So stressed out..what am I doing wrong?

[EarlieBirdie]

I am at breaking point now. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a (just turned)1 year old. I literally feel that nothing I do for my youngest is enough. He is always miserable for one reason or another and I can't cope with it anymore.
He is still awake, I have been up since 5am with him and multiple times through the night last night. I don't even have chance to eat or have a cup of tea because he is so demanding.
There's nothing medically wrong with him. What's wrong with him and why can't I be a loving, cuddly
, patient mum anymore!!?

Because you have 2 small children under the age of 3?!

Have you any help, family or friends who can give you a break?

Both being under 3 doesn't explain my youngest child behaving this way. Both kids are pretty full on but there seems no let up with him.
I do have family and friends (most of who are in the same position but without the issues) and can get help but they are my sons and I should be able to care for them. I do get a break occasionally but obviously the buck still stops with me.

I'd say that having two little ones is quite full on! You never quite relax properly with small children and your mum radar is always switched on.

Is he melancholic by nature, or a grumpy child or hard to please? Is he usually a bad sleeper or is the heat getting to him?

Everyone needs a break - yes, they are your lovely kids, but no job is 24/7 is it? You need time to recharge your batteries. You need times when you are the main priority. As my wise sister says - when an aircraft is going down, they tell you to fix your own oxygen mask first before that of others for a reason (ie you are no use to others' if you don't look after yourself).

I don't have two but I have one incredibly demanding 9 month old. She is exhausting. Cries over anything. Won't sit still. Wants to try and walk everywhere with me holding her. She wont even sit and watch the tv! She does sleep well so I'm grateful for that. I just try and take one day at a time and am really looking forward to going back to work. I hope things get better for you. You are not alone.

He's a pretty bad sleeper most of the time, and an early riser (4.30-5 most days).
DP thinks that taking him out in the buggy or giving him snacks in the highchair at 9.45 pm is the solution (for now) but just doesn't appreciate that I've dealt with it for so long everyday.
What do other Mums do? He won't be held, won't lay down etc etc

You're not doing anything.wrong sounds like you have a high needs child. Does he only sleep from 10 till 5ish? what about day time sleep? Sounds like he is very tired which would contribute to his grumpy nature. How do you.get.him to sleep?

Controlled crying here I am afraid.

Has he always been this way? Is he teething?

He sounds exhausted. Having a few hours less sleep than normal makes my just one year old a grumpy mess so I sympathise. I'd do controlled crying too - at 1 they can understand I think?

It is so wearing, poor you

I only have 1 who is now 11 months but has being going thru separation anxiety since 8 months and it has driven me mental!! I have felt the same as you, that nothing I do is good enough and it kills.

I tried controlled crying and it did nothing, she cried for hours until she was sick. Hv suggested laying in her room with her and slowly moving towards the door and it did nothing. She is constantly on the go and I cannot remember the last time I drank a hot cuppa or went to the toilet without listening to her scream.

Could he be picking up on your anxiety?

The only thing that has worked for dd is to not put her to bed until she is visibly tired, rubbing eyes, falling over etc Could you try that? Does he nap in the day?

I've got a two year old and a one year old (11 month gap) and my DS sounds like yours, he has always been really grumpy. When he's sunny he's amazing, but if something annoys him, you can guarantee he'll make the rest of the day hard. He cries over anything and everything, and often nothing at all - Sometimes he'll just start yelling for no reason. The HV said it's a personality thing. He was a very angry small baby and was throwing stuff in anger from about 7 months, full on screaming tantrums at 9 months. Yet when he's in a good mood he's just so adorable.

Basically he's 13 months now and it's tough love time. I also did controlled crying with him when he was 6 months because I had no choice. He needed sleep and was ghastly without it. Once he accepted and settled into a good routine, he improved hugely. I won't pretend getting him in it was easy but it was worth it. DD was the total opposite; sunny, sweet, slept amazingly, always wakes up happy...he was a shock! His screaming is the sort that shatters glass and makes me feel like I'm going to explode....must take after DH as my MIL said his cry drove her to the brink.

I'm very firm with him when I need to be these days. We also do baby signing which helps HUGELY.

Don't underestimate how hard having two under three is - I was told by my doctor that your chances for depression increase by 50% when you have two under five and up again with three under ten. I've been as stressed as you and it's not much fun, so I really feel for you as consistently difficult babies are so difficult. At 13 months he still screams blue murder if the wind is blowing the wrong way and I ask myself when it will stop as DD simply didn't behave that way.

I really appreciate all your replies. I know there is no magic answer but find it hard to shake the feeling that I have caused him to be such a ball of fury by doing something wrong.
It really makes me feel like a terrible mother.

He is absolutely exhausted and has been teething this week along with managing to injure his ankle somehow so things are at a particular low right now.

He's not a good napper and a very light sleeper but up until a few weeks ago would always sleep 7.30-4.30 ish. We thought the early rising was bad!! Little did we know what was to come!

As you said Caffeine, my DS is also so lovely when he's not flipping out but I almost feel like I'm walking on egg shells so he doesn't have something to get upset about. He probably does feed off of this in a negative way.

I have also attempted controlled crying but he is a stubborn thing (and very loud when in full swing) and all we succeeded in doing was waking our other son too.

I'm sure this time will pass soon. Not sure how long it'll take for me to stop feeling guilty for the things I have said about DS I'm sheer desperation and things I have thought