think that far ahead. I feel sick to the stomach every day and count down to when she has to go for her naps and bedtime. I'm definitely not coping!
Smokeandfluff - yes she is a bit better when we go out. I think it's the distraction but she can still lose it. We go out most days even if for a short while.

Sjrobertson - it's so tough isn't it? I use all the coping mechanisms going - DH helping, family round to help but I still struggle to get through.

Sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear, things got easier slowly for us, I didn't find anything that could have been called a solution and it wasn't fun. Have you made it clear to your gp or hv that you're not coping?

Thank you ihateparties - they know and have prescribed anti depressants. But there is nothing wrong with my mental state. It's just the daily struggle of trying to keep my baby happy which doesn't seem possible at the moment. She's now 10 months old and I'm still patiently waiting for things to improve.