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Parenting

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Original poster

When can they understand "no!"

14 replies

BocaDeTrucha · 16/07/2014 10:45

Ds is 10 months and crawling everywhere. I keep reading conflicting advice about staying to say no when they start to touch dirty things, dangerous things etc. Some say its to early for them to understand yet and you need to simply distract them etc. What are people's opinions /experiences? I don't want to be the mummy who is always saying no but at the same time I want him to learn not to pull the leaves of the plants and eat the compost etc!!!

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notaflamingclue · 16/07/2014 11:44

I found it impossible not to say 'no' to DD when she was doing thins. My experience is she understood straightaway didn't mean she was inclined to obey all the time though

Flexibilityiskey · 16/07/2014 11:52

I feel very strongly that you need to teach them what no means from as early as possible. So each time they do something unsafe, you say no and move them away. I think they will then pick up quite quickly that they shouldn't do that. I don't think it necessarily means they will stop doing it though.

I don't get the logic of not saying no until they are older. All children learn and develop at different rates, so it follows that some will understand no earlier than others. If they are not hearing it, how can they be expected to learn?

plantsitter · 16/07/2014 11:53

Don't know exactly when but you can sure it will be some time so I don't know why you wouldn't say no, otherwise how will they ever learn it?

Anyway if that doesn't make sense (I'm not sure I have explained myself very well!) a combination of saying no and then distracting seems most sensible to me.

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plinkyplonker · 16/07/2014 12:00

I say no when I move the DC away from something or take something they shouldn't have out of their hand like the dogs ear but I try to say it just for things that they can't ever touch/have/do rather than changeable things (eg food on plate is ok to pick up and food in the floor isn't)

That said, DC2 is 18 months and only just now choosing to listen when I say "no" although I know she's understood me for a good 6 months or more - she used to just turn her back and try and hide what she was up to

roofio87 · 16/07/2014 17:31

my ds is 9 months and I say no often when he is doing something he shouldn't. I would say that he already understands what it means, but not necessarily to be able to react to it. At this age a combination of no and distraction is best or you run the risk of them having no boundaries!!!

Picklepest · 16/07/2014 17:32

Mine learnt at 8mths as she learnt to crawl. After a bit she used to shake her head back at me and/or growl, or pull a grumpy face.

Very hard not to laugh at her tbh

lola88 · 16/07/2014 20:24

DS knew at 8 months I could have been saying bananas but he knew from my tone and expression that I meant to stop. You will need to say it over and over for the same thing but they do remember eventually I'm not a believer in the distraction thing when it comes to dangerous things or when they are doing something they know they shouldn't be.

I don't believe for a second that a 12mo old can't understand no if they can learn to sleep alone, crawl, walk and fed themselves you can bet they are smart enough to understand when something is out of bounds. Discipline is important children need to learn rules and boundaries it takes a long time to teach I think if you start very young it's a way of life.

JazzyThistle · 16/07/2014 21:00

Mine three were all 8/9 months when they understood 'no'. Sometimes they listened, sometimes they didn't. Ds is 15 months at the moment and we're going through an obeying phase, he does everything I ask of him except eat, it's quite fun, he can provide hours of entertainment! Although he has started say 'no no no no no' to his sisters when they annoy him .

NatashaBee · 16/07/2014 21:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovelyredwine · 16/07/2014 21:10

My dd understood 'no' quite a while before turning 1. This did not mean she did as I said! If your ds understands questions like, 'do you want some banana ?' (Or something else he loves), then you know he understands you when you say no!

The doing as he's told may take more time!

Beepbeepnow · 16/07/2014 22:36

My 16mth old now growls quite comicly at me when I say no :)

Original poster

BocaDeTrucha · 16/07/2014 23:05

I agree with the tone of voice comment. Sometimes when he's reaching for something he shouldn't I just say his voice with that tone and he looks at me, waits, then just goes ahead and touches. I agree that they know what it means but can't quite react to it yet.

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MsBug · 16/07/2014 23:12

My 18 month old understands no, but hardly ever obeys. I tell her no and stop her from doing whatever it is, hopefully she will get the idea by the time she's 21

BertieBotts · 16/07/2014 23:22

You have to teach them. They don't innately understand the meaning of any word. Always back up your words with an action (removing the item, them, redirecting to something safer etc)

Also the meaning of "no I don't want a banana" is totally different to "please stop doing that thing that you're doing" (which doesn't even contain the word no!) so don't assume that understanding of one thing means they understand another. If you said no to him in Japanese he wouldn't know that either.

I found it better to vary words. So "hot" meant "Don't touch that because it will hurt you" (and I let him touch a radiator which wasn't hot enough to burn to find out what hot meant) and "dirty" meant "Drop it" or I would take it off him and I used "Ouch! Too rough" for rough touching, hitting, pinching etc and then held his hand and moved it gently and said "Gentle, mmmm, nice" etc etc. I used "careful" and "gentle" for plants etc and showed how we must be careful with the plant because it's precious/pretty/whatever.

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