Am I doing enough for my 18 month old very unsure .

[Edinburghmummy12]

Hi am feeling low tonight because cant get it out my head tat it was my fault that dd was in bad mood today. Iam always so busy and when am not am to tried ont get me wrong a talk and play with her all the time take her out twice a day to do something fun soft play play group etc i try make her home cooked mels most nights . Sometimes I wish that I could just go to McDonalds or do something that I enjoy with her but the guilt I feel would be unbearable . Tbh I have no idea what I want nor the point am trying to make . When I got pregnant everyone thought I would fail at being a mother so that prob why I try to be a super mum all the time and . What to you all do with your dc do you spend all day playing chating etc

I don't even do housework in the day do it all st night when she's asleep so I prob get about hr each day to myself

I think you need to relax a little. I have a 3 year old ds and I very much doubt that anything I've ever done has (rationally) led to a bad mood of his. Usually he's grumpy cos of pain (teething etc) or hunger. Sometimes, now he's a contrary toddler he can get grumpy about silly things, but he's a full blown toddler & yours is 18 months.

However, if they're in a bad mood cos of something you've done/not done... What's the conclusion to that in the end? Will do subject yourself to every will of theirs for ever more?

By looking after & feeding your child well you are being a super mum. And maccy d's once in a blue moon isn't the end of the world.

You're heading for a great time. After 18 months they're so much fun & you can find things you love doing together. It's amazing how excited they get about feeding the ducks by 2!

It sounds like you're doing a great job to me. Sometimes they just are in a bad mood - tiredness, teething, whatever. I have dd aged 22 months. Normally try to get out of the house once/twice a day too just because we're both happier keeping busy. But it's fine to let them play by themselves sometimes - an important skill in fact. I don't think it's necessary to be playing with/talking to them 24:7. Would your dd play with her toys while you get some cleaning done in same/nearby room?

And IMO home cooked meals most of the time is great but I also think it's fine to do fish fingers/beans on toast sometimes. Not a McDs fan myself but would say fine for an occasional treat.

I would expect a lot/most children would be grumpy today. It is too hot, they probably didn't sleep well last night.

Otherwise, what do you feel most guilty about: doing less housework or playing etc. less with DC? That should let you know how your balance is, but feeling guilty seems to go a bit with parenthood.

I agree with mummytime - feeling guilty goes with the job. I have two DCs 11 months apart, now aged 2 and 13 months, and I've taught them to play independently for the first part of the day so I can clean up after breakfast, get washing on, tidy round etc. It takes me about 30-60 minutes to whizz round (depending on what needs doing) and then I'm theirs for the day. I'm too tired by bedtime frankly and I'm also not someone who copes well with too much mess. We go out pretty much every day for the morning or afternoon. I don't play with them loads and this used to cause me deep guilt but I do engage with them all day, talk to them, sing songs with them, and teach them things (so if DD brings me her fruit basket we go through all the different fruit or if she brings me a book we will read it)....and now they are playmates anyway and spend a lot of time giggling together which is perfect. I make sure they get a lot of stimulation and activity and play dates 2-3x a week plus playgroup and this helps me feel ok about not sitting playing with their toys with them for ages.

You have to parent as best you can and according to who you are and where they are developmentally. I also read something about letting kids play independently as being adults we tend to try to steer the game and control it...so I might tell her to feed her dolly, but actually, her plan was to put dolly in the oven. Or perhaps she's making a tower of blocks and I'm trying to straighten or correct it. Basically she'd learn more if I didn't step in sometimes and she finds uses for her toys I never would....who knew a kids chair could be turned upside down and used as a boat or the changing mat as some sort of slide.

To be honest you sound like a great mum who cares deeply about doing your very best....and unless there's something major you've missed out I strongly suspect you are not in any way responsible for his moods anymore then you'll cause his tantrums when he starts with those...toddlers are contrary little blighters and sometimes nothing mummy does is or will be good enough! just because!

Don't worry about doing things all the time. All your child wants is for you to spend time with him/her. You don't need to be out at soft play or whatever else, you can just be at home together. The advantage of being at home is that you can spend some time cooking and doing other stuff. My DS loves helping me with the washing up - to him it's water play. Children do things a lot slower than we do so rushing to get places is just stressful even if it's going somewhere that is meant to be "educational" or enjoyable for them.