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Severe SPD and naughty attention seeking 3 year old... HELP!

3 replies

AnotherGirlsParadise · 17/07/2014 10:17

Hi everyone,

Not sure if I'm in the right place, but I'm so desperate I really hope someone can help. I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my second DS, and have really, really bad SPD this time around. I'm not sleeping, I'm in constant agony, I'm boiling hot all the time and my patience has worn down to nothing - I'm utterly fed up, basically. I have crutches, but as my house is 3 stories it's a nightmare to get around (kitchen downstairs, living room/bathroom/bedroom middle floor, DS's room top floor), and my 3 year old DS is not making life any easier.

He's going through a really naughty, disobedient phase at the moment, probably because I can barely walk or even get up on my feet without taking forever over it - normally I'm a pretty active person, so this pregnancy has knocked me for six. I spend most of my time sitting on the settee, which isn't great for my DS as he's full of energy and needs stimulation.

Normally, he's a very independent little boy, more than happy playing on his own and always cheerful. Of course, he has the odd tantrum or moments of being an absolute bloody nightmare (3 is SO much worse than 2!), but in general he's great. Of course, now that I'm heavily pregnant and in so much pain, he's constantly on at me for attention. He throws toys and kicks things around, whines at me to get him things (previously he was always happy to get his own toys etc), follows me EVERYWHERE, and acts up at every opportunity. He refuses to have his usual morning nap before he goes to nursery (the only time I've got to get myself ready at my own, currently very slow pace) and seems to find it funny to watch me struggle, which I know is a ridiculous thing to think, but as I said my patience is SO frazzled I just can't think straight.

I feel like I spend every waking minute telling him 'NO!' or shouting at him to leave things alone. I feel terrible about it, as I know he just wants attention from Mummy, but I physically can't run around after him and I'm less and less able to deal with the inevitable meltdowns. I feel like an awful mother. I can't bear the CONSTANT whining for crap like biscuits - I don't want to encourage bad habits in him by just giving in and letting him have stuff for a peaceful life, and anyway, it wouldn't BE a peaceful life. He'd just think 'Well, she's given me this biscuit, if I keep this up she'll give me ANOTHER biscuit.'

Normally, I could handle this stuff, as annoying as it is - he's only 3, it's to be expected. My DF is incredibly supportive and more than understanding of the pain I'm in, and he does a LOT to help me at home, but he leaves for work at 8am every day so I still have a lot of time when it's just me and DS.

I spend a stupid amount of time in tears because I feel so useless. Can anyone offer some advice, or just a bit of reassurance? Things will be hard enough when the baby's actually here, but at least I'll have my mobility back (I hope) - that's been the toughest thing about this pregnancy, the agony and the enforced rest that doesn't really seem to be rest! I'm just fed up of feeling like a shit mum who does nothing but shout at her poor kid. It's not fair on him, not at all.

Thanks in advance everyone x

OP posts:
Diryan · 17/07/2014 10:26

Sounds awful! Poor you. You need help - is there anyone who can come around and lend a hand? Parents, inlaws, friends, neighbours? Can you afford to hire some help?

AnotherGirlsParadise · 17/07/2014 10:32

I wish we could afford help Diryan! We don't have any family nearby - mine live cross country, 5 hours away, and my inlaws work during the week, which is when I really could do with a hand. We don't really know our neighbours sadly.

OP posts:
Theyaremysunshine · 17/07/2014 21:33

Oh this was me 15m ago. DS was 2.10 when dd was born. My pgp with dd was awful. I refused crutches as decided there was no point, I could either furniture walk in the house and couldn't use them and hold DS's hand when out. Couldn't get any relief anywhere. Woke at least hourly over night with pain.

The good news is it got over 90% better within 3 days of her birth. And by then DS was so used to having less of my time and attention, she fitted right in with less jealousy!

Survival tips:
Buy a small (kids) table and chairs. Sit on sofa with table in front of you and child the other side and play pretty much every one of the orchard toys games.
I taught DS how to get his own water drinks from our fridge as it has one of those dispensers, but otherwise I'd have water bottles and healthy snacks for your DS to help himself to.
Use shameless amounts of cbeebies/disney DVDs/iPad apps. It really doesn't matter for a short time.
Use soft play if you can still drive (I hate it but needs must). Or use stay and play at surestart centres.
Break up the day with treats - we need to do the shopping but if you'll be a really good boy we'll go to soft play after lunch/visit the bakery for cakes.
If he's been 3 for the last term then consider using your free 15 hours at a play group or nursery over summer, or see if there's a childminder who could have him for a couple of days (using the free hours) over the summer.

If all else fails and the day is going horribly wrong, run a deep bath and both get in. Fun for him, blissful relief for you.

Good luck OP. On another positive, it didn't stop me having a quick, normal delivery.

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